@Trying_To_Cope... Welcome to the community, my friend. I'm sorry for the struggles you've been going through, but I'm glad you found us and posted here.
I always tell people who are in your situation to remember what Nar-Anon and Al-Anon--which are support groups for loved ones of those battling addiction--teach us about that addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It can be hard to come to grips with those words, but they are absolutely true. The addict is the only person who can defeat their addiction. It doesn't matter how much YOU want it; they have to want it even more.
@Dominica and
@True concern have provided you with some words of wisdom, for sure. I echo what they have told you. I think counseling would be a great thing for you, too. When my son was struggling with addiction, I finally tried therapy even though I had been skeptical and hesitant to do so for years. My therapist ended up saving my life. I never knew that talking to someone about my problems and feelings could make such a huge difference. I highly recommend it. Believe me: Seeking out therapy is anything but a sign of weakness. Our mental health is just as important as our physical health. Maybe even more so. So doing everything we can to keep ourselves mentally fit is a wonderful thing.
Think about trying out a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting, too. Being amongst others who know exactly what you're going through and feeling can be incredibly helpful and comforting.
Remember that YOU are the only person you have complete control over. And you deserve to live a happy, healthy life. So do everything you can to make that possible. Self-care is absolutely essential. Treat yourself well. Do things that make you feel better and are fun. Live every day knowing that YOUR life is the most important one, and that you should ALWAYS be at the top of your priority list.
We are here for you. If you need help, support, advice, or just need to get some sh*t off your chest, you can come here anytime. We will always listen, without judgment.
I'm sending you tons of positive juju, love, light, and hope. I'm so glad you found us. And I'm happy to have you here as part of this community.
Hugs.
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