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Had an encounter with Covid-19 and I panicked and regret many thing's after

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by True concern, Apr 18, 2020.

  1. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    So i saw a homeless man having problems with a vending machine, his selection got stuck half way so I approached him and offered to shake the machine,about 45 secs later I got an alert on the phone which said"You are in direct contact with covid-19"I panicked big time..At this time my thoughts were "I must avoid my family and all other human contact"I called my family and told them,asked for a little money to be thrown out the door so I could eat while I stayed on the street's for awhile and the response I got was not good and I felt completely alone..I have a N-95 mask from when I painted car's,I put it on and asked to be let in to get some clothes,a back pack,etc..I was told no again so I did the first thing I'm not proud of that night..i kicked the door down(Lord forgive me)I thought my life was short and like I said major panick...I grabbed the car keys and drove straight to the E.R.They did some pointless test considering the time frame was about 1 and a half hours by then..The Dr came in and said there is a ave of 5 days to incubate before I would know if I had it..At this time my mind started playing tricks on me so I tried to call everyone I thought would care and have some advice..Not 1 person answered or returned a text even though I texted them and told them...NOT 1 PERSON CARED!!Now I am scared and hurt,I mean extremely hurt. My heart absolutely broke,feeling the loneliest i have ever felt or could explain my mind said "Your probably dead anyways"And I was so hurt I thought "After their complete silence I don't want any of them at my funeral"I gave up left with no hope and no where to go"I decided I would try to find someone one last time,considering I'm probably dead anyways,so I started the search which I said I would not do again (Lord forgive me)At the same time I was burning everything down in my life(Not literally)But might have well been..I pushed in a way I'm devastated over and have no doubt I destroyed it all(Lord forgive me)I have absolutely no one left who gives a sh*t about me so I self destructed and I hate me more than they do over it,though it was meant to to make them hate me after I burnt my life to the ground and re burnt it to be sure now I had a feeling of "Well now I understand their non concern"As I had just made sure there was no way they would or could now"I cried for much of the time and am still left with the feeling that I hope I incubate the Covid-19 so I can leave this planet and they can never think of me again,I've never felt so empty,I am nothing more than an unwanted burden apparently on everyone I thought cared about me and if that's the case than I don't want to be here anymore.I am not suicidal but if I incubate I will not be seeking any medical help rather I will just walk away and let it consume me as I kept trying to fix myself via specialist,shrinks,etc so I could make them happy,perhaps slowly try to reconnect with the people I love,but if their heart has shut me out I must be a bad person and I am not the type of person who can find happiness without the people they gave me a reason to fight for it.Yes I have said I will NEVER GIVE and I won't but that doesn't mean I will seek medical attention, if it's God's will I will survive without it.I am so sorry for the hurt I've caused those I love (who do not love me)and I pray they understand I was not trying to hurt them,I was trying to destroy me.I realize this sounds like a bunch of whinning and perhaps it is,it may appear to be self pity...That it is not.I don't pity myself I just say what I mean,if anything I'm extremely extremely hurt,I would die for anyone I love and depending on the next 2 day's I just may very well do that.Ya this is unfortunate,the emotions and worry have made me do and say thing's I truly regret in my heart and soul I don't want to die,in my heart and soul I would do anything for anyone I love and who would not even respond after telling them I potentially contracted Covid-19.Tried to be a good person,tried to help a homeless person and in the end it caused panick I have never felt and only God knows how this ends,perhaps after I go see a new DR for MAT who is also a shrink I can get some help I need as my other shrink only cares about money and this new DR reached out to me after reading about the struggles in my life and offered me real help.(2 day's until I know if I'm infected)God be with me.
    Stay Strong and God Bless you All
  2. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    I care. Im infected. Not so bad so far. Fever bronchitis, opioid detox way worse... How are you?
  3. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I'm getting mild symptoms which started late last night,still in incubation period
  4. Sebasty1987

    Sebasty1987 Member

    Tell us how you feel right now. It's been quite a long time so we'd all be interested to know how you sory ended! We're worried about you! I really hope you didn't infect anyone and fully recovered . Unfortunately, people don't always understand how dangerous this virus is. Some people think that they can easily recover and therefore do not wear masks. However, it seems to me that recently, due to the increase of cases, people still began to take security measures seriously. I can hardly even find masks in drugstores, so for those who are faced with the same problem, I advise to visit Pandemic Pal to buy face masks.
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2020
    True concern likes this.
  5. HeidyD

    HeidyD Member

    Hey, what were your first symptoms? I feel like I'm sick and I'm afraid not to be infected... I'm afraid to go to the doctor, I'm afraid of my life. I don't leave my house without mask and gloves. It is really nice that I can work from home. Maybe I'm a paranoid... Now I feel very nice and in some hours I think that I have fever. I'm happy that I have found the KN95 Mask. This mask is the best respirator mask that has a very good ventilation, you can breath with it like you don't have it on your face. I think that everyone has to have this mask. Take care and don't become paranoid as I'm.
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2020
    True concern likes this.
  6. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Im still here people,with all sincerity i feel love from you're concern.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Never forget the lives lost on this day 19 year's ago as terrorist struck the twin tower's.
    Never forget the lives lost on this day 8 year's ago in Benghazi Libya.
    Gob bless everyone who lost loved one's on these day's,God bless each and everyone of you.
    God Bless America
  8. Homie you bi-polar?Aww who gives a fuc* All i see are Puppets!(SWITCH-SWITCH)Damn truth be told do you care(SWITCH-SWITCH)Yes i do!(SWITCH-SWITCH)Damn bro im sorry,they playin you!(SWITCH-SWITCH)Damn that hurts..
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

