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Happy for no reason at all!

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Josh111187, Jun 4, 2018.

  1. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    So I was told by many in NA that around about a month clean I would experience what alot of the old timers in there refer to as the orange cloud, or pink cloud, something like that anyway. Well I had just about given up on my fresh "cloud of sober joy" because I'm going on ninety days clean. At least that's my next key tag,or chip, next big date of clean time anyway, and up until a few days ago I was feeling nada.
    The only thing I can say with certainty is gloom because I know every month I have to taper off the benzodiazepines more and more until no more, that truly gets me anxious if I let it. Not only that once I'm off benzos completely and stabilized then I have to start on the Subutex and to be honest I want rid of it, it's nothing but a chain and ball at this point(not to mention the cost $468 a month).
    The subs though I still crave that feeling you get when you the warmth flows through your body. I knew I was taking more than I needed of buprenorphine(Subutex) so I lowered it last month w/o telling my doctor,to a level that kept w/d's at bay but that didn't buzz me. It was when I stabilized on that dose that I did start to experience joy for no reason at all!
    Knowing now that these drug's ability to keep me from experiencing discomfort are also inhibiting my ability to be joyful gives me even more determination to detox.
    I wanted to share this with anyone who is tapering under a doctor's care like me or on your own at home, that it does get better. I new it would but now I know the real joy I used to have before all of this drug/alcohol/sex/porn/ you name it that I had as a child I believe that it's possible to have again.
    deanokat, lonewolves and True concern like this.
  2. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    So AWESOME Bro,i will tell you this is the truth ok we basically lived the same way,all or nothing and when i read this i can't help but pick up certain warning phrases like "you miss the warmth in your body"the good news is you said it so now you can defeat it.Replace that with warmth in your heart and before you know it that sh×t you think you miss will be gone.I'm in no way trying to preach at you or anything i just remember the exact same thing as when i first got sober i missed in all honesty the orgasms more than anything and subconsciously i knew that the first step to getting it was a outfit full to the max.Truly sickening to me now,honestly porn and dope......Sh×t i may have to run another 4 miles today because I feel disgusted in myself over that but it's the truth.Today I think i realized im also co-dependent on other addicts,meaning I'm addicted to advising other's,i look at this site atleast 50 time's a day but i want to help and honestly it helps me...kinda weird i guess but again it's the truth.Ok let me get back on track here,so after 90 day's your mind will start to experience bits of happiness and joy it will take your body a good 6 month's or longer to expell all of the toxins we have put in our bodies(another reason i run)the more you sweat the faster they come out.When i run afterwards i smell like a bottle of ammonia and i am just barely starting to get whatever that is out but my point is it takes time to heal just like it took time to grow the addiction.Stay Strong and God Bless
    deanokat likes this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion


    I'm proud of you man keep up the conversation it's helping not just you but people like me and other's as well
    deanokat likes this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I'm so happy to hear that you're finding joy again, @Josh111187. What a wonderful thing! Keep inspiring, my brother!
    True concern likes this.
  5. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    Yay!! I’m so happy you’re happy. I’ve said many times that I never felt true joy until I got sober or at least not since I was a child. It’s an amazing feeling better than any superficial high, pure unadulterd joy. A sober life is a beautiful life.
    Ya
  6. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    On a side note, I hope your not in the pink cloud. The pink cloud more refers to addicts when they first get sober thinking everything is going to be perfect and easy now that they’ve “decided” to get sober. The pink cloud isn’t real, and it’s kind of sneaky. The best reference I have to it was a man came into treatment while I was in treatment and he was like “well I’ve decided to quit drinking, now that I’ve decided it, I can stop piece of cake and life will be great” so he came to a few more sessions, talking about how great everything was, and how easy Sobriety was for him, it was like he couldn’t recognize what got him there in the first place, all the pain and agony. Anyway dude went back to drinking after a few weeks. Haven’t seen him since. Not at a meeting, not ever. And he was so sure of himself, that he had this licked. That’s why they tell you to be weary of the pink cloud, its almost like this sense of euphoria we get in early sobriety because all the chaos and destruction were used to has gone. Unfortunately life catches up, we have to deal with the wreckage of our past and all the damage we caused. No way around that really. Maybe your not in the pink cloud, I can honestly say I was never in it. When I did was getting sober I was pissed lol. I was honest that I wanted to do it but at the same time I was angry. I was 23 years old, I thought it was shitty I had to get sober at such a young age. I think that’s what helped me. I had come to terms with the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to continue to drink if I wanted to have a good life but I still wasn’t stoked about it. Anyway here I am 4 1/2 years later and I feel immense joy, I am happier than I ever thought I could be. Based on your post I don’t think you’re in the pink cloud but rather your enjoying the serenity that comes with Sobriety.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  7. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Man, that first month was he'll hospital trip twice for rehydration, then again for a spider bite, had a seizure while waiting on my prescription, but could have gotten street pills even dope faster. I didn't though, one week ill be three months.
    I really think I'm passed the pink cloud thing, I think it went right over my head, no pun intended.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    Congratulations on almost 3 months! That’s such an amazing accomplishment! Incredible really! I’m very happy for you, and it sounds like your doing all the necessary things to stay sober! Way to kick addictions ass!
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  9. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    thanks for sharing @Josh111187 . no pink cloud for you.... yay! you're genuinely feeling change for the better...and that's amazing.
    deanokat likes this.