Have you tried any support groups that are geared towards family members and friends of addicts? I know one woman who went. She was angry when they told her she was an enabler, but she did end up learning a lot and was glad for it later. I've never been to one. I did go to regular AA meetings with a friend before, because he couldn't make himself go on his own. Once he got started, he could handle it better, but I attended the first few with him for moral support.