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Getting your child to listen...

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by Widow, Jan 29, 2016.

  1. Widow

    Widow Member

    I can't say that I've always been the best role model for my kids. When I was younger, I smoked a considerable amount of marijuana on a daily basis. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I did it several times in the presence of my boys.

    My son is now 17. I have caught him smoking a few times in the house. He's come home several times and I could easily tell that he was stoned out of his mind.

    We live near Colorado which has legalized marijuana. This makes it tremendously easy for him to get his hands on.

    I know the benefits of marijuana but I also know from my own experiences that there are also cons to it. He's a Senior this year and is at risk of not graduating. All he wants to do is get high. I didn't graduate, because I thought ditching and getting high was a lot more fun. I do not want him to go down the same road that I did!!

    To be honest, I only quit 5 years ago. How do I get him to see the impact that it can have on his life at such a young age??
  2. Mypearl80

    Mypearl80 Member

    Kids that age can be difficult to get to since they think they know more than their parents do. But sit down and have a serious chat. He may think it's dumb, but try to really reach out. All you can do is let him know how you feel about his actions. Advise him of the hardships you have experienced while using; create a small bonding moment to get the point across. If you feel like tension rises then drop it for awhile and pick it back up later. If you do not feel comfortable with sitting down and talking to him, them write him a letter explaining your worries. Best of luck, Dear!
    Rainman likes this.
  3. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Telling him about your struggles with addiction and what your addiction to marijuana cost you could be a good starting point. If you can't get through to him then try to get to him through a friend of his who you are sure doesn't use marijuana. Young people are more likely to heed the advice of their peers.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    It is hard to get a teenager to listen especially when they know that you use to do it at their age but you quit. You need to set him down and talk to him and tell him how it made you feel and any regrets that you may have had because of the choices you made at his age. Communication is so important. He may not listen at the time but he will hear you and it will give him something to think about. I hope you can get to him. Graduating now a days is so important. It is hard to get a job if you don't even graduate high school.
  5. Widow

    Widow Member

    Thank you all for the ideas! I've sat down with him and discussed how other drugs that I've done have ruined my life. I suppose I put the ones that I thought did more harm to me than good before discussing the downfalls of marijuana. I will give it a try. He seems to think he has everything figured out and I know I have to let him make his own mistakes. Explaining to him the downfalls may not get him to stop, but he will realize that it's not all positive and know that he has someone who has been there.
  6. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    Talk to him about addiction and how it can affect his life. Don't be harsh on him, talk to him politely. Marijuana has been associated with breathing problems, he should know this. Tell him that their is nothing he can gain after being addicted to marijuana.
  7. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    It would be more effective if you @Widow could get someone he looks up to talk to him. Teenagers always think they know more than their parents; it's a very difficult age and it is hard to get them to reason with you. I hope this helps and you get your boy away from harm.
  8. SuniMac24

    SuniMac24 Member

    Although I was never into marijuana I did have an ex husband who was an alcoholic and used marijuana as well as pain pill addiction. My daughter lived through several yrs of his issues even though i did my best to protect her from it I should have divorced him much sooner. I was a terrible enabler and now that she is 17 and using marijuana I am a mess over it! We have had many discussions about addiction and drug use and what my concerns for her are if she goes down that road. I truly thought she would see what it did to him and our family and stay away form it. But she suffered from an eating disorder for few years and even though we have been through treatment for that she seems to be replacing it with weed, in my opinion. She knows I disapprove there is lying and mistrust going on and arguing between us once I catch her with it. Shes a new driver and Im fearful for her to drive stoned or drunk of course as well. Whenever I try to talk to her about any of this she begins being disrespectful belingerent and screaming so that it diverts form the conversation . I never feel like she hears anything Im saying to her and she thinks Im just an evil person who is too over protective and controlling and out to ruin her fun in life . I guess thats a teen thing but in any case Im at my wits end and have no clue how to get her to have a decent conversation or listen... Any ideas would be greatly appreciated before I pull all my hair from the stress of it all!
  9. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @SuniMac24... I highly recommend a book called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for parents and partners of people who are struggling with addiction issues. I think this book will really help you. It teaches how to communicate better with your loved one, how to talk to them to help convince them to want to change their behavior, and how to take good care of yourself while you're dealing with your loved one's issues. It's a tremendous book, one I wish I would've had when my son first started struggling as a teenager.

    I'm sending positive energy your way. I hope you can eventually get through to your daughter. I know it's an incredible challenge. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
  10. SuniMac24

    SuniMac24 Member

    @deanokat Thank you for your reply and support in sending the book info my way! i will order it and give it a read asap. Im hoping that I can learn a better approach to get her to listen to reason about the choices she seems to be making in her life before it becomes a serious addiction issue. Im praying she will see the risks involved in continuing this way! Thank again!
    deanokat likes this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    You're very welcome, @SuniMac24. It really is a fantastic book. By far the best one out there on the subject.