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Girlfriend and I both have addictions and trying to quit

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by aang, Apr 16, 2016.

  1. aang

    aang Member

    We've been together for nearly 2 years and in the relationship have had our own addictions that we both struggle with. I've been daily smoking weed for around 8 months now and she has been drinking majority of the relationship but has had brief times of sobriety. All she will drink is whiskey, her addiction isn't as bad as it was in the past when she would be drinking 30 shots a day and now it's down to around 10 a day. She doesn't make money any I'm the one enabling her to drink but if I say no when she asks it turns into a whole argument where I'm pissed off at her and she's upset to now she wants to drink more than before. We've tried her drinking in moderation but if I get a pint she'll get a small buzz but then always uses her tolerance and her weight as an excuse since she's gained a bit which turns into me going and getting it or arguing about it than break down and end up buying it for her. I have my addiction too smoking weed everyday but it doesn't make me feel sick constantly and force me to lay in bed all day and sleep like hers will. I enjoy smoking and would like to stop but I feel like I need to quit my addiction first even though it's not harming me like hers is just to be able to get her to quit hers addiction. I hope things can change soon and we'll both be able to quit.
  2. LoveEcho

    LoveEcho Community Champion

    I'm sorry you're both struggling with addiction. In the bright side, at least you have each other... That's what is important. Just Chanel your energy into being sober together and maybe get into some meetings.

    Best of luck to you both!
  3. bhu

    bhu Active Contributor

    Welcome to the forum, @aang. Thanks so much for sharing your story. Like @LoveEcho said, I'm sorry addiction has you both in its clutches. However, many couples try sobriety together and make it, so you two can do it, too. In order for that to happen, you need to both make the decision to choose recovery. 12 step meetings are free and easily found. Just look up AA and NA on the web and call the numbers. They'll help you locate meetings near you. And yes, you can both go to open meetings together of each other's groups. They want you to succeed and they know where you've been and what it takes to get clean. Just decide, call and go. Please keep in touch and let us know how you're doing.
  4. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    It will really be a good decision to quit smoking and motivate her to be sober. It will be like telling her that addiction can really be beaten and it is possible to live life without those substances. Specially it will be good for overall health and relationship.
  5. Fyrion

    Fyrion Active Contributor

    Alright. Does she drink for just recreation? Or have you talked about the reasons behind it? Is a really good thing that she now take far less shot of whisky, still very high but nevertheless a lot better. That also mean that any possible grievance that bothers her in the past has decreased. Tell us about it
  6. Novelangel

    Novelangel Active Contributor

    Yes, definitely you should work on your addiction first. That way, she can't use your own vices against you when you try to help her later. Plus, she can see how well you are doing and that can be a powerful incentive for her to also succeed... IF achieving sobriety is actually her goal. One thing you can't do with an addict is force them to clean up their act. They have to want it as much as you want it for them. If relationship stresses get to you, find another way of dealing with them besides smoking weed... not that I'm an expert or anything, but do your research, and find out if something less addictive can help you.
  7. Marsan

    Marsan Member

    Welcome to the community, @aang

    I know you're going to find a way through the addictions you two face. Coming here is a great step, and I hope you continue to reach out for not just help, but friendships and involvement too! No matter what decision you make, know that we're all here and there's no judgement or pressure from us. Take your time, look at the issues every which way you can, and don't be afraid to make the tough decisions. As an old friend told me once, "Nothing in this world worth having ever comes easy."
  8. FenWoFon

    FenWoFon Active Contributor

    At least you're lucky and you're trying as a team, I personally think that working as a team to quitdoing what you call an addiction is way more effective than doing it alone because you guys can somehow help each other in a fun way if you desire itto be like so, try as a team and you will see the difference.
  9. djolem

    djolem Senior Contributor

    This sounds like a complex situation and I believe that it is tough for both of you. Two years is not a short period and you know each other very well. I think that even though I agree with you that weed is not harming you as much as drinking is harming her you should make it square and fair for both of you and do it together. You cannot expect of course her to quit her while you enjoy your addiction, at least not in this situation and with your current mindset. I hope you find a way and good solution.
  10. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @aang Hello and thank you for sharing your story with us in this forum! In your 2 years relationship both of you are struggling with your own addictions and it is not an easy thing to quit from this substances. But what is important is that both of you are there to inspire and motivate each other to quit your own addictions. Just have that faith in your heart that both of you can quit and recover from your addictions. Keep on praying and it will give both of you peace of mind. Good luck to both of you!
  11. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Yes, very you start preaching to her about her addiction... the best thing would be to teach with your example. Do that first, or else you will be seen as an hypocrite whenever you start telling her she has to quit. I know it's hard, but you got to lead with your example. You could start suggesting AA meetings, go with her, she might actually like it there. I know a lot alcoholics who have recovered thanks to AA.
  12. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @aang... Welcome to the community. I know you and your partner are both struggling, but I want you to know that both of you can beat your addiction and live happy, healthy lives. If you choose to work on your addiction first, that is admirable and will set a great example for her. Of course, you could also both work on your issues at the same time. There's something to be said for doing something together and supporting each other while you're doing it.

    Whichever way you choose to go, I wish you nothing but the best. Remember that you can come here for support or help anytime you need to. That's why we're here.

    Sending you and your partner peace and positive, clean & sober vibes.
  13. TJB1463

    TJB1463 Member

    This sounds an awful like my situation. I'm the drinker, he's the smoker. His smoking is pretty harmless while my drinking is like you've described. For me, it's the lack of will power.....I can go two weeks here and there but once I have a drink it restarts the daily consumption all over again. A lot of times I drink because I feel like **** from the previous day... A few beers, takes the hangover a way and on goes the cycle. I don't believe your smoking influences her alcoholism. When my bf is smoking it doesn't make me want to drink. It is my own anxiety and restlessness and issues that triggers that for me. I believe at the root of every addiction is just a person who is self medicating away some type of problem or ailment. Mostly anxiety, depression, stress etc. I believe to beat addiction one must find a healthier way to cope with the underlying cause... Much easier said than done for sure!
  14. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @TJB1463... You're right. Anxiety, depression, and stress can definitely be the root causes of addiction. That's one reason why seeing a therapist can really help. They can help you uncover and confront those underlying issues that make you want to self-medicate. Once you do that, I think things get a whole lot easier.

    It's great that you can go two weeks without drinking. Maybe try to go a little longer each time and see how that works. If drinking after not drinking for a couple of weeks restarts a negative pattern, maybe not starting up again is the answer.

    We're here to help and support you however we can. Thanks for sharing with us.