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Getting to know Mr. Hyde...

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by MrsJones, Aug 31, 2015.

  1. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    It's been six years of sobriety for my husband and now I getting to know Mr. Hyde. I have to admit that I enjoyed Dr. Jekyll much more. Mr. Hyde is so so different and I'm having a tough time trying to find out where I fit in. Don't get me wrong I love him dearly with all my heart.

    So my question is what are you doing or have you done when you met Mr./Mrs. Hyde?
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @MrsJones... I have no experience in this area, but I am intrigued by your post. I don't often hear of someone liking their old, addicted partner more than the new, sober version. I'm sorry that you're feeling the way you are. Hopefully others will be able to weigh in and share similar experiences.

    Peace and hugs.
    MrsJones likes this.
  3. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    MrsJones, I also came across Mr Hyde, and the only way to deal with him was to distance myself in order not to get hurt. It affected me a lot to suddenly be ignored and treated indifferently while other people and things became more important in his life. In fact, I considered this sudden strange indifference as a form of abuse, as I didn't understand what I had done to deserve such treatment. It took several months before he began to realize how destructive his behavior was. I remained by his side but, admittedly, it crossed my mind several times to pack my things and stay somewhere else for a while until he got back to his senses.
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  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    This is also something I worry about. I have come to know the man who likes to drink and depends on it. What will he be like when he quits? Will he be the same person or the person that I wish him to be? I will admit that scares me a bit. Sorry you are dealing with this! Hugs
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  5. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    I have felt this feelings as well except for packing my bags. I got laid off in August of last year and I just thought it was an adjustment period for both of us.

    I have distanced myself as well by gardening and other DIY projects that I've been wanting to do but was working. This has and does help me.

    @deanokat. Thank you for your words of encouragement. As I stated before in another post of mine, I would like to see more responses such as @amethyst. We are not the only ones that are or have experienced effects that happen during the recovery of our loved ones.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @MrsJones... I appreciate you educating me. I guess I just automatically assume that the clean and sober version of any person is the better version. But obviously that's not that case. It was ignorant of me and I hope my earlier comment didn't offend you in any way.

    Have a wonderful weekend.
    MrsJones likes this.
  7. pineywood

    pineywood Community Champion

    Mrs Jones, I hope you continue with the activities that make you happy!

    I must say when I first read your post, I too, was surprised to think that meeting the Mr Hyde would lead to this, but as @amethyst shares insight, it appears to be not uncommon.

    I really don't have an answer for you, but I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I am thinking about you because I have been reading your posts for several months now and you are such a good person and I appreciate all the support you extend to so many people here by sharing your insight and stories!
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  8. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @pineywood Thank you. I had second thoughts before joining because I felt I had no contributions that would benefit other members or the mission of the forum. Your response is very much appreciated.

    @deanokat no offense taken. We are all learning different aspects during the recovery of our loved ones and friends that we care about and that is always a good thing.
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  9. harold

    harold Community Champion

    It is usually difficult for loved ones when people change important parts of their lives, because they also try to adjust to the new ways of lives which their loved ones will behave. You may have strongly wished that he becomes clean, but you failed to see the fact that when he will become clean, he will also try to adjust other aspects of his life. I do not say that if a loved one changes the way he treats you especially the positive site of it, then it is good. What I am saying is that this person has lived a negative life in addiction and took several wrong decisions during this period. Now that the person is clean, the person scrutinizes every thing before acting on it. It is very natural to feel left out of the person's life, because the person will try to do new things in life. I believe that just as the person decided to seek positive change, the person can also reconsider your roll in his life. The solution to a problem like this will always be dialogue. Let your loved one know how you feel without making it sound like you are nagging. I really don't have much to say here. I only believe that dialogue can do. I also know that many people have found happiness in their homes when a loved one defeats an addiction. I believe that is why people say that every rule has an exception. I just wish you and everyone facing the same situation better days in future.
    pineywood, deanokat and MrsJones like this.
  10. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @harold you have just reinforce what I was thinking about the way our lives have changed during my husband's recovery. I myself realized that I was nagging him about certain things expecting everything to return to the way it was without the substance abuse. Wrong! With change comes change and I needed to do some changing myself. I love it when he wanders out into the backyard when I'm engaging in some creative activity and compliments me on my work. When that happens I am elated inside and graciously accept the compliments.
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  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    This made me smile. :)

    Peace and hugs to you, @MrsJones.
    MrsJones likes this.
  12. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @L_B you're on top of your feelings and I admire that in you. I never thought about these changes because I just wanted all the bad things happening to stop. It is a bit scary but you know I put all my trust in God knowing that all things work for His good.
    deanokat likes this.