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Going Back Again

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by anne16, Apr 8, 2015.

  1. anne16

    anne16 Active Contributor

    My morning doesn't start out as I planned it to be, as I unintentionally witnessed a heated argument between my aunt and her son. She wants her son to go back to the rehabilitation center he was once committed. My cousin said it wouldn't work because the treatment didn't work the first time so he doesn't want to try again. My aunt said he should try again to straighten out his life. More harsh words were exchanged until my cousin walked out and my aunt was left crying. And I am standing at the side, feeling useless.
  2. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    That's tough. I'm sorry that you had to witness that argument. You know, there's not always something that can be done, besides providing your opinion or trying to support one or both of the individuals after the argument. It's not easy to feel like you're just standing by, but sometimes you really can't do that much.
  3. anne16

    anne16 Active Contributor

    Thank you for understanding me. And you are right. I want my aunt to feel better but I don't know how and and I know I just can't as I don't have any sort of power or control over the situation. My cousin is the one who needs to do something, but of course that is out of the question.
  4. Peninha

    Peninha Community Champion

    I think that only people that really want to recover go to rehab, those who are fighting against it don't have that recovery wish inside and most likely will not succeed.
  5. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I don't think you should take it too hard. Addiction is a very complex thing and it's hardly expected to be the fault or responsibility of just any one person, and instead it is a cumulative effort and responsibility of everyone around. That said, I think the idea that just because it didn't work the first time it wouldn't ever work, I think, is a mistake.
  6. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    I know you feel like you could have helped but in reality, you really couldn't have. There was nothing you could have said or done that would have contributed favorably to the outcome of that heated argument. I know they're family but also, they have their own family. You could provide a shoulder to cry on or even a friendly advice but anything beyond that would simply be considered meddling. If they needed your help, they'd ask for it. Don't feel bad for being idle - sometimes doing nothing is better than doing something.
  7. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I am sorry about that. I have witnessed some heated arguments before and I know it's tough to be in that situation, specially if both parties are pretty close to you, you don't know who to console so you end up not consoling anyone of them.

    I think your aunt did a wrong approach to her son. Well, I know she just wanted the best for him, but we know that addicts can be easily triggered, we just have to be a little careful on what to say and what to do when we're dealing with them.
  8. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    If that particular treatment did not work for her son, then why not try another treatment? Surely there are a lot of other treatments that might work for him right? Your aunt should not be discouraged too soon. At least her son was willing to go to rehab. How about seeking another counselor or psychologist to talk to her son?
  9. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    That is a terrible situation to be in, and I would probably be left standing there not knowing what to do as well because I would not want to get into their business. Perhaps the best solution for your cousin would be to find a rehab center that he would feel comfortable going to and one that he feels really could help him out.
  10. Peninha

    Peninha Community Champion

    Some parents go all the way for their kids, the problem is that parents live a life of hell as well. He has to want to be clean, if he doesn't it's a waste of time.
  11. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    This is a terrible situation for you to be in and it is a fact that you have no control. However, you may have some influence with your cousin. You should think about it as you may find a way to say something that may bring him to his senses and realise what he stands to lose if he continues on this path. However, don't take on the responsibility of the situation and neither should you feel guilty or helpless if you find you are unable to do anything about it. There are always other people who may be able to help.
  12. Peninha

    Peninha Community Champion

    I wish that could be true, but I didn't have any sort of influence over my brother and I was living with him, so it will depend a lot on his will of leaving that life.
  13. rightct

    rightct Community Champion

    Good point, Peninha. People who don't feel like giving up their habit, won't even slightly succeed. Their chances are little to none. Now, I don't want to discourage people from going to rehab; they should, always, but it's just that they must be listening, and if they're going to attend rehab just physically, and not mentally... well, it's simply in vain.
    Let people see for themselves that they need help. If you force them, well, they will surely never listen to what you have to say.
    About the argument: Your aunt should've used another attitude toward her son, not go too harsh on him.
  14. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    If it didn't work the first time, then maybe he should go elsewhere and get a different type of treatment.
  15. oleskool

    oleskool Member

    It is very hard to get a person to make the commitment necessary for their recovery even if they go thru the program outwardly does not mean they are doing all that is necessary to recover from their addiction. My ex would say he only drank beer so he was not addicted. He did not want help.
  16. anne16

    anne16 Active Contributor

    I guess you are right, no I think you are right. It's just that I really feel bad about it. My cousin and I went to grade school together, we drifted apart when we grow older as we have different set of friends but we were close then. Our house is only 2 houses away from theirs. We even watched the same cartoons when we were kids.
  17. anne16

    anne16 Active Contributor

    I hope for my cousin to realize this soon. My aunt is always very supportive of him, he only needs to ask. And you are right, it is hard because they are family, I know what he is doing, I am sad for him but I can't do anything to help him.
  18. anne16

    anne16 Active Contributor

    Exactly! That is what my aunt is trying to tell my cousin. A relapse doesn't mean that the treatment doesn't really work or it is already hopeless. There are a lot more approach available out there.
  19. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 Senior Contributor

    I am sorry that you had to see this, it cannot have been easy for you, unfortunately there is most likely very little that you can do in this situation. You could try talking with either of them and simply letting them know that you are there for them but that is probably all you can do at this point.