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Good friend on heroin

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Nickl, Mar 5, 2016.

  1. Nickl

    Nickl Member

    So a friend of 10 years has been struggling with an opioid addiction for a few years now. About 8 months ago we got in contact with each other after not really talking for awhile. She claimed she's been clean and off of drugs. We started hanging out more and more. We made plans to get a house together. I was going to try to keep her on the right path. She acted like that's what she wanted. While we would hang out she'd often have me take her to her "friends" to pick up money. It was really heroin. About two months ago she disappeared to about a month. Then randomly she contacted me. We hung out and she started begging me for 40 dollars I didn't give her the money so she disappeared again for a few days. This is when I finally realized she was using again. I tired and tried to get her help she claimed she wanted it. Then I brought her to get help one day. After leaving we got into a argument and she jumped out of my truck. That night she got arrested. Shortly after that she called me from jail. She said she wanted to move with her dad out of state so she can get away from drugs. I ended up paying for her to get out. When she got in my truck she asked to use my phone to call her dad. After she called her dad she started calling other numbers. I asked to see my phone. I looked at my call log and she was calling this guy she was running around with that sells heroin. I knew something was up. I went to look over at her and she jumped out of my truck again and disappeared. I haven't talked to her since. She blocked me from everything. Her father finally talked to her and she basically said we are all bad people and this guy she's with is the only one that cares about her. She has now kicked her hole family out of her life completely. Also she's about to lose all visitations and contact with her kids. I can't figure out how to let go and walk away. I'm scared she's going to overdose and die before she realizes what everyone has tried to do for her.
  2. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    I'm sorry you are going through this! It is very painful to watch someone you care about suffer from addiction. As hard as it is to accept, you cannot help her. She must make the choice to stop herself. You are a great friend to care for her. Be there for her to talk if she makes contact, but that is really about all you can do until she decides she has had enough of the addiction.
    TheWife and Nickl like this.
  3. lost247

    lost247 Active Contributor

    When I started going to NA meetings I heard the saying "how do you know a junkie is lying? they're lips are moving"

    Your story has a lot of similarities to my own, only I didn't have anyone like you trying so hard to help me. Sadly, you cannot help them until they actually want help. Unfortunately, some of us never get that help. As hard as it is, you have to keep your distance. When she is ready for help, she knows you are there to support her once she's clean, but do not let her use you anymore, it really only does more harm than good.

    Sending you love and light, and strength to both you and your friend.
    Nickl likes this.
  4. Nickl

    Nickl Member

    It is so hard to let go. Her father talked to her finally today.. she said she doesn't want any of us in her life that we are all bad people that don't care about her... The only person that cares is the guy she's living with.( a known heroin dealer) it's hard but you are right everyone has said it now we all have to walk away. All I can do is pray she wakes up before its too late. Even if I'm never in her life again I hope the best for her... Thank you very much for the advice.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Nickl... Thanks for sharing with us and welcome to the community. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend and the pain her addiction has caused you and others who care about her. Unfortunately, that's the nature of the beast. You have tried to help your friend, but she doesn't seem to want to change. And if a person with addiction doesn't want to change, trying to help them can be maddening. Like my favorite author, Anne Lamott, once wrote: "Dealing with an addict is like trying to blow out a light bulb."

    Al-Anon teaches us that we didn't cause our loved one's addiction, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. It can take some time before we realize how true that statement is, but once we do it can be liberating. Detaching from your friend and her addiction doesn't mean that you no longer love or care about her. It simply means that you have to love and care about her without making yourself crazy. Being addicted to a loved one's addiction can wreak so much havoc in your life. Sometimes all we can do is step away and hope that they eventually see the light.

    I'm sending you peace and hugs, my friend. I will keep your friend in my thoughts and prayers.
    Nickl likes this.
  6. Nickl

    Nickl Member

    Thank you very much. It's hard to walk away but I know it's all I can do. I know I can never let her in my life again after all of this. I feel like everyday it's getting easier to let go. I will always love and care about her but cutting ties for good is the only option.
  7. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Don't feel bad about waking away, it's pretty obvious she is nowhere near to wanting to go into rehab and get rid of her addiction. She is not in that stage and might never be, but that is something you shouldn't trouble yourself with, because there is absolutely nothing YOU can do. She is not your responsibility, she is an adult and it's up to her to figure all this out and get her stuff together.

