I appologize in advance this is long. I am new to this forum and seeking advise on how to help a friend without reopening my own emotional wounds. I want to start by saying my brother passed away 5 years ago at the age of 21 from an accidental heroin overdose. He kept his illness a secret from literally everyone close to him and we came to find out he only used with his drug "friends". It was crushing to my family and I know we've all taken turns blaming ourselves for missing the signs. As you can tell by my use of the word "illness", I truly believe this is a disease and I have vowed to never turn my back on someone suffering from it. Every day I feel lucky that none of the very dumb things I did when I was young resulted in a crippling addiction. It is true when people say it can happen to anyone. Fast forward to now. Even with all of that said, I was livid when one of my best friends, since we were 15, told me he was addicted to heroin. He was at my brothers funeral. I know this isn't about me but it's hard to see past that. His story is similar to many others in that he started with pills. They got too expensive and turned to the hard stuff. The day he called to tell me this was the day before he left for rehab. It's now about 6 months later and he's home and calls and wants to know if I want to grab a bite. He picks me up and I quickly realize on the drive he's high on weed and I noticed his car smelled like it. He assured me that none was in the car, but in Ohio it's still illegal and he could have wrecked or been pulled over. He ordered a drink at dinner. I really don't think he took his rehab seriously at all. These behaviors seem to be asking for a relapse. He actually told me he snuck a hooker in the rehab facility! I didn't even know what to say to that. Somehow he also got a hold of a joint he found in a park and smoked it. I'm not 100% sure that he wasn't on anything else that night but he didn't have the pin prick pupils I've noticed can come with opiate use. He did joke about getting cocaine at one point so who knows... Since he gets pot from a dealer I'm not sure what would happen if the dealer offered up something else. He was acting really odd though. Very weird. It was like carrying on a conversation with a middle school boy kind of and we used to talk about politics and current events. Up until he went to rehab we still tried to meet up every 6 months or so it was obviously very different. Is it possible the drugs have just done irreversible damage on his brain and this is the new him? I am married (to a wonderful and understanding husband), have 2 young children, a full time job, and am in the process of selling our current home and buying a new one. My plate is full. And I tend to take on other people problems as my own. I'm wondering if I need to make the hard decision to cut ties. Or should I try to maintain our friendship more from of a distance and offer support that way (text/email)? I saw this suggested in another post. To put it bluntly though, I'm scared that if I decide I can't sign up for this it may mean the next time I see him will be at his funeral.