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Help me please !

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Wildchild, Mar 16, 2018.

  1. Wildchild

    Wildchild Member

    I am addicted to everything because I feels more alive. It keeps me on the edge. It sparks the fire in me. It creates a need so it keeps me on my toes.

    If I stay sober, quit smoking or just being sober, i feel dead, or asleep, like aphasic.

    How do you quit being that way ? Anybody succeded ?

    This is a really bad period in my life. I am lost, in debts, and got laid off because shortage of work...

    I would love to be able to be on my toes, spark the fire, feeling awake, all sober.

    I don't have any passions, everything is expensive and I am tired to stay home and watch tv to avoid spending money. I am walking dead. What do you guys do to be happy?

    Thanks for any answers...
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Wildchild hi there. thanks for reaching out. when i was just out of high school, i partied hard. loved the feeling of drinking and just being wild... but i also remember feeling really sad at times and lonely. i didn't want to do the things i was doing, but didn't know what to do.

    then i crashed into a house while drunk. well, that woke me up. i had a friend who went to AA and she told me she was picking me up and taking me to meetings. she left me no room to say no. i went for a year and that changed my life. i learned a lot about alcohol and just life... people think booze and drugs make life better... that's such a lie, an illusion. yeah, the buzz feels good for a minute...then hell... then remorse, guilt and then ya gotta keep doing it!!! yuck.

    so i quit it all. settled down and that was almost 30 years ago. life without that crap isn't always easy, but dealing with it sober is better than dealing with it drunk or high....

    and the illusion that happiness is a state you enjoy constantly is just that; an illusion. no one is happy all the time, but you can learn to become happier... and enjoy more happy than sad or chaotic moments.

    for me, i started reading personal development books, spiritual books, and watching videos... i figured if i wanted a "good life", it was up to ME to create it... did it go as planned?

    no... life rarely goes as planned, but it's been filled with so many awesome moments... fun times..making memories, exploring...

    after i raised my kids i didn't know what was fun for me. raising kids was fun.... then they were out of the home and i was sad... so i made a list of what i liked to do. at the time, it wasn't'much. i liked walking, listening to music.. so i went for two walks a day and danced to music... from there i tried other things, painting, woodworking, writing, dancing, and more...

    if you have internet, start watching motivational videos on youtube. start reading articles and books each day... for free. that mind of yours... you've got to feed it GOOD food... feed your soul good stuff....

    :)

    life is a journey... now it's your opportunity to begin a new chapter.
    does this help?
  3. Wildchild

    Wildchild Member

    Wow, great text. I think it is the best answer I could get. I saved it and will be reading it quite often during the next few days. Thank you so much :)
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Wildchild you're welcome! keep me posted on some changes you're going to make in your life.... change takes time, but one day at a time we can... i believe in you! :)
  5. CMMW

    CMMW Member

    So I had never felt pure joy until I stopped using, at least not since I was a child, I didn’t realize that however until I was sober.

    Ok so picture this, my life while using was like a heart beat line, full of really high highs and then really low lows. The alcohol would bring me to an extreme peak but then when it was gone I was in a deep valley.
    So then I sober up, my life is no longer in extremes, there’s far less chaos right? So instead of a heartbeat like with extreme peaks and valleys it’s more like a wavy line, with curves and shallow peaks and valleys. Now this takes some getting used to, our addictions made it so we felt the ultimate high always followed by and even deeper low. But when we remove the drugs and alcohol were left with a “normal people” base line where the highs aren’t as high but the lows aren’t as extreme either. It can seem mundane at first, I get that. It wasn’t until I was probably six months sober when my body/brain were getting used to being sober that I was able to feel, like really feel joy. Pure joy, unaltered. I promise, if stay sober long enough to get past the hurdle where at first life seems too ordinary, too predictable, too flat, you will get to the other side where the beauty really comes to life. A sober life is a beautiful life, so much more full than one dedicated to drugs or alcohol. Stick around and you’ll get to see the miracle happen :).
    Dominica likes this.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @CMMW very nicely explained! i can relate to this a lot... and i must say i'd rather be on the sober side for sure... this woman told me yesterday she quit (she's in her 70's) a few months ago and she feels great! she did say others mentioned she's more "fun" when drinking... and she's like "oh well. get over it"... b/c she wants to be free and healthy.... i'd rather have JOY than some fleeting, temporary happy feeling followed by crappy feelings from alcohol.

    thanks for sharing!
  7. CMMW

    CMMW Member

    That’s interesting, normal people like coworkers who have never seen me drink have said things like, “I bet you were a lot of fun when you drank or I wish I would have known you when you were drinking.” I try to set them straight. A. You wouldn’t have liked me when I was drinking, I was a hot mess and a selfish asshole B. I wasn’t fun, I liked to drink alone and if I did go out I was usually the person passed out on the bar. It wasn’t pretty, or fun or glamorous. It was sad, pathetic and lonely C. I was so unhappy when I was drinking, I wanted to die. So I don’t particularly care what they think because it made me miserable. People even normys are selfish at times, that’s a shitty thing to say to someone in recovery...”that you were more fun when you were drinking”. Those people don’t know the whole truth or the depths of despair your addiction took you too. If only they knew the amount of pain our addiction causes I like to think they wouldn’t say **** like that
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    i agree people shouldn't say that to others... i am super glad you are sober and loving life now!! :)
  9. Hi_Im_Shawn

    Hi_Im_Shawn Member

    It's your mind playing tricks on you. Life is a bitch, there's simply no other way to put it. Doing drugs makes it better, but ultimately makes it WAY worse.

    There is no spark, there was never meant to be a spark. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Just move at a steady pace and don't FK your life up.
    Dominica likes this.
  10. Missmomma8782

    Missmomma8782 Member

    Ok first things first u seem to be young and simple minded no offense but if u have to get that rush that so called high and u can amazingly do so anyway then why don't you go the gym or gamble small tune of course but like 20 bucks worth of scratcheys a paycheck or something when u find employment again but unless u have a choice method to receive that high I would just calm down and maybe even try therapy it could be a