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Forgive Yourself

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by gracer, Jan 15, 2016.

  1. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    When an addict decides to reform and seek for sobriety, one important thing that he/she needs to remember is to forgive him/herself first for all the mistakes of the past. It is good to leave the past on a clean slate so one could move on to a hopeful future.

    Forgive yourself for becoming an addict and realize that you're not the only person in this world who has committed wrong decisions in life. Forgiving yourself helps in paving your way towards your goal to sobriety because it teaches you not to be too hard on yourself every time you encounter road blocks and mistakes. Forgive yourself every time you encounter pitfalls and just keep on moving.
    Winterybella and MyDigitalpoint like this.
  2. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    That's absolutely true. You can never move forward in life if you won't try to forgive yourself. Hey, you're just human, you're not perfect. Yes, once in a while, you make mistakes, you ruin things, and that's natural, that's part of being alive. Don't be too hard on yourself. At the end of the day, you're your own best friend.
    gracer likes this.
  3. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I think forgiving yourself is one of the hardest things to do, and even if others have put your past behind them, it's still hard for you to do the same.

    Looking forward at where you are heading rather than dwelling on the past is one way to slowly forgive and forget what you've been through.
    gracer likes this.
  4. Scooby Snack

    Scooby Snack Community Champion

    I have to remind myself of this constantly. Goes in line with having compassion for yourself, I think, and understanding that you are human and that you have, and will make mistakes from time to time.
    gracer likes this.
  5. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    That is right. Before others can forgive you, you should forgive yourself first because it means that you are willing to change yourself. It will motivate yourself to do the right things or the things that will not make you feel good and others can see your sincerity.
    gracer likes this.
  6. rz3300@

    rz3300@ Senior Contributor

    That certainly is an important step in recovery. It is a difficult one though, no doubt. I know that personally I had a lot of trouble forgiving myself, and I am not sure that I have entirely to this day. It is easier to see what you can become without that burden though to go back and forgive, but it takes time just like everything else.
    gracer likes this.
  7. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    I often not think of the past anymore, because I can't change it and the bad things that have already happened shouldn't matter anymore, the only important thing is my future and the present. I need to focus hard on living a healthy life for the rest of my days.
    gracer likes this.
  8. Vinaya

    Vinaya Community Champion

    The most important thing for an individual is have positive thoughts about oneself. Pessimism will actually destroy an individual. Addiction is itself a result of pessimism. What ever you have done in the past cannot be undobe, therefore, you must begin a new journey by forgiving your past.
    gracer likes this.
  9. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    Absolutely. Guilt is a nasty emotion a lot of the time - and I think beating yourself up over past mistakes only serves to continue on that feeling of reliance on a substance.

    You need to be kind to yourself - remember we all make mistakes - and just take things day by day. Only look back to see how far you've come, rather than making yourself feel bad.
    gracer likes this.
  10. jupiter

    jupiter Active Contributor

    This is very true. But it is often easier said than done. Shame and guilt can grip addicts and alcoholics on a profound level. Not only shame and guilt that comes with not being able to control your addiction sometimes, but also the shame and guilt felt because of those we have hurt along the way.
    gracer likes this.
  11. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Yes, recovering addicts should not be too hard on themselves and they should learn to lighten up and accept the fact that they made a mistake and no one's perfect. If they would be too hard on themselves then they would have difficulty making progress because they can't move on from their past.
    gracer likes this.
  12. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    That is so right. Aside from the hurt that an addicted person has inflicted upon him/herself, he/she must learn to forgive him/herself for hurting the people who matter most to him/her. Forgiveness doesn't come in an instant, it has to undergo a series of steps for someone to be able to forgive him/herself or others but the important thing is to learn how to let go and forgiveness will eventually come along.
  13. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    That's really something that we all must do to move on. Sure, we can forgive other people but forgiving ourselves can be quite hard for us. Why? Why must we be so hard on ourselves and outline our mistakes and flaws? I think it's because of the guilt of the things we did and the feeling that we are not worth it. But in order for us to forgive ourselves, we must think that the past should be in the past and that we are of course worth forgiving.
    gracer likes this.
  14. jupiter

    jupiter Active Contributor

    You are right. But ist is very difficult to forgive yourself sometimes. Often it is easier to forgive someone else for hurting me, than it is for me to forgive myself for hurting someone else. It is difficult to carry around the guilt of having hurt, betrayed, let down , disappointed others in the past all for the sake of alcohol. It is a difficult pill to swallow.
    gracer likes this.
  15. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    I understand. :) The guilt of knowing that someone else has been hurting because of you is also a very painful feeling. Sometimes when I think about those times when I used to drink a lot too, I know I was hurting my parents even more than I was hurting myself and it pained me the most. I didn't want to hurt them that way but I unconsciously did, because of my habit. I'm just so thankful that everything has been fixed now and I was given the chance to make up for all the mistakes I did in the past. I guess that's what we all need in this life, forgiveness and second chances. :)
    jupiter likes this.
  16. jupiter

    jupiter Active Contributor

    The problem is that sometimes we don't have the strength or know-how to approach the people we have hurt in the past to make amends. The guilt and shame builds, and becomes stronger and stronger. But, our skills and knowledge about how to approach people we have hurt does not become stronger. We just don't know how to do it sometimes.
    gracer likes this.
  17. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    You're so right. At first, I just couldn't find the courage to approach my parents and say sorry for all the hurt I have caused them so I chose to slowly show them that I'm already a changed person. I think the word "sorry" has never come out off my mouth but they felt how sorry I am through my actions until time passed by and the wounds seemed to have slowly healed. I guess forgiveness really takes time and it is a step-by step process. The process may be slow and unsure but in the end, once everything that has been broken has finally healed, forgiveness will also come naturally. :)
    jupiter likes this.
  18. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Without forgiveness you'll have things you can't change stressing you up forever. Sure the thoughts can be hard to erase from your mind but you can concentrate on making better decisions. You'll be creating new and better memories which you can insulate you from bad memories if you want them to. Never attempt to do anything more because if you seek redemption, this too won't end well because nothing you do can change the past. When it's gone let it go.
    gracer likes this.
  19. Zyni

    Zyni Community Champion

    I've always found this part to be the toughest challenge, in all areas of life. Even when others forgive me, I have a hard time forgiving myself. I think we need to realize that we are just as deserving of forgiveness as everyone else is. If everyone deserves a second chance, aren't we part of that "everyone"? We have to learn to love ourselves.
    gracer likes this.
  20. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    This is sooo true! Many times we think that being hard on oneself is a way to pay off all the sorrow we caused to others, or to recriminate our own self about those mistakes we made.

    Only forgiving and forgetting about the past makes able moving on; and it's not that we really forget what we did, but put it into a different context to make such past remain quietly lying in our mind as what it is today; a sad memory of what IT WAS, and no of what IT IS now.
    Zyni and gracer like this.