    Plus if you stayed and tried to ''help'' her, you would end up doing more harm than good... addicts are the most selfish beings on earth (I should know), all she cares about is getting high no matter how. You can't help... for her help would be giving her money for drugs, that is enabling her. Stay away and don't feel bad, this has nothing to do with what you can or can't do. It is how it is and the only person who can change it is her and only her.
    Nickl likes this.
  8. Nickl

    Nickl Member

  9. djdrug

    djdrug Community Champion

    I feel really sad about your friend. The fact is that most people react the same way. I have a friend and I have mentioned about him before on this forum. He's married, has a kid now, and everything. His one vice is that he's addicted to a variety of substances and he simply won't let go. I even let his wife know, but nothing has worked on him. I am on his "bad guys" list too now, so I simply gave up after trying to help him.
    Nickl likes this.
  10. Nickl

    Nickl Member

    It's crazy how were the bad guys. This girl is such a beautiful woman but she has no respect for herself or kids. To were she would rather get drugs then be with her kids and is prostituting herself for money and drugs
  11. queend17

    queend17 Active Contributor

    I'm sorry you have to go through with this in your life I'm not even sure of what to say at this exact moment... But none the less I hope you stick to your guns and try your best to help your friend out, so that way, you don't end up losing her... Either way don't give hope don't stop praying/hoping she doesn't die before you can give some proper help...
    Nickl likes this.
  12. TheWife

    TheWife Member

    My heart goes out to you. It is so upsetting and frustrating when someone you love has and addiction. I would agree with a couple of the comments already made, Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help your friend, the decision to stop and seek help has to be their own otherwise it will never work. They have to reach their own rock bottom (and this is different for everybody) My son tried because I begged and pleaded, he tried again for his grandmother and also for siblings but all to no avail. Suddenly out of the blue he rang to tell me that he had stopped with no urging from anyone he said he had reached his bottom rung on his ladder and wanted a life. So hold on to your hope and love for your friend. I hope one day she will be able to fight her demons and win. Take Care.
    deanokat and Nickl like this.
  13. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    That's really sad and I hope she gets help. It was good of you to try and help her and that you were there for her. That's all you can do. The rest is up to her.
  14. rajesh

    rajesh Senior Contributor

    It's very hard to see a friend addicted to something but you can help her out. You can definitely save her from taking an overdose if you guide nicely. You can give her a hope that she can successfully leave the drug with her will-power and God is always present there to help her. You can show her some success stories on the Internet from and it will definitely motivate her.
  15. bhu

    bhu Active Contributor

    @Nicki Hello and welcome to the forum! You're in the right place. There's not much you can do for your friend right now, beyond prayer. When you let go and let God, you can return to your own life and taking care of yourself, which is important. You might want to look up NarAnon, the 12 step group for families and friends of addicts. Maybe invite your friend's dad to make a meeting with you. They're absolutely free and there's no obligation whatsoever. All it is is people who've been in your shoes and know exactly what you're going through. They've continued to make meetings, gotten sponsors, done the step work. Now they share their experience, strength and hope with each other and anyone else seeking help. They can help you and your friend's father understand what to do about interacting with her, getting her the help she needs and getting on with your own lives, taking care of yourselves, because that's the biggest issue facing friends and families - our self care somehow winds up down the tubes, and we have to put ourselves back together again like Humpty Dumpty. Be sure to let us know how you're doing and click around through the forum here for more ideas.
  16. Fyrion

    Fyrion Active Contributor

    Greetings, welcome and sorry for all you and your friend have been through. I know this gonna sound painful but unless She want with her own very will take the path to quit heroin, It's better to:
    a) stay away from her until she realizes her issue

    b)talk to her with a prudent approach why She say the dealer is the only one that understand her and ignores her when she begs for money.

    Otherwise She will grow more hostile towards you and her family. The heroin is so awful.