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Fooled again!

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by Bucklie, Oct 3, 2018.

  1. Bucklie

    Bucklie Member

    How is it possible to freely walk back into the arms of the monster that has destroyed most of your life? I spent the whole night calling helplines and the such just to be sitting here in the same position, with no answers, and no real solution to this problem without some sort of outside intervention. How can I stop this insanity without blowing my cover or checking into a program. Don't have the time and I surly don't have the money.
    HELP !!!!!!!!
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Bucklie addiction is a son of a bit*h,and I understand the question but don't know how to answer it for you because I question myself at time's basically I am ok but I had 7.5 month's sober and threw it away for 1 day and had to restart my day's, I'm coming up on 1 month even though the circumstances around my day relapse are complex still in the end I can only blame myself but I can't let self hate and failure set in to my mind and once again control my life,I stumbled and fell but I have since picked myself up and knocked off the dust and am currently pushing forward and even though it hurts,and it's hard I pray you can do the same.The longer we dwell the stronger the addiction grows,it's taken me over 20 year's and thousands of questions to understand that so I absolutely understand the "self hate"it sounds like your experiencing or "self doubt "however you would describe it. I don't know how to make this make sense but after 20 year's of drug abuse I have learned to Hate everything about DOPE at last and it only cost me everything but that doesn't make me unique in anyway and honestly I'm not unique I'm just another struggling addict fighting the road of recovery but I try to do a lot of communicating now with as many people as possible, it helps(I should have tried sooner)But I'm happy to be here now.I apologize for getting off track my A.D.H.D.does that to me at time's anyways Love yourself and fight your demons,they aren't as strong as they may appear and the more you reach out the better your odds of recovery as your support network is absolutely necessary and completely understanding. STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS
    Lostboy8731 and deanokat like this.
  3. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener


    Hello and welcome. I'm sorry that you're struggling with addiction. It can be very challenging to overcome it on your own. When you don't have money for treatment, or perhaps even money for a counselor, I think the next best thing to try is a support group. Are you willing to attend Narcotics Anonymous or smart recovery? Also grab a few books that you can sink into to learn about addiction and Recovery, and begin educating yourself. There are some things you can definitely do on your own, but it's going to take consistency and discipline.

    Perhaps you can call your Social Services Agency to see if there is something in your area that could be of use for you. Perhaps an addiction specialist or some sort of group that meets.

    Meanwhile, know that we're here to listen and support you however we can.
    True concern likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community, @Bucklie. Addiction is a disease that is pretty relentless. I'm sorry that it's kicking your ass right now, but I'm glad you found us and shared with us.

    You say you don't have the time or money to check into a program. To that I would suggest, make the time. If you continue on the path you're on, your life will slowly disintegrate. As far as money goes, there are lots of low-cost or no-cost treatment programs out there. Others operate on a sliding scale, meaning they charge what you're able to pay. If you need help finding one of those programs, a great tool to use is the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) website. They have a "Treatment Locator" right on their homepage. All you need to do is put in your zip code and hit search, and you'll get a list of facilities in your area. And you can click on the "More Information" link for those facilities and find out which ones offer affordable care. Maybe just go and check it out to see what's available to you. Here's the link:

    Going to support group meetings is also a terrific idea. Even if you can't attend in person, you can do online meetings. You can find those meetings at the In the Rooms website ( or on the SMART Recovery site (

    There is no "one-size-fits-all" when it comes to recovery, so the trick is to find what works for YOU. I know you can do that. If you commit to getting clean and are willing to do the hard work that's required, I know you can get there. And we will help you along the way. We are here to support you any way we can. Or just to listen if you need to vent. You can reach out and lean on us anytime, okay? You are not alone.

    I'm proud of you for coming here and sharing with us. It's a big first step, my friend.

    Sending you lots of encouragement and hope.
    True concern likes this.
  5. Bucklie

    Bucklie Member

    Thanks guys for the encouragement. I'm so angry at myself right now. I have been down this road many times and never has it ended good. I have a life that is as close to "dreams come true" finally but it took a life time. I'm older, not quite Woodstock older but dam close. I have lost everything many times. But I have never built what we have now. I've only been free again for just over 4 years but in that time I have become an owner of my first house and property, started a very successful small business, and have the woman I love more than life back in my life. Why, knowing the end result, do we allow ourselves to go back her? The pressure in my life right now is absolutely crazy but I'm not a
    quitter. I hold a couple of licenses that are extremely sensitive and if I were to loose them it would devastate everything I've worked for. This is nuts! It's like the kid that puts it's hand in the fire and finds out that it burns but keeps doing it. I think I need to slow down and stop letting this messed up world and people living in it change me and stress me out. I don't know, I'll get it. I need to get my butt in bed and at least get a few hours sleep. I'll check back tomorrow. Thanks again...
    True concern and deanokat like this.