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Found out my daughters father was using meth while i was pregnant

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by missa02082511, Apr 22, 2017.

  1. missa02082511

    missa02082511 Member

    Hi everyone. Never thought id be here. Anyways ill get right into it...
    I broke up with the father of my daughter last October when our daughter was barely 2 months old. We had been together for 4 years and were engaged to be married. I was very much in love with him. I must of been in some kind of denial looking back but I can say 100% never suspected him of using meth.

    okay so after pretty much a mental break down on his part, him loosing his job, not coming home some nights and an incident with up a gun I left him with our daughter and moved out of state back to my parents house. 2 months later he got arrested for violating probation in December and has been in jail ever since. We have spoke maybe like 10 times on the phone and he finally admitted he was doing meth while i was pregnant and then after she was born obviously. I don't know anyone whose ever done meth before. I'm from an area where that isn't even a drug people do...(we were in Georgia when he was doing it longer live there) and I have no experience with addicts. He wants a second chance . to make things right . etc. Says he still loves me. I think its all a bunch of lies and I trust nothing he says.

    Do you think he will ever change? Is it possible that he could become a stable person and father figure or am I wasting my time and should cut him out permanently? I am so torn and probably sound pretty stupid as you are reading this. I am disgusted and hate him for lying and using drugs behind my back and still deep down care about him. But I love my daughter more and will always choose her safety and well being over anything to do with him. I am just so torn and have no one I can talk to about this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @missa02082511... Welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles you're going through with your daughter's father. Loving someone with an addiction problem is certainly a huge challenge.

    For what it's worth, you don't sound stupid at all. You're going through an incredibly difficult period and have all kinds of thoughts and feelings that are hard to deal with. Just know that you are not alone. There are so many others out there who are, or have been, right where you are.

    As far as whether or not your man will ever change...that's a question no one can answer. Lots of people who struggle with addiction do end up getting and staying clean. Others don't. A lot of it has to do with what the individual wants, because they are the only person who can change their life. Like Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach us about our loved one's addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

    You are right to be putting yourself and your daughter first. You two should always be your number one priority. Your happiness and well-being are so important. Always remember: YOUR lives matter, too.

    I would suggest that you do a little reading on the subject of addiction to get some background information and some ideas for how to deal with things going forward. There's a wonderful book called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change and I highly recommend it. It's written specifically for partners and parents of people with addiction and it is full of incredibly helpful information. It's the best book I've ever read on the subject and I think it would help you immensely.

    Also, consider going to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting. Being among people who know exactly what you're going through and feeling can be super helpful and comforting.

    We are here to help and support you however we can, my friend. So feel free to reach out and lean on us anytime, whether it's for advice or just to vent. In the meantime, I'm sending you and your daughter lots of love and positive energy. And big hugs of hope for your future. I will also keep the father of your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.