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Growing Up With Alcoholic Father

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by dkelly, Nov 20, 2015.

  1. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    It's proven that in some sort of twisted way both drugs addiction and alcoholism are hereditary, so if our parents consumed we are more likely to get addicted too. It's all up to us though.
  2. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    It is usually not easy growing in such a family. As long as you understand your alcoholic parent, you will learn to avoid their quarrels. We should never take sides i.e we should not show that we only love one parent. We must love our parents no matter how addicted they are.
  3. Jasmine2015

    Jasmine2015 Community Champion

    I'm glad your mom packed you up and left. Some people never leave their abusers. This is one of those times when it gets really tough being a child because it's not like you can tell a grown adult what to do. I wish for no one to have abusive parents. Sometime s your just not the same after going through so much.
  4. bleblanc10

    bleblanc10 Senior Contributor

    Luckily my dad stopped drinking when I was born, much to the liking of my mother and two older siblings and went to AA and really ended up being a role model for me of what drinking can do to your body even after you stop.
    oportosanto likes this.
  5. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    I think that proves a lot about what parenting is. We might be destroying ourselves, but when a kid is coming on the way higher forces should prevail and we should keep the kid safe from that.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    My dad was an alcoholic but he was a very responsible father. He provided us with everything that we need and so much more. I'm really sorry to hear that you had such an experience with your dad. But it's a good thing that you're striving to be a good parent. Keep it up. :)
  7. Andorphin

    Andorphin Member

    Oh I am so sorry that his happened to you. Hope your going to have a good future for your kids. I'm heard some stories like this before. It must be really tough to live like that. Fathers should be more responsible with their kids and teach them the good things not hurt them or abuse them when they're drunk because of their lack of self control. This can lead to a lot of problems, both for the family and for the sons/daughters. Their sons and daughters may have this psychological chaos imprinted in their minds and hearts which can have its negative effects.
  8. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    I say that this is unusual, as if someone is an alcoholic how can he provide material and affection? I am not saying it's not possible, but if we are wasted how can we be good parents?
  9. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    He had his own business and it did pretty well when my brothers and I were kids. Although he went out every night with his friends and drank himself into oblivion, the weekends were reserved for us. We would go out every weekend, watch a movie, eat out and have fun, or go out of town.

    An alcoholic can still function as a normal loving father. Perhaps it's unusual, but there are those that do not neglect their families even though they have an addiction. And my dad was one. But of course, I still wished that he wasn't an alcoholic. His health declined. He had prostate cancer, and liver disease. And we all know what alcohol does to the liver.

    Oh, and did ever tell you that he was also a gambler?
    oportosanto likes this.
  10. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    your experience with your father has thought you to do better with your kids. I think you need to keep family as your first priority and care for the children and the path they go but don't press them too much.
  11. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    OK, so adding gambling to the scenario makes it even worse, but I do agree with you, there are different levels and if he was not abusive and had the weekend for you I am guessing it could be far worse.
  12. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    I guess he was just one of those people that you would call functioning alcoholic. I remember he used to say to me that he was not really an alcoholic because he can stop anytime. But you know, I've never once seen him make an effort to stop drinking. And you know, when he was to be operated on, the doctor said that anesthesia won't work on him because of his alcoholism. I was very young then but I remember thinking that perhaps liquor acts like an anesthetic to the body, that it can make our body numb to pain. In a way it does to some extent, I think.
  13. bleblanc10

    bleblanc10 Senior Contributor

    My father was an alcoholic but he was able to quit before I was born.
  14. Okaviator

    Okaviator Senior Contributor

    I luckily have never had a father that was addicted. I do know of friends that have had abusive drinking fathers. Sadly, now most of my friends have turned to drugs to cope with the pain.
  15. lonelyfaith

    lonelyfaith Member

    My dad also drank a lot and my parents would always argue. It really sucked growing up in that environment. I always hoped my mom would leave or that they would just get a divorce but they never did. My dad wasn't physically abusive, but often mentally. He would say a lot of hurtful things to my mom and then the next day all was quiet like it never happened. The scars remained though in me as a kid, and I know it had to be worse for her. My dad was a great guy when sober. But he never could stop drinking. Well he died when I was 15 and I had to see him die. I always loved my dad and still do. I know he loved us too but had a problem with the alcohol. Then for a while in my teenage years up into my thirties I drank too. A good bit at times. I don't know how I could after seeing how it was. But I did. It's been 6 months since I had a drink and even longer since I've had more then one. I never let my child see me drink. I never wanted him to have to deal with what I did growing up. It still hurts to think about but living without my dad hurts even more.
  16. oportosanto

    oportosanto Community Champion

    Yeah, I have an uncle who is exactly like that. He is a functioning alcoholic, but the issue is that when he realizes that he is already addicted.
  17. Mara

    Mara Community Champion

    It's really hard when we see loved ones be addicted to something like alcohol, and they do not realize that they have a problem. With my dad, realization came too late. His health declined and he had liver disease. He didn't even reach 60. I think you should really talk to your uncle. He probably would not listen to you at first, but keep on trying. It's not too late for him.
  18. ccain

    ccain Member

    I too grew up with an alcoholic father, it tore our lives apart. He still lives in the bottle, and more than half the time does not know what is going on around him. This is after a terrible divorce from my mother, skin cancer, and a pace maker. I am currently planning my wedding and wish he was sober to be there for both myself and my fiance. I completely sympathize with your situation, and wish you had had an easier childhood. I am glad to hear of your dedication to give your children better memories and a far better opinion of you in the future.
  19. Hozyboy

    Hozyboy Active Contributor

    P
    I have had experience with an alcoholic father first hand. He used to be an alcoholic and a chain smoker. I used to wait for him to come home drunk and he would always be carrying some roasted meat for me to eat. Sometimes roasted chicken. My mother never ate this food he brought. I later found out that he used to bring the meat as a consolation to try and make up the fact that he spent his whole salary by drinking it away.

    Sometimes I saw my mother with swollen eye or face and she would tell me she slipped but I knew better. When the beating got worse we would go to my grandfather's house for a few days till my father comes pick us up. Occasionally we slept hungry and the house we were in closed for late rent payment.

    I swore never to be an alcoholic. I drink sometimes but am not addicted.
  20. bonzmistrz

    bonzmistrz Member

    To dkelly, I am sorry you grew the way you did. I can only remember stories of what it was like when I was growing up with messed up parents. Supposedly I grew up with druggy and alcoholic parents, although from what I have heard my mother wasn't as bad. Who really knows. I heard I crawled through broken beer glass bottles before because my dad didn't want to pick them up then. Thing is I am 28 now and my dad has done the most change around even though 6years ago he would have been no different. My mother is the one who seems to be a little off her rocker now. I would love to go into more another night. Tonight not a good night. I have had a lot of problems since the death of my oldest son in 2012. Sometimes it's harder to deal with it than other nights.