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Growing Up With Alcoholic Father

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by dkelly, Nov 20, 2015.

  1. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    @dkelly, Well that's good to know, I'm pretty sure that you will be a hands-on parent to your kids and you will maintain a close and friendly bond with them so that they won't stray. I wish you all the best!
  2. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    I can't even imagine the effects of violence or simply chaotic childhood caused bu alcoholic parents, it has to be hell. Those who come out of that have to be very strong.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @dkelly... I grew up with an alcoholic father as well. His drinking pretty much ruined my childhood, and our family suffered greatly. My mom never left him, though I think she should have. In any case, I resented my father until just a few months before he died. He was 86 and I was 51. That's a long time to carry around hate. I'm really glad I was finally able to forgive him. I quite drinking 7 years ago to be a good example for my two sons. I'm glad you've learned from your father as well.

    Peace and hugs. You're a great dad.
  4. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    That is another question, if one of the parents is alcoholic why doesn't the other parent leaves him/her even more when kids are involved? That's something very hard for me to understand.
  5. dream01maker

    dream01maker Member

    I Also grew up with an alcoholic father. I remember him and my mom arguing almost every day. He would work all day, come straight in the door and pop open a beer. It would've been different if it were only a couple beers, but one turned into 3, 3 turned into 12 and so on. Some alcholoics are somewhat easy to deal with. Others, on the other hand, likey dad, become aggressive and look for arguments. It was hard to deal with and hurt me to see him go thru that not realizing he was tearing his family apart. Sadly, it led to my parents divorcing. Good news is, recently, he went off to rehab because he FINALLY realized he had a problem. He still drinks some, but knows his limit now.
  6. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    That's one of the consequences of alcohol, discussions, endless discussions many times about nothing or just because lives are being wasted to the addiction.
  7. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    That's pretty much all you can do, never repeat the cycle. No one can ever go back and change the past, but we all can stop it from controlling the present. If you had negative experiences as a child the most liberating feeling is not passing it on to your children. You will always have the feeling of killing a cycle by being the last to have to deal with it.
  8. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    That's something important though, breaking the cycle because if we suffered this it doesn't mean that we need to put others through the same, quite the opposite.
  9. FuZyOn

    FuZyOn Community Champion

    My father was an avid smoker and drinker too. My situation wasn't as extreme as yours, but it made me realize that this is not the way life should be lived. I'm striving to lead a healthy and balanced life and I hope my kids will benefit from it in terms of inspiration and life quality! :)
  10. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    I couldn't have said this any better. Not repeating the cycle is the best choice when you want to avoid future alcoholism. Setting a positive example for your children is all you can do and hope for the best.
  11. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    The main issue is that parenting is hard without addictions, now when we are addicted we are selfish and we end up neglecting or abusing the child, so that's the worse. :(
  12. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Shame she got herself involved with someone like this. She was smart enough to leave at least. Role models, yeah that's a good subject to focus on with kids. Wonder what drew your mom to him in the first place? Maybe she was young.
  13. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    Wow. I can't imagine what it's like to be you! So, how has his behaviour influenced your thinking on alcohol? Have you become a non-addicted regular drinker? Did he become a negative image that you would rather not associate yourself with? How about your mother, does she drink, sometimes?
    That's an incredible story. Your mother made the right decision to pack up and leave, and I praise her for that.
  14. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Nice to know that such experience did not make you an alcoholic as well and use it as your motivation to give your family a better life. Sad that some kids need to suffer from their parents addiction and be lost as well in such problem.
  15. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I grew up with an alcoholic mother, we sometimes have our difference but I can't imagine my life without her. She has been my pillar of strength, and recently I was reminded of that. Fortunately she is no longer an alcoholic, but back when I was growing up she was one, and many things were completely ok back then. So yes, I was an alcoholic too and started very early on.
  16. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    Interesting that you mention your case Tremmie because a person can be an alcoholic and at the same time be more or less able to take care of their kids, but certainly it's not the same thing.
  17. ellyjude

    ellyjude Active Contributor

    This is the most awful experience most people do not want to face. An alcoholic father is total stress to the family. It is better to have an alcoholic mother because most of them are not as violent. In rare cases have grown ups who are addicted to alcohol quit the act. They live their lives the same way till death.
  18. eveliner

    eveliner Senior Contributor

    No one should endure what you went through. My childhood was relatively similar to yours, but it got better faster than it did for you. Nevertheless, I hope that you can forget or forgive the past that's been given to you and move on.

    I know you can do it! :D
  19. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Yeah, she packed it up and left. Guess she wouldn't tolerate it. Its christmas, this lady says to me "enjoy your family". Lol if she only knew. Abusers make everyone think they are such a great person and never talk about what their addiction does to their family or how it scars their children. Makes for a dysfunctional family. The things people put up with and allow is beyond belief.
    Well at least your mother was smart enough. I can't say that my parents were smart enough to figure that one out. They both enabled each other. I can remember like it was yesterday my father screaming at the dinner table, "what do you think I'm an alcoholic?!" I was so young I didn't even know what that word meant, but I sure found out. He doesn't seem to have that issues any longer. He does still enable and allow my mother to continue. Rage-aholics a and substance abuse. Yeah I'll enjoy my family for christmas.
    Some people sit there and listen to the substance abuser oblivious to the fact. Side with them, stupidly, unknowingly, with ignorance. Yeah I'll enjoy a family where they enable each other to abuse their children. More than likely its the parent that sits there saying their kids are monsters and blame them.
    Yeah good for you that you want to create a good environment and be good role model.
  20. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    We have some alcoholics in my family, but my dad never drank, and for that I am grateful. I am not sure if there is an alcoholism "gene" or not...but since my grandfather rarely drank...I don't think any of the sons drank to excess. My one uncle was heavily into beer at one time..but not sure about the extent he seemed to function OK. I usually saw him during the holidays anyway when everyone more or less was drinking.