  10. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Damn it's stupid right?Here i am having "Serious conversation with myself"And NO ONE'S listening...Damn it's a confusing concept of conceptions!HUH?Nah we ain't continuing this back and fourth bullshit!!Listen in my life JESUS CHRIST FIRST,COUNTRY SECOND,FAMILY THIRD,If that confuses anyone ask yourself?How do i take care of my family without the love of my country?It's a hard one right?Yah it is i spent 10 year's+ waying the difference and period my family don't survive unless my country does ..SO FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART I BEG YOU...... STOP BURNING IT DOWN,KICK THE PUPPETS,AND LET'S FIX THIS!AOC AND CREW HAVE PUT BLINDERS ON MANY OF US
  11. Ibelieveinyou

    Ibelieveinyou Active Contributor

    Wait aren't you these 2 dude's?(Nah get you're math right counting me im these 3 dude's)Listen everyone @True concern. Is real life,real **** and then the site got hijacked.By who?IDK!However i know I'm not as mental as the thread may suggest.I guess the only real question is "Do you believe in yourselves"If the Answer is yes then look around ,grab your balls or lavia and go cold turkey!HYDRATE AND EAT I CAN'T STRESS THAT ENOUGH.AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES.....YOU WILL OVERCOME.DEPENDING ON ALCOHOL,OPIATE,AND BENZO. INTAKE YOU MAY NEED 3 STEPS.DEPENDING ON DAILY DOSE YOU DO THE MATH.....NOW AFTERWARDS LET'S FIX THIS **** AND FUC* THE NAY SAYERS.
  12. SophieHarris

    SophieHarris Member

    Hello! My husband is addicted to alcohol, I keep trying to save him, get him out of these states when he has suicidal thoughts, but I feel that I myself am losing the meaning of life and I have few resources to recover from these stresses. He also panics because of covid, so he always has a reason to drink, but he drinks too much and then becomes inadequate. Please tell me if there are ways to cure him or I lost this fight? Honestly, I am very offended and angry with him, because we live in difficult times and I need a defender, but on the contrary, he takes away my strength. I am very worried about the coronavirus, so I read various blogs, for example, Pandemic Pal, learning ways to protect myself and my family. But I'd really like my husband to be cured and sober because the children need a dad and I wish him happiness. I am very sorry that he is losing not only himself but also his family. If you have any tips, please share them.
    Last edited: Oct 16, 2020
  13. azazello

    azazello Member

    We live in this period of life when almost all of us have a history of this disease. I've been through this, and I'm telling you that I'm not the same person I was before I got sick. I have been left with chronic fatigue that has already lasted for six months, and I have memory problems. It is complicated for me to concentrate and remember the events that happened not so long ago. Periodically I feel that I have muscle pain, so I have the impression or better to say that I have made a phobia of this disease. I am always afraid that I will be balding again. I try to avoid people and be as far away as possible, putting a lot of pressure on my psyche.
  14. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    I ‘m a member of the Alcoholics Anonymous Fellowship for over 5 decades. I’m also a member of Al-Anon for over 4 decades. I very well understand your situation and it was virtually impossible for me to help an alcoholic. This is what I learned from Al-Anon meetings. I also leaned via Al-Anon to ONLY take care of myself and not focus my life on the addicted. When I changed my behavior toward the addicted i.e., stopped trying to fix them, enable them, they noticed my behavioral change and some began taking care of themselves. Enabling tends to keep the addicted sick, where they can’t reach their bottom and become abstinent.
  15. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Stubborn doesn't quite say enough, compassion seems to always vanish,these room's, here,there,really doesn't matter where we have morphed into liars and fakes as Compassion takes emotional engagement at the very least the world we live in currently doesn't have time for anything other than data collection...We have accepted these machine's as a suitable replacement for human interaction and thus mental health becomes a matter of opinion varying with each individual's "IDEA" of normal.How do we recover in a post Covid society where we now won't let you near us unless you have a mask$$$$Does this not seem like a it's meant to further the divide in society or at least make you think about all the times a face mask in a shopping store was a red flag.Addiction thrives on scenarios such as these and though I know more about this place than most I will remain stubborn and continue this journey through the chemical wasteland's until I come out the other side no longer tempted by the eutopian myth that is every substance ever taken,it's taking longer than I would've preferred but I am finally getting to a place mentally where I dispise the chemical lies
  16. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I hope everyone is doing Great,and I hope you all found the inner strength to overcome the fear of sobriety take care and God Bless
  17. CameronAlsop

    CameronAlsop Active Contributor

    We live in this period of life when almost all of us have a history of this disease. I've been through this, and I'm telling you that I'm not the same person I was before I got sick. I have been left with chronic fatigue that has already lasted for six months, and I have memory problems. It is complicated for me to concentrate and remember the events that happened not so long ago. Periodically I feel that I have muscle pain, so I have the impression or better to say that I have made a phobia of this disease. I am always afraid that I will be balding again. I try to avoid people and be as far away as possible, putting a lot of pressure on my psyche. I found some solace when I first went to .
  18. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Recently I was evicted,apparently after living here 7 year's somehow I ended up here illegally..Its bullshit of course however with wealth in the age of webcam everything if your poor let's be honest...your f*cked.My mom passed in Nov,the rest of us are now homeless and yet I feel bad for the people who evicted us,I mean absolutely eat alive with fear and crippled with doubt...I can't imagine there's much joy in life if you suddenly begin to fear someone whom has NEVER HARMED ANYONE but perhaps the vaccine will help them,anyways I won't let hate consume me ever again so I forgive them.Stay Strong And God Bless
  19. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Thank you all,from the bottom of my heart!!
  20. True concern

    True concern Moderator