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Help: Long time coming.

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by AGUYGUY, Mar 24, 2020.

  1. AGUYGUY

    AGUYGUY Member

    Hi,

    I feel I am an alcoholic. I am going to disclose 100 percent as I have a lot on the line. Mom and dad both alcoholics. I did not drink even to a moderate state until 21. Increased to 3 beers a day, almost everyday by 25. Become a six pack a day drinker by 30. When I was 28 I started working full time as an entertainer in the music industry. Im 34 and over the last 3 years, I would drink at least a pint of whisky before every show and absorb the shots that came bought by patrons, then have a few beers before going to sleep. Off days? 3-5 shots of whisky-5-6 beers everyday. Tonight was the first time in a real long time I did not exceed 3 beers because I am itching like crazy. Here is my problem, over the last 3 weeks I have developed a very irritating rash. Itching all over, legs, mainly arms, a little on the stomach, bit on the back, but bottom line, can't be good given I have no known reactions. Just laid down to bed and had a yellow thumbnail. I know that is an indication of leaking bile, I watched my dad blow up like a yellow marshmallow. I feel like this is the beginning of a bad situation if I don't cease drinking immediately. Hoping an expert can chime in and tell me exactly what I am looking at there. My dad died from this when I was 17. I have a 2 year old that I was to see me out of this live at a very old age. I wanna be here, but more importantly, whats going on with me right now? Could my liver already be in a quitting state, in other words am I screwed? If I can manage to completely stay away from alcohol, will I see some improvement or is it likely too late?

    So why can't I just quit? I am in the middle of a major depression and with the added everything of life. cracking a cold beer or swigging on some whisky is the only thing that makes me feel real good, comfortable, in other words kills that anxiety and in many cases stimulates a little but of creativity. I don't ever get smashed drunk or blackout drunk, I just drink EVERY SINGLE DAY. Alcohol is my friend and my escape and while I have seen the consequences to others, I feel like I will luckily slide by and live a life full of drinking to my desire. Need some honest feedback. Again, I drink 7 days a week, every day of the year, sometimes only 3 beers like tonight, at worst, half to 3/4 off a bottle of whisky. I need help and advice.
    Davers likes this.
  2. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    Welcome!

    Your story sounds similar to mine, along with many others I've been hearing at 12 Step meetings for 50+ years. Some of the alcoholics at 12 step meetings finally recovered via 12 Step self-examination. However, many like me had to reach their bottom before they recovered. My bottom is when alcohol didn't work for me any more, because it didn't relieve my depression as it had for years. At the same time, a near deadly event happened to me. My bottom can only be defined, as that which immediately precedes surrender. In other words, a near deadly event based on my drinking behavior, rewired my brain.
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2020
    Davers likes this.
  3. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    It took me a long time to understand why i couldnt stop. I took drugs to help my depression. But i was depressed because i took drugs. It wasnt helping me with anything but only masking and compounding the depression.

    You get locked into a never ending cycle of helping the very depression that you are causing. There is only one way to fix it.

    Start tapering your alcohol content and let the depression go away slowly. It takes discipline but its worth it. Your worth it, you just have to believe it.
    Davers and True concern like this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Very well said.I couldn't add anything more as this message says it all.
    Davers likes this.
  5. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    Online, I can’t and no one can, including scientists, accurately know at what stage alcoholics asking for advice are at, as they might not know themselves. The spectrum (variables) of second to third stage alcoholics are at the most risk for death, and self weaning, especially third stage has the highest potential for death. This is my experiential observation and why I don’t give advice, especially re: alcohol withdrawal, whether it’s at F2F support meetings or online.

    Detoxing from alcohol, via weaning, can easily prove fatal, without proper medical supervision. One can, technically, detox from alcohol at home, but that doesn’t mean they should. Home detox is most likely going to make the whole withdrawal process much more uncomfortable and agonizing than it needs to be, dramatically increasing the risk of relapsing before completing the detox. Besides, the main reason for alcohol self-medication is depression which will remain, even after successful detox (abstinence). RE: Depression, some, have been incorrectly diagnosed and during abstinence discovered they are bipolar.

