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From My Eyes

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by kevinkimers, Nov 7, 2014.

  1. kevinkimers

    kevinkimers Community Champion

    A lot of those who use drugs or alcohol fail to realize the impact these substances have on the people that love and depend on them. Here is my story...

    My father was a Vietnam Vet and my mother grew up in Korea during the occupation and the Korean War. They both suffered sever PTSD and were both drinkers. When I was small it was not so bad. Their drinking did not become really bad until I was about 10. My father lost his job and went to Rehab, but it did not work. Within months after getting out he started to drink again. My mothers at this time was still not as bad as my fathers but she was drinking to. There was verbal, physical, and emotional abuse to go around. My parents were sleeping in separate rooms by the time I was 7. My father ended up in the hospital for something (not sure what) and ended up having multiple strokes due to withdrawal. His liver was pretty much gone at this point and because of the strokes, have his brain was gone also. He did not know who I was.

    Funny thing is, before he ended up in the hospital... the last words I said to him was I hated him and I wanted him dead. After years of being slapped around and dealing with him drinking, I finally snapped and fought back. Now I am left with those last words, I was 13 when he passed. My mother ended up in the hospital and I went to live with my aunt who used me like a slave until my mother came home. Her drinking got worse. We got a home of our own, and her drinking increased... the verbal abuse turned to physical at this point. I was 15 when this was happening. After having put up with this from my father though... I no longer would just take it. I fought back. At 16 I quit school, at 17 went to college in another state. That was the quickest way for me to escape. Instead... I got involved in drugs and alcohol and ran with the worse sort. I was neck deep in a world I should not have been in. Then my mother got sick... in a way, I think she saved my life.

    I walked away from it all without a second glance and returned home to take care of her. But her drinking had not changed. I would leave home for other places hoping to escape, but guilt at leaving my foreign widowed mother with no one to look out for her kept bringing me back. We would fight, she would go to the cops to try and have me arrested, then change her mind and take me home. I went through this until she died in 1999, I was 26.

    Now I am 40 and in my first real relationship going on 5 years and still refuse to get married to him as much as I love him. He was going drugs when we met. I told him me or the drugs, and he chose me. That's got to say something about a man. However, my past still effects me and I go into my own head at times. I suffer from PTSD and Bipolar disorder and battle with that every day.

    So for those who have children... before you take that next drink or drug, think about this story. This was the easy version. If I told it all... well lets just say I made it sound nicer then it really was.

    I hope this helps some of you to know why it is so important to get away from the stuff. Not just for yourselves, but for those you love to.
    ExpertAdvice and jeremy2 like this.
  2. SuphaflyUK

    SuphaflyUK Member

    Thanks for your story kevin. I can't imagine how hard it must be on the children in such situations and I'm glad that I don't have kids. Alot of the people I know in recovery were in active addiction during parenthood and their stories are sad to hear. Broken families, lost love. However there is hope as quite a lot of these people have managed to regain their family through sobriety. What's also nice to see is mothers / fathers and daughters / sons in recovery. I know some who go to the same meetings as their children, who are also in recovery now, partly due to their parents example.
  3. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Drugs addictions break up families. Most people do stupid things which they wouldn't have done had they been sober. The person who is hurt by the words said, or the any physical violence may find it hard to forgive the parent if this happens frequently. I saw that happen in my family too. My old man used to drink a lot. And he had some not-so-nice words to say when he was drunk. This angered my sister and she left. Moved to a different country and only calls only once year. He's been sober for a while but there are some things that you just can't erase from people's minds. Some rifts once created, can't be bridged.
  4. kevinkimers

    kevinkimers Community Champion

    I forgave them with no problem because I knew it was not them, it was the alcohol. The part that is hardest to live with is that I allowed myself to lose control with them. Instead of holding back my anger, I said things I did not really mean. Luckily I got the chance to tell my Mother I loved her before she passed, but the last words I said to my father still haunt me. I also constantly think about all the things they will miss out on or not be apart of in my life. Marriage, Grand-kids.... my father did not even get to see me graduate. That is the hardest part of it all. Forgiveness was easy.
  5. SuphaflyUK

    SuphaflyUK Member

    It is the great tragedy of addiction: lost time - and being unable to get any of that stuff back. Especially things you really want to have done. I haven't even met my 1 year old nephew yet because I am not allowed to yet. This is fine and I accept it completely. Until I get some time under my belt I don’t deserve to see him though I can’t wait to be an uncle to him and my other 3 year old nephew.
  6. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Drug addiction in my view is like a malignant cancer when it happens in the family setting. Everyone gets affected at one point in his/her life and the repercussions can be deadly. I was really touched by your story and it's my hope and belief that someone out there will draw courage and inspiration from your experiences and make a positive change in his life.
  7. ExpertAdvice

    ExpertAdvice Active Contributor

    A story of an over comer, I really like that you were a first-hand witness to the effects of alcohol and that you now realize how harmful alcohol is, not only to your person, but to your family life. I want to beseech parents who have children, spare them the heartache and the troubled future! Don't take drugs.