An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Getting Dumped and relapsing:

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by pstrong1969, Aug 8, 2015.

  1. pstrong1969

    pstrong1969 Community Champion

    I was headed for 5 months clean time off of Heroin and other substances. I was doing really good. My life was changing for the better. I was in a relationship with a really amazing woman. Bam she dumped me, didnt see that coming. I didnt relapse then, that was about 2-3 wks ago. But i went to the Dentist and had to have my molars cut out. They were impacted. And i abused the Pain meds. Thats a relapse, where i come from. I went to a meeting and got a start over token. Lasted two days, i used again today. Im not going to let my disease kill me. Deep down i think it was the failed relationship trip me up. Im still trippin over it. Why- because there is no explanation for the break-up. We never argued, nothing bad between us. So much good and i thought Love between us-guess not. How does a woman wake up and say i love you but im not in Love with you. Huh/ I guess God will show me the answer when hes ready. I really need feedback.
  2. recovered

    recovered Member

    Stay strong, sometimes there are other explanations for a woman leaving, her family, her situation, a change of scenery. I think you can live for yourself and not depend on a woman or the substances that controlled your life before. I have been clean for almost a year, the 11th will be a year exactly. It was difficult for me, I tried to use relationships as an alternative to the drugs and it got messy. I am sure that is not your situation, I just want you to know you are strong and you can live a clean life.
  3. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    What your girlfriend did to you wasn't fair. She should at least have told you that she was leaving and give you the reasons so you'd at least know why. But what's done is done. There's no way to escape the heartache. Embrace the pain and let time heal you. That's the only way to deal with it. Drugs may provide a temporal escape [from reality] but eventually you'd have to deal with the pain and the sooner you do that without drugs (congrats for making that decision) the better it will be for you in the long run.
  4. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I am sorry to hear that your relationship with her didn't work out well. I guess it's just that sometimes, people are fated to meet each other, but not meant to be together. Probably someone better would come along your way and would never take you for granted anymore. Just keep your faith in God. Always know that he has great plans for you. :)
  5. Rex

    Rex Community Champion

    I've been there. It is one of the worst feelings in the world. Give yourself some time to recover, take things slow. When you think the pain has eased go out and look for somebody new. Its hard to hear that now but its true, its the only way to get over her
  6. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    I always say: when one door closes, another opens. It will take time to heal, but lighter times lie ahead and new insights will come to you. Your disease won't kill you, because you know how to prevent that. One of the most valuable things that I learnt during a bad break-up was to never take things personal again. One of the most valuable quotes that I came across during those dark days were by the Dalai Lama who says that "Love is the absence of judgement".
    I decided to open my heart again and let the light in. That included feeling compassion and understanding for the person who had betrayed my trust.
  7. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    If I remember correctly from your previous posts, you hadn't been together very long and had moved in together really quickly. That's probably why things have gone wrong to be honest - you've both rushed things. It seems that the honeymoon period had worn off for her, that's all. You need to stop questioning why things went wrong and move forward.
  8. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    The problem with relationships is that they are the true double-edged sword. When they're strong and things are going great, then you can feel at your highest. Then a sudden breakup can put all aspects of your life in turmoil, and it's a gamble that we all take by entering into a relationship, no matter how short or long the whole thing lasts. A poorly timed breakup can have devastating effects, but we need to learn to keep fighting regardless of how our relationships go.
  9. pstrong1969

    pstrong1969 Community Champion

    Our break-up was amicable and we plan on staying friends. We will see. I believe when a door close its for a reason. i need to find out why and learn from it.
  10. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Your girlfriend probably came to the realization that the relationship was not working out for whatever reason, but she should have at least provided you with an explanation as to why she left. Perhaps it's something you both could have worked out, but maybe not. Stay strong though and do not let it bring you down.
  11. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    Relationships, or break ups can often lead people to relapse, I've been down that road a couple of times myself in the past, and it's certainly not pleasant.

    Only advice I can give, and it worked for me the second time, is accept that the relationship is over and move on. A lot of people try to save it or beat themselves up, wondering what's gone wrong and why it's happened. The main thing you have to realise is that it's has, and in my opinion, trying to stay friends or trying to keep that person in your life somehow, is only going to be detrimental.
  12. pstrong1969

    pstrong1969 Community Champion

    Yes i screwed the pooch, metaphorically speaking on this one. If i hadnt rushed this relationship we probably still could have been dating. She told me that she wanted friends with benefits. I really dont like that arrangement. So here i am, I feel better about it. Ive had a month to process it. So the pain is easing. Im more mad at myself for relapsing. But ive learned a lesson in that area to. Never give up damnitt. Thanks for all the good input.
  13. sksmith094

    sksmith094 Member

    Stay strong buddy, breakups often lead to relapses in these situations so you're definitely not alone here .. As for the breakup, sometimes you just never know why someone can do the things they do, it leaves us confused as hell ... but it's always for the best, if they would do that to you then you deserve better anyways in the long-run whether you think so or not!
  14. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    Sorry to hear about what you had to undergo with your ex-gf, but sometimes you just have to accept that she doesn't love you anymore, and that's all there is to it. A relationship doesn't have to be rocky for a break-up to happen. I hope you will eventually get to kick your unhealthy addiction despite the heartbreak that you're experiencing.