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Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Rainman, Jul 13, 2015.

  1. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    What would you do for a friend? Your best friend? Would you make them promises and fail to keep them?

    Most people would do much for their friends but find it impossible to do as much for themselves. Fact is the best friend you'll ever have is yourself and it follows therefore that if you love yourself you need to be kind to your body. Use not anything [drugs or substances] that will be harmful to it.

    Having any difficulty fighting your addictions? Make promises to your best friend [yourself] and honor them — it's the greatest test of one's integrity and I believe such an approach could be useful to some people who don't know how they'll fight their addictions [and win].
    LilAnn likes this.
  2. MyLife

    MyLife Member

    In my case, I didn't make promises to anyone. I have always been extremely stubborn, doing only what I wanted to do and nothing that anyone else ever asked of me. When I got busted using meth, my child was taken from me. I went through the motions of following what was being asked by the courts, but I did it with with a chip on my shoulder. Only ever doing "just enough" of what they asked of me to get by. I always had the intention to start using again as soon as I didn't have someone breathing down my neck. Then one day I heard someone say that I was never going to get my child back from Child Protective Services. They said that his foster family had petitioned to adopt him once I lost my parental rights. And I thought to myself, "Oh really, watch this..." From that point on, I was good. I did exact what I needed to do to prove that I had the right to raise my son. I used the same stubbornness that kept me high and I used it to keep myself clean. I did everything that was asked of me and more. I went above and beyond what was asked to show that I was a good parent and deserved the right to raise my son. It took 2 years... but my son was returned to me, my case was closed. That was seven years ago and I have never looked back.

    In the end, each of us has to find our own motivation to stay clean. For some, it is to stay out of jail, for some it is to change their life (or to save it). Some of us just need to use that stubbornness that kept them high and use it to find a better way. To each comes their own journey and no two are alike. That journey through recovery becomes the basis for who we will become in life. So if you want it bad enough, you find a way through the pain, anger and depression an create a life that will make you happy.
  3. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    In recent times I have been thinking a lot about friendships and how they are defined. Rainman, your perspective on making yourself your very best friends point to an interesting scenario. I have really never looked at things in this way. I reflect on this and think tha perhaps I have done myself a great injustice by not being my own friend.

    From an addiction point of view, your logic seems plausible even if not easily applied. Mylife, thanks for introducing me to 'good stubbornness". Until now I was not aware it existed. I am thrilled you on a forward path and wish you continued success.
  4. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    You're 100% correct! But, I don't know if its just me or not, but sometimes its hard to like, much less love, that best friend. I think getting high and drunk can even feel like a good way to knock them out cold so you could forget about them for a while. maybe if you dislike them enough, you might decide to do those things because you feel like they deserve it.
  5. MyLife

    MyLife Member

    I think that you have pinpointed the main problem here. So many addicts don't like themselves and are unhappy with their lives and choices that they keep using to mask those feelings. Addicts forget who they were before the drugs and alcohol. They figure that it is too scary to go through the emotions of sobriety so they just keep doing it. All the while, they are screaming inside and begging for a way out!

    Fortunately, wanting to change shows that you are trying to make better decisions. Whether you are doing it for yourself or your family or your spouse or your children, you are making the right choice. In NA they say "Let us love you until you can love yourself". This is so very true. When you get clean, you will be going through emotions that you had all but forgotten about. You will be dealing with fear and guilt and anger and sadness and excitement.

    All I can say is that you have to find people "like you". (The people who are still using are no longer like you and though you might still identify with them, they are no longer healthy for you to be around.) It doesn't matter if it is a treatment center, outpatient or outpatient, one of the anonymous programs, a church recovery group, or anything else you can think of. Find the people who understand how you are feeling right now and can offer ideas and suggestions of how they made it through and came out better on the other side. Don't give up! Even when it gets hard. You are not the "worst" addict out there. Others have been though what you are going through. And they understand. So let them help. Even if you think what they tell you is total bull Sh**. Just listen....
    amin021023 likes this.
  6. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I'm sure we've all fell out with our friends at one time or another. Just because they're a friend, doesn't necessarily mean that your going to agree on everything.

    Turning to drink or drugs isn't the answer, even though it's an easier solution, standing up and tackling a problem is the only way to get things better.
  7. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    @MyLife Whats great about this site is regardless of if you're an addict, a supporter, or just curious everyone can find someone like them.

    As far as other users not being"like" them, It's really sad isn't it. I can just imagine seeing someone ho is still using, and wanting to help them. At the same time, they made make it even harder to say "no" if you're around them.
  8. deewanna

    deewanna Senior Contributor

    Among the most effective things that you can do in order to assist your buddy is be encouraging.
    Occasionally taking out time to do something you love can help take off the mind off what is worrying your friend. The same holds true for your friend. You could play a game, or you could go shopping or see a film.
  9. andrewjames

    andrewjames Member

    I've found that the best thing I could do for my friends (and I've known, and lost, a few people to addiction) is to always be there for them - but this is often easier said than done.

    I remember the first time I said to someone "call me, anytime". Well, they did. At precisely 3.14 am one Monday morning. They weren't in a good way, but I suppose that's always the case. But we sorted things out. And she's OK now. So yeah, be there for them. Sometimes that's all they need.
    amin021023 likes this.
  10. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    This is a great way to look at fighting addiction. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't help anyone else. Once you start caring about yourself and well being, your able to help others in need. An addiction will just suck the life out of you if it's a bad one. If your going to be addicted to something it should be living life to the fullest.
  11. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I agree, but what I consider as a "best friend" is someone who understands me but also someone who tries to make me a better version of myself, sort of a good influence to me. I have a best friend and we always try to keep motivating and inspiring one another. I would say, I would do anything just to keep our friendship because I really love her and I would never want to lose her. She's like a sister to me now.
  12. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I think its someone who you can tell anything to, and instead of judging you they laugh or cry with you.
  13. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    I rarely make promises but when I do, I go the extra mile to ensure they are kept! But that's just me. I put honor before everything else.
  14. srock

    srock Member

    Someone recently told me "you are your own best friend, so look out for yourself as your best friend would." I really took it to heart and I have held it my heart. It changed my perspective, motivating my self care and secure boundaries. With living by this value of being my own best friend, I have experienced great improvements in quality of life.
  15. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    This is a good read, I totally agree, loving yourself and being best mates with your own buddy improves one's self steam and confidence and will definitely have positive results... everyone wants to take care of their best friends therefore choosing your body as your best friend will help a lot, thanks for this reminder OP.

    @andrewjames: great story you shared, There are times when you just want to talk to someone specially your best mate, what you did for her was the best thing you could have done for her and yet it was free and easy, OH my life's surprising sometimes...
  16. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    It's so interesting when you just change your perspective on things like that! I feel like as humans we are often hardest on ourselves but treat others in our lives with more patience and more respect.

    I know sometimes my inner voice has been rather terrible to myself - these days I stop and try to ask myself if I would talk like that to others and the answer is always no! So there's no reason for me to beat myself up!
  17. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    I’m someone who’s incredibly hard on myself at times. It can be difficult to remember that I am indeed my own best friend. But it’s so, so true. Any changes I’ve made in my life have been more likely to stick when they’ve come from a place of love for myself, rather than self-loathing.
  18. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I've been thinking about this quite a bit since I first read it. No matter how I look at it, it always comes back to the same thing... I treated my best friend SO badly.
  19. JessiFox

    JessiFox Active Contributor

    Yes, it seems responsibility to others can be a powerful motivator, even when we can't find it in us to be honorable to ourselves. An interesting thought.
  20. LilAnn

    LilAnn Community Champion

    I have always been a better friend to other people than myself. I'm still a work in progress, I guess.
    JessiFox likes this.