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Getting Everyone on the Same Page

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by irishrose, Oct 21, 2015.

  1. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    Some of my family members have been enabling a loved one with a drinking problem. They are just trying to help and be supportive, however, it is resulting in enabling the loved one. For example, they will give him gas money because he will say that he doesn't have enough money for gas in his vehicle to get to work, but he can afford to bring home alcohol or go out to the bar after work. They are starting to feel taken advantage of, however, they continue to help fund his drinking.

    How do we all get on the same page in helping this person? Should we discuss this with the loved one present or absent? What boundaries should be set?
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    To help this person it's best to let him know why you'll not be enabling his addiction anymore else he might think there's some other reason why no one wants to help him anymore which I believe would be counterproductive. You ought to discuss the matter with the addict present so he knows he won't be getting alcohol money from any of you.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I will say this: It's so important that all family members be on the same page when it comes to how they should deal with an addicted loved one. If different family members have different opinions, the loved one will just use the people he/she can manipulate, and play them against other family members. A united front is absolutely necessary.
  4. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    You should address it with the loved one present. Why talk about him behind his back. Talking to him about his problem may help. Hopefully you won't have to resort to not giving him money at all. having a intervention may work best.
  5. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I say sit him down and talk to him and let him know that you are not going to enable him. Express your concerns to him and how you feel about everything that is going on. It would also good to have a meeting with the rest of the family so that you can all get on the same page. That is the only way you are going to be able to help him. All the best!
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    They all should be on the same page, on single rotten apple can rot the others, so to speak. I'd organize a family meeting and discuss the issue with everyone. Then I'd openly ask those who are enabling my addicted loved one to stop. I'd do it in front of everyone else in hopes that would force them to stop by holding them accountable in front everyone else. This kind o issues don't solve that easily though :(
    deanokat likes this.
  7. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I would definitely arrange an entire-family meeting to get everything out and openly discuss the problem. Of course this might lead to anger and other problems but if they are enabling your loved one I think something needs to be done before it gets any worse.
  8. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    It does sound like they are just enabling him, and this should already stop now. They aren't helping him beat his addictions. Instead, they are making his addictions get worse. If they really want him to pull himself up, they have got to offer him words of encouragement, not money to fund hia drinking habits.