    Despite public opinion, alcohol can be just as dangerous as other drugs with more frightening consequences. In the case of withdrawal specifically, alcohol withdrawal is actually more dangerous than opioid withdrawal as well as some other drugs. E.G., detoxing from heroin is very rarely a life-threatening process. Detoxing from alcohol, via weaning, can easily prove fatal, without proper medical supervision.

    True Blood actor Nelsan Ellis made headlines in 2017 for dying from alcohol withdrawal that he attempted to manage on his own. During the withdrawal process, he developed a blood infection, kidney failure, a swollen liver, extremely low blood pressure, and ultimately, heart failure. Heavy drinking damages heart health as well as liver function. When the balance of these systems is suddenly turned upside down by removing alcohol, the systems can shut down.
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2020
  6. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Bullwinkle Great response..
  7. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Yes it can be fatal if you stop cold turkey. My dad passed away at 53 from liver failure. Im self reliant so i myself would rather die before i checked myself in a rehab, but thats just me.

    If people can afford it then no doubt go get help. But at home there is only one way to quit. Slowwwwly taper your usage.
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  8. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I understand how you feel as I detoxed 27 days cold turkey..However brother I pray one day you feel what I had to learn to feel and that is...."No one said you COULDN'T do it alone but on the flip side people love and care about you and those people would be honored to be in you're corner"I pray your doing well my brother and I'm not talking about your post here or the way mine started..Just as one human to another I pray your ok.Take care my brother.
    Stay Strong and God Bless you
    Davers likes this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss at such a young age..both him and yourself.
    Davers likes this.
  10. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Thank you brother. Im doing great not much has really changed for me here. As you know im in construction and im self employed and our work is considered to be essential.

    Im fortunate to still be working and making money because i cant afford to take off. But man how are you fairing brother.
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  11. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I am blessed brother, personally I am doing well..As for supplies...I am making it though it's really tough in the zone where I live.I believe per the news I'm about 25 mins from the second biggest hotspot in the country next to NYC so I worry for my elderly parents and disabled brother but I do all the gathering solo so they aren't exposed to the mobs of people in the store's...Its difficult as people try to take things from your shopping cart and yes I would fight for it but not quite yet as me in jail leaves my family with no one to get necessities so at time's I have had to weigh the consequences of several potential outcomes depending on how I respond to what just happened..We are surviving and I am trying my best not to make an irresponsible decision, but in my heart I believe the human qualities in every human will win the fight and so I stay patient and optimistic. I pray you're construction is coming along well,you already know but slow and steady for minimal discomfort. You got this brother, I believe in you.
    Stay Strong and God Bless you and your family
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  12. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Im glad you guys are making it. Ive been through a couple of Germx bottles so far. I can definitely relate to your situation my wife has asthma and copd and smokes ciggerettes! Smh, it would probably be a death sentence for her so i try to be extremely careful.

    I have family in Pasadena and in Huntington beach and they say its downright crazy there i feel for you guys and pray it all blows by you guys
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2020
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  13. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    >>>Onceaddicted 77 writes>>>If people can afford it then no doubt go get help. But at home there is only one way to quit. Slowwwwly taper your usage.<<<

    I’m assuming this absolute statement applies to you, “But at home there is only one way to quit. Slowwwwly taper your usage” This is patently not true for myself and others I’ve known that stopped without tapering usage.

    Onceaddicted 77 writes>>>Yes it can be fatal if you stop cold turkey. My dad passed away at 53 from liver failure. Im self reliant so i myself would rather die before i checked myself in a rehab, but that’s just me.<<<

    I didn’t mention rehabs in my post, but having considerable experience with rehabs, I don’t trust most for their revolving door, high recidivism money making machines. This is why my avocation is carrying ONLY “MY” message (experience) of recovery. I can’t have anyone’s experience but my own. I express to others by first person singular sharing how I use my recovery tools (not rehab), so if they relate, they can get their own tools.

