So I was told by many in NA that around about a month clean I would experience what alot of the old timers in there refer to as the orange cloud, or pink cloud, something like that anyway. Well I had just about given up on my fresh "cloud of sober joy" because I'm going on ninety days clean. At least that's my next key tag,or chip, next big date of clean time anyway, and up until a few days ago I was feeling nada. The only thing I can say with certainty is gloom because I know every month I have to taper off the benzodiazepines more and more until no more, that truly gets me anxious if I let it. Not only that once I'm off benzos completely and stabilized then I have to start on the Subutex and to be honest I want rid of it, it's nothing but a chain and ball at this point(not to mention the cost $468 a month). The subs though I still crave that feeling you get when you the warmth flows through your body. I knew I was taking more than I needed of buprenorphine(Subutex) so I lowered it last month w/o telling my doctor,to a level that kept w/d's at bay but that didn't buzz me. It was when I stabilized on that dose that I did start to experience joy for no reason at all! Knowing now that these drug's ability to keep me from experiencing discomfort are also inhibiting my ability to be joyful gives me even more determination to detox. I wanted to share this with anyone who is tapering under a doctor's care like me or on your own at home, that it does get better. I new it would but now I know the real joy I used to have before all of this drug/alcohol/sex/porn/ you name it that I had as a child I believe that it's possible to have again.