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Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Twinsmommy31, Feb 3, 2015.

  1. Twinsmommy31

    Twinsmommy31 Active Contributor

    Do you need the forgiveness of others to move forward with your life? Is it essential in your recovery?
  2. meenz

    meenz Member

    At one point in my life I thought that forgiveness was the only way to move forward and be happy. I believed this so firmly that until the day I forgave, I was a miserable wreck.
    In reality, I was doing it to myself. I was not allowing myself to be happy. I was convincing myself every day that I could not be happy until I forgave this person and they forgave me. This was entirely wrong. You cannot rely on others to bring you happiness. You cannot expect everyone to forgive you for the bad you have done. Because of this you must try to live your life for yourself.
    You should not allow others to drag you down, or yourself to drag you down like I did. You do not need someone's forgiveness to move on. At the time you may think you do, but you must realize that they will either eventually forgive you or leave. If they leave your life they were never worth it.
    This is my standpoint, and what I needed someone to tell me. Their forgiveness was not essential in my recovery, and waiting for them to forgive made it worse. Believe in yourself and forgive yourself.
  3. cowboyz4life

    cowboyz4life Member

    Forgiveness can be good to help ease a troubled mine. The forgiveness is not about the other person, it is for you. I think it may be essential to help right those wrongs and put your mind at ease.
  4. RingoBerry

    RingoBerry Senior Contributor

    I believe forgiveness is earned, a lot of people take the word "sorry" too much for granted that it is often used with the least bit of sincerity along with the expectation that the whole thing is okay again - but acceptance of whatever transgression we've done or received from others is what really helps us to go past the situation.
  5. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Yes. I think forgiveness can help someone to recover. But when you are asking for forgiveness, you must be really sincere and it should also come deep from your heart.
  6. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Some people, those who think they are the ones who've been wronged never will ask for forgiveness. Instead they'll expect those around them to apologize for "treating them the way they did, using them the way they did," etc, etc.

    I believe therefore that for some people forgiveness is the first step to ground them in recovery but for a few others, it's an entirely different story.
  7. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    Absolutely you do not need external things or entities to forgive you to move on in life, I guarantee this is a fact and not a matte of perspective. The one individual one must forgive most is their self for all the things one did or did not do! For when one forgives their self, that is when one can become a better man/woman - no other creature can truly feel or think what one feels or thinks!
  8. 003

    003 Community Champion

    No, I would understand if there are people who could not actually forgive me. But I would apologize to them if it were really my fault. It's not easy to forgive, but at least show the remorse and your sincerity of your desire to be forgiven and stay sincere even if that's forgiveness that you desire isn't given to you.
  9. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    One of my favorite topics; Forgiveness! I believe that for many addicts hearing that others have forgiven them for their past mistakes might mean a lot. That said, I believe the first and greatest kind of forgiveness should be of self. Before moving forward with purpose and peace of mind a person needs to forgive themselves.

    We all make mistakes, we all mess up, we are all imperfect and acknowledging that and forgiving ourselves should be liberating. I believe there is no greater freedom.
  10. bluzkluz09

    bluzkluz09 Active Contributor

    We all make mistakes and we have all done things we regret. Forgiveness is an important part of healing. It makes us accountable for the deed we have done. We must first admit what we have done. One of the hardest things might be to forgive yourself. We may be so guilt ridden it will take a long time to make peace with the person we have wronged. I believe in asking for forgiveness and for forgiving others. I believe it does help us to move forward in life. If we do not acknowledge the hurt we have caused it can leave a hole in our hearts and the hearts of the ones we have hurt.
  11. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    I think that hearing that others have forgiven you is a huge deal and probably will go a long way when it comes to your recovery progress and your focus in staying healthy and sober. I however also think that the most important aspect of forgiveness is one forgiving themselves.

    There is nothing as hard as living with the guilt of having hurt someone you care about and fighting an addiction at the same time. I think that if you can't forgive yourself first and matter how many people say they forgive you, you will never really heal and move forward until you have forgiven yourself!
  12. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    I believe that it is important to be living in this world if you will forgive other people and the same time other people will also forgive you for the mistakes that they had and you had for each other.. It is very rewarding and it feels good after those forgiveness and you can move on already in your life without the pain and guilt that is in your heart.
  13. starbaby

    starbaby Member

    No, I don't think it is imperative, although sometimes I believe it can be helpful. I guess it would really would depend on the person you need forgiveness from and the circumstances surrounding it.

    Sometimes reopening the past to seek forgiveness would actually be a set-back, especially if the people you are seeking forgiveness from are part of the life-style you are trying to get out of. Even when you decide that you need the closure , you need to consider that it could be very hard for the other person involved, for instance, a past SO who tried to support you or who lived with you and your addiction issues.

    I tried to gain closure from a partner in a past relationship (although this is unrelated to and substance issues), and he wouldn't give it to me. He said I hurt him and he wanted no contact. I think that hurt me more than not having the closure and it would definitely make me hesitant to reach out for forgiveness again.
  14. Matthodge1

    Matthodge1 Community Champion

    I would say that for many people, that is the key to moving on.
  15. HugsNotDrugs

    HugsNotDrugs Active Contributor

    I think you need to ask for forgiveness, but if the person won't give it I don't think you should let that affect your recovery.

    You need to REALLY apologize though, not just say you're sorry. You need to completely humble yourself, admit to everything you did, and listen to the other person when they tell you about how it made them feel. Then if you truly apologize and change your ways and they still won't forgive you, it's best to just give them time to come to terms with what happened and try again.
  16. juno

    juno Community Champion

    AA has this step where you do go and face people you have wronged. So, I don't know if it is really about gaining forgiveness, because the other party doesn't necessarily have to forgive you, but it is the process of facing your wrongs and asking the universe for forgiveness to move on.
  17. goldenmaine

    goldenmaine Active Contributor

    Forgiveness is very important for your recovery and the recovery of others. If we have done something wrong to hurt our family and friends, may it be because we abused a certain substance for other reasons, forgiving is essential in moving forward to an early and happy recovery. Those who are recovering are sad and depressed and they need all the support they can. Knowing that they have been already forgiven by the people they hurt, will be of great help to them, since they won’t think of how much they hurt the people around them anymore and they will be confident of a support group that will help them get through.
  18. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    No, why should we need it? If we sincerely apologized for the wrong things that we did, then I guess that's enough. If the person in question still does not want to forgive us, then it's their grudge, and not ours. Our recovery does not depend on them anyway.
  19. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    Well I can ask for it and try to prove that I have changed and I am sincere. Ultimately it is going to be the individual themselves to be forgiveful. I can't twist their arms and make them. Hopefully they are.
  20. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    If we waited to be forgiven by everyone else before moving on with our lives, we might as well save ourselves the trouble of changing altogether. The best we can do is extend an apology and hope it is accepted. If it is not, we move on because we know we made an effort. Acknowledging your guilt is what matters in the end.