    Detox is 3 to 10 days, most rehabs average about a month. Many rehabs can cost anywhere from $500 to $1000 dollars a day. Detox, a medically supervised environment, in most cases, the cost is considerably less and some detox can be free or on a sliding scale. I known some that go from detox to 12 step support groups. Most rehabs use the 12 Step model , and many I’ve known went from rehab to 12 step support groups, and had to take the 12 steps again in the real world. Detoxing with the help of a quality facility and then using outpatient services and support meetings, helps maintain abstinence and eventually sobriety.

    Another factor in choosing a shorter detox program is family life, it may be difficult to stay away from ones children for a month or longer. It is easier to explain ones absence for a few days rather than a month or more. If employed, it may be impossible or difficult to enter a lengthy rehab program.

    My father died at 84 and his death wasn’t just from alcoholism, he had complications from diabetes, and hardening of the arteries (tobacco smoking). His health example is another of many reasons why those that are not medically astute would be remiss with detox advice for those with other complications that could be exacerbate aside from alcoholism. Thus, as I’ve shared many times, I avoid telling others what to do (advice) solicited or not, especially via broad brush statements, which I’ve experienced many times on forums like this, as well as many F2F support groups.
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2020
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  14. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I pray your doing well @Bullwinkle .
    Stay Strong and God Bless you
  15. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Thank you @Bullwinkle :)
  16. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    i think most Drs would probably just load you up on some sort of benzo to replace the low gaba from cessation of the alcohol. Thats what they tried to do for my dad and this was the absolute worse thing they could have done and even in my eyes accelerated his death.

    Not only was he addicted to the alcohol, now he was hooked on the klonopin, some mornings he didn't even know who i was he was so wasted At 9am. He used to atleast make it till 3pm on just the alcohol before he started to become incoherent, why the Dr would give an addict more substances to be abused is beyond me.

    I have a hard time trusting Drs i was in a outpatient Mat program with buprenophine for 8 years. At first i told the Dr i want to stay on this forever. I had 3 different Drs through the years and none had no problem with that unless they were full and needed to get rid of some patients so they can get that new patient start up money. 450 dollars.

    Not one of the Drs ever suggested getting off the medicine and none required any meetings, Hell even my last one tried to talk me out of it lol. They told me i wasnt ready dispite bringing it up myself a few times and beimg on it for 8 years.

    I quit going to the Dr and i tapered myself. Im really intune with my body though and I analyze the crap out of my well being. A Dr dosnt know excatly how im feeling inside, but I do.

    I would never recommend relying on yourself to overcome the detox process but some people have no choice. They are on a crash course with death and me personally would rather die trying then just going down with the ship if i couldnt afford the help, but i can get help quite easliy.

    Im american indian and im on the roll so i get free medical and whatever help i need like addiction treatments and any counselor i may need. But i still chose to do it myself. I domt know why im this way probably has to do with my ego honestly which is a problem not a bragging right. But thats who i am.

    Everybody is different though what works for me might not for work someone else and could even get them hurt or dead. So your right, a blanket statement about how to quit drugs or alcohol is probably pretty irresponsible for me to say. I will pay better mind. Thank you @Bullwinkle
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2020
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  17. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I wasn't going to respond to this "I'd rather die trying than go down with the ship"I get it,I really do as I've been there..In that frame of mind and I suffered intensely because of it.I have not gone through a ling rehab but I have learned to accept help without feeling weakness.Brother I have nothing negative to say about this thought process but I do pray you feel comfort in leaning on other's as it's not a sign of weakness rather it's a sign of growth(In my opinion)I am proud to call you a friend,and indeed I do care about you're wellbeing...therefore if you ever just needed or wanted a listening ear..know that I will be here for you as best I can.You know more thing's than I but sometimes it's not knowledge we need rather just simple support and understanding. Take Care my brother and if course...
    Stay Strong and God Bless you
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  18. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    Last edited: Mar 28, 2020
  19. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    From my point of view, your statement is sobriety.

    There are 5 possible relationships I can have, with God, myself, others, institutions and situations. There’s one absolute I have and that’s choices. Everyone I choose to interact with, I’m responsible for my part, no relationship is one sided. Wife, children, grandchildren, fiends, acquaintances, colleagues, government, strangers, e.g. driving, sharing the road, I’m responsible. Except for God, who is incomprehensible, eventually I'll have differences of opinion in relationships.

    Sometimes, I get angry and argue or not get angry, then debate and find out I was wrong. If I weren’t wrong or didn’t make mistakes, I wouldn’t have a fame of reference of what works and what doesn’t. However, there’s risk of losing with some relationships, especially when I’m a subordinate, that’s speaking truth to power, of which I was raised by my parents. I’ve been writing on internet recovery sites for well over 20 years and at some point, my viewpoint has either been shunned, blocked, or I’ve been kicked off the site.Those that behave this way are not teachable and haven’t learned to NEVER shoot the messenger, no matter how much one disagrees.

    I’ve lost jobs by speaking truth to power. It was usually due to a higher-up or higher-up board members that I’ve held accountable. They resist accountability due to not being teachable, because they were caught-up in their titles, e.g., MD, PhD, CEO, etc. BTW, I don’t trust most MD’s also, they’re a dime a dozen. I know my body much better than most MD’s. On the other hand, generally, the easiest people to get along with that are in power are those that are teachable. Base on some of my accomplishments, I have a few titles, one is registered abroad, but I am not my job or title.

    The same “caught-up in ones title behavior” toward some new members I’ve seen on internet recovery forums from some moderators, or some long term senior members. It’s the “new kid on the block syndrome, where you have to prove yourself to US”. The same happens at some AA, NA and some other 12 step groups. One example of why this socially exists, is due to the fear base sheepole sucking-up to those in power that control the purse strings, which is another form of slavery. What the sheepole don’t realize is that power is PURE ILLUSION, that "No man is an island entire of itself; etc., John Donne's poem. Those who remain in power due so because they’re supported by a system that has control over the purse strings, e.g. military, that are also sheepole controlled by the Industrial Military Complex, ala Dwight Eisenhower.

    I suspect my social point of view is based somewhat on my genetics, and historical knowledge, because I’m part Choctaw. My father was born on the Oklahoma Choctaw reservation, his ancestors are from the Trail Of Tears, which was initiated by Jackson, and called the Indian Removal Act. Notice how Trump sometimes has a picture of Jackson behind him?

    I discard both "American Indian" and "Native American" because I want to be faithful to reality and true to the principle that a People's name ought to come from themselves, thus Choctaw. Besides, there's a lot of evidence that at least 15,000 years ago, possibly much earlier, from Asia via Beringia is the origin of the Choctaw.
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2020
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  20. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I realize this response wasn't and isn't meant for me..however a bit of this I take offense too.No I didn't attend university,no I didn't graduate high school...irrelevant even to me.The offensive part is where you imply people who fall into the category I land in due it to "Suck up"Or Impresse the powers that be!I have been extremely civil to you my friend and here's the blunt truth.I don't give a fu*K who is in charge..i type because I think I have something to offer,like yourself.. We dig in from different spectrums, doesn't mean one is more valuable than the next.I have backed down several times out of respect but you just laid out "Blanket Judgement"I won't stand down this time my friend,I'm not going to argue back and fourth we are both too mature for that but it's you who have been pointing out blanket statement's so please revise yours!!I do this because I love,I care,PERIOD
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