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Have you relapsed but you haven't told anyone?

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Sarasmiles, Jan 7, 2016.

  1. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Well some people are better off not saying anything if they can get it back under control themselves. I mean it depends upon the kind of people they have around them. Some see this as an opportunity to see how strong or weak that person is. Which is inconsiderate but to me it is the person's choice to decide whether or not to say something. It might not even help, it may perpetuate it like everything else. Focus on the goal and desired result not the mistake.
  2. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    The main cause of relapse is weakness, and because they gave in to temptation. It's natural for recovering addicts to hide if they relapse, because it means that they failed in their attempt at sobriety. However, they should not be defined by their failures and instead use it to strive to be sober.
  3. hg088

    hg088 Member

    Well I've never told anyone about my addiction. I've kind of managed to keep it in check so nobody finds out.
    A few people suspect but I've become good at hiding my footprints.
    Gloria likes this.
  4. Okaviator

    Okaviator Senior Contributor

    I have an addiction to smoking. So whenever I try to quit and go for an alternate like e-cigs. I always end up slipping up when I drink coffe, and the natural thing is to smoke a cigarette with it.
  5. jared36

    jared36 Member

    Hi everyone. This is my first time here. I relapsed tonight after 4 months. I currently live in a halfway house. I'm in a situation where I can't tell anyone. I would have no place to go and could be cut off from seeing my child. I've been in a cycle for several years in which I binge for several days (much worse than what's going on now) then I stay clean for 3-6 months. I needed to get this out one way or another. I don't want to continue this cycle but I am so miserable even in recovery. I have a sponsor and I've been working steps. I do tend to get lazy though. It's as though I have no self-discipline or consistency.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @jared36... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. Thanks for being honest, too.

    Try not to let your relapse get you down. The most important thing is how you react to the relapse. You obviously know you slipped up, so do everything in your power to get up, brush yourself off, and get back on the right path. Instead of allowing yourself to slip further, ramp up your commitment and focus and start putting another clean and sober streak together.

    I'm glad you came here and got this off your chest. Keeping it bottled up inside probably would've eaten away at you. You can come here anytime and share. You are safe here and we will never judge you.

    A couple of suggestions: 1.) Maybe think about seeing a therapist. A good therapist can really help you get in touch with your innermost feelings and help you feel better about yourself. Therapy made a huge difference in my life. You might want to give it a try if you haven't already. And 2.) I'm not sure how much you like and accept AA, but you may want to consider trying SMART Recovery. It's a 12-step alternative program and I know a lot of people who have had great success with it. You can check out their website here:

    We're here for you, my friend. I hope you start over today and keep doing the next right thing. Again, don't let the slip-up eat away at you. You're making excellent progress, and that's a wonderful thing. Progress, not perfection.
  7. Banana18

    Banana18 Member

    I'm an alcoholic and have not had a drink since May 9, 2011. I did start taking NyQuil during the day in January 2014 for about a month and smoked pot a few times in 2015. I never told anyone because I figured I didn't drink so there was no need. I felt fine about it until recently and now have anxiety about it but also about telling anyone.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Banana18... You may not have drank, but the NyQuil does have alcohol in it, right? Even so, don't worry about your slip. As I told someone else earlier, the important thing is how you react to slipping up. We're all human, my friend. We make mistakes. But learning from those mistakes is what we have to do. Try not to be anxious about what happened. It's in the past. And it's really nobody else's business. As long as you keep moving forward, that's what counts. Progress, not perfection.

    Keep doing the next right thing!
    Banana18 likes this.
  9. Youngobie2011

    Youngobie2011 Member

    I have to find a place to get this out. I am in a relationship with another sober guy who I love to death. About a year ago I started using Kratom to manage fibromyalgia pain. I have continued using it without telling anyone. It’s making me depressed not talking about this. I don’t want to let anyone down and don’t want to lose everything Recovery has given me, so finding this forum has been a god send. I really need to stop living with guilt and shame if I ever expect to be truly happy. I’m just feeling very lost and confused right now. I want to be sober and happy and healthy I just can’t seem to grip this one.
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Youngobie2011... Welcome and thanks for sharing. I'm glad you found us and were able to get what you're feeling off your chest. If you're not going to stop using kratom, you might want to consider being totally honest with your partner. From my experience, being 100% honest is usually better than hiding something. I think it's the hiding stuff and being secretive that causes the guilt and shame. Yes, being honest about your kratom use might cause issues in your relationship. But having your partner find out on their own will, I think, be more damaging. Just my two cents.

    You are welcome here anytime.
  11. I work as a Client Advocate for a treatment facility and I work with addicts and their families all day, every day and sometimes into the night. I myself am a recovering addict. The point of emphasis I try to express is that a relapse does not wipe away the term of their sobriety. People tend to look at their sobriety as something that is black and white, you either pass or fail. If you're sober for 20 years and relapse you're a failure and now you have to start over in shame. In reality sobriety and relapse is very much more like falling and getting back up. Falling down doesn't mean that you never learned how to walk does it? It very much is that simple. People make mistakes, life happens. Get back up and try again. The MOST important thing is that you DON'T GIVE UP. You do not have to be ashamed. If your friends and family make you feel ashamed then they do not have any understanding of addiction and the accomplishment it was to get sober in the first place, the courage it takes to admit you made a mistake, and the perseverance it takes to get back up and continue to fight. We need to be proud, understanding, and encouraging of those in our lives that are struggling with addiction, that includes ourselves!
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  12. Its_kev

    Its_kev Member

    I've been a recovering addict, I cant tell you how many times I've relapsed because I lost track I know seems horrible , but I'm always determined to walk the straight path after and not let it control me.Although I've felt so guilty for keeping it secret from everyone especially my gf.The fact no one has a clue is what kills me inside so its possible to keep it to yourself.I started in may again and been on and off on weeknds I cant do this anymore stopped a few days ago.Feels liberating but I have this dissappiontment in my conscience for having continued for quite a while after being clean , recovered, and physically fit.Time to hit the weights again!
    True concern, deanokat and Dominica like this.
  13. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Congratulations on being a few days clean! We’re here for you if you need us!
  14. Its_kev

    Its_kev Member

    Thanks I appreciate it!
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  15. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Its_kev hey there! welcome to the forum! glad you are continuing trying... that's my best advice; just keep trying..and if something isn't working, try something different.

    also, sometimes seeing an addiction specialist can help!

    we are here for you!
    lonewolves and deanokat like this.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Its_kev... Fall down 7 times, get up 8. You got this, my friend. And we're here to help and support you however we can.
    Its_kev, Dominica and lonewolves like this.
  17. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I have lived the same life and lies you have mentioned,i too dealt with my recovery through a profound anger for myself at the gym.Im 6'1" tall 235lbs so i let all that "Conscious"anger at myself to push harder than i should have,infact my profile picture is from a day i ran 4.4 miles while it was 98 degree's outside.I would run until i was just about to pass out,then i would take 10 deep breathes and run 1 more mile.Well that was my life,my escape,my way of coping.2 am 4 miles 11 pm 4 miles and it was keeping me sober and then my right knee put me in the E.R.where i was told to stop running,so i explained why i ran so much and why i needed it so i ignored the 6 weeks bedrest order and kept running until i ended up where im at today.Now taking 5mg norco twice a day to be able to walk which is the biggest backfire i never saw coming.Now im actually doing this 6 weeks bedrest as i pushed my knee into bone fragmaents spread throughout my knee joint.So Full knee replacement is what i now wait on and i still have 4.2 more weeks of bedrest before i get another MRI and plan a surgery date.I just want to have surgery,heal,rehab and run to hawaii from california across the ocean like aquaman or sonething,lol humor it helps a little bit for myself at least.After surgery and rehab the pills are gone one last time.Its far from the 320 mgs of oxycontin i was doing a day but its still a morality crusher at times because i truly just want to run.I wish you luck my friend,and hope the gym helps you successfully and its a great way to release self rage and anger.Stay Strong and God Bless
    Its_kev, deanokat and Dominica like this.
  18. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    We all got your back and happy to be a part of your journey to stabilized recovery.You got this and if you fall down we will all be there with our arms extended to help you back to your feet
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  19. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    How are you doing today, @Its_kev? Thinking of you and sending you positive, clean and sober juju.
  20. Its_kev

    Its_kev Member

    Thanks bro feels good knowing that theres people out there that have gone through the same struggles I have and that its not the end for me I'm definitely going to hit the gym and sweat out that posion!