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Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by pstrong1969, Sep 2, 2015.

  1. pstrong1969

    pstrong1969 Community Champion

    Forgiveness is so important to the quality of life we live. I have been wronged by people that made me so angry. I dont even want to say what i would have liked to have done to that person. Holding on to Hate and Anger was like drinking Poison. Resentment is like venom. It comes to the surface when you least expect it. Also i am learning to forgive even the worse wrongs, only because it is better to let go instead of hold on to it. When i was young, teenage years to somewhat recently. I walked around with a Huge chip on my shoulder. Growing up was hard, my Mother was very hard to please, She was abusive. So i grew up very angry. Its not a surprise i suffer from high blood pressure. Im glad im learning to let go of anger and resentment. My hope is that others can learn this valuable lesson.
    Damien Lee, xTinx and deanokat like this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I just posted this quote in another thread, but I'm gonna post it here, too.

    "Forgiveness means it finally becomes unimportant that you hit back. You're done. It doesn't necessarily mean that you want to have lunch with the person. If you keep hitting back, you stay trapped in the nightmare." --Anne Lamott
    Rainman and kassie1234 like this.
  3. harold

    harold Community Champion

    I agree, We need to forgive and let go. Bearing grudges of what we have gone through keeps us in the past. I had certain difficulties at one point in my life. My childhood was not exactly the one I had envisaged. At one point, I had to live with someone who was not necessarily bad, but just insensitive to my emotions and needs as a growing up child. There were times when she was great, and there were others when she would just shock you with the way she will behave. I tried to adapt with this unstable behavior but it was not easy. There were times when I felt like the whole world had abandoned me. The sad thing in all of this is the fact that I had very loving parents who never knew what I was going through. At one point in my life, I rose above my fears and took my destiny in my hands. I learnt to trust God, and above all, to forgive. It is not easy to forgive, but it feels great to know that you have forgiven someone.
    deanokat likes this.
  4. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I think both asking for forgiveness and forgiving others are such brave acts. It just means that you have already matured and became a better person. You're able to realize that some people aren't perfect, and one way or another, they would eventually hurt you. Just put the past behind you, and look forward to the future without any emotional baggage.
    deanokat likes this.
  5. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    Having a grudge in life will only stop you from moving on with your own life and stop you from letting go of the past. The only way is to forgive people for what they have done to you, and while that might be hard depending what they have done, it will be a relief knowing it's finally in the past and you can move on.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    This was something I had to realize myself - that forgiving someone didn't have to also mean I wanted to be the person's best friend, but it was more for my own sake. Holding onto past grudges and wrongs was only chewing me up inside, rather than doing anything productive or beneficial.

    I also had to forgive myself - and I think that was even harder than forgiving others!
    deanokat likes this.
  7. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    My partner never forgives and he never forgets. He holds grudges and he lives things over and over again. He just can't let them go. He can't move forward in his life because he lives in the past. I believe that is why he is such a heavy drinker. When he drinks he brings up things from the past and he dwells on them until he becomes angry. I have heard the same stories over and over and over again! I think if he could forgive and let go he could live a happier and healthier life but as long as he lives in the past he will remain the person he is today!!
  8. pstrong1969

    pstrong1969 Community Champion

    To L B-Thats typical among people that abuse alcohol-We live in the past or the future, never enjoying the moment.
    deanokat likes this.
  9. Cheeky_Chick

    Cheeky_Chick Community Champion

    I think that it is very important to forgive, as there is no way that you will ever be in the right frame of mind if you don't choose to do this. In order to move forward with your journey when it comes to addiction, you need to forgive yourself and others around you, and only then will you be able to get your life back on track. You should make sure that you give yourself time, too, to come to terms with the ways in which your life has changed. Then, you will find that things improve for you a lot.
    deanokat likes this.
  10. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    I'm kind of in the same place as you. My parents were not only smokers and regular drinkers, they also had a really bad temper and would lash out at each other over the smallest things. Unfortunately I subconciously picked up those things as well and now I'm struggling to get rid of this behavior. It's pretty hard.
  11. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    It is true that you can never move forward if you hang on to negative feelings. Being able to forgive is one of them. I have heavy resentment in my heart. It weighs me down and it's a part of me that I have a hard time shaking off. It's something that I struggle with and I learn as I live to deal with it in a positive manner.
  12. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I like. Timely for me at this very moment.

    Timely for me again and I will end my night with "forgiveness" in mind.
  13. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    This is so incredibly important. Bitter feelings are so bad for us all. You need to be quick to forgive even if they haven't apologized. It's so healthy to forgive I can't stress that enough.
  14. misskrystal1982

    misskrystal1982 Active Contributor

    Yes! Forgiveness is not an easy thing. Holding on to any anger does no one any good. I think it does more damage to the angry person than the one they are angry with!
    I find some days forgiveness comes easily. Other days, I see I am not as forgiving as I thought I was.

    All we can do is take it one day at a time.
  15. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Humans as we are, forgiving those who've offended or wronged us may well be one of the hardest things to do. Little do we know that it's the best cure to anger, bitterness and, at times, nagging sadness. When we forgive, we let go of our hurts and build more room for happiness.
  16. Steve Dawson

    Steve Dawson Community Champion

    Anger can be such a destructive emotion, both to ourselves and others around us. I've learned to deal with my anger with age and experience and have never been more relaxed and happy in my life. It can be an vicious circle as the more angry you are, the more likely you are to become angry about other things. I'm glad you've beaten it Pstrong, you and me both, we can both life live to the fullest now.
  17. JayLyn

    JayLyn Active Contributor

    Staying stuck in blame and anger only hurts the person who is holding on to the anger. Lets face it, the person that wronged you isn't sitting around wondering if your OK and losing sleep over it. They aren't affected by your rage and hurt, far from it, they are off enjoying their lives and here you are still tied up in emotional knots. When we stay trapped in resentment for what someone else has done to us, we stay stuck in other ways too. Our lives just don't seem to move forward the way they should and other things that normally wouldn't bother us get bigger and more aggravating by the minute. All that you accomplish when you harbor resentment is give the person who harmed you in the first place, the ability to harm you some more, and without ever having to do anything. Isn't that just great, not! So, do the meanest thing you can, forgive that person and then forget about it. They hurt you and hope that you will dwell on it, when you don't they don't get their reward.
  18. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think anger and resentment is just natural, so if you feel it towards someone then if possible speak your mind so that it will not fester inside of you. People vary in trying to forgive or forget a wrong that has been done to them, but like what they always say, time heals all wounds, and in time they will feel nothing when they think about the wrong that has been done to them.
  19. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. I was the typical archetype of the angry young man and would react negatively to the smallest altercations. I would also keep grudges for a long time, which wasn't good for my emotional well-being. Fortunately, as the years went by I started to loosen up. These days, it will have to be something extremely serious to make me angry. I've learned to forgive and forget, which is a great thing.
  20. Carnold23

    Carnold23 Community Champion

    Thank you so much for this post.
    I have a really hard time with forgivness. I too was abused growing up by my stepfather, I was also molested as a very young child. It is so hard being filled with so much hate, so much pain. I struggle with it every day. It kills me knowing that I carry this pain with me on a daily basis, and that the people who hurt me are walking around like it's nothing. I try to remember that forgiveness is for me, not for them. And that the best revenge is to be happy. Being angry doesn't hurt them, it hurts me. I really appreciate your post, this is one of the most inspiring posts I have read. Thank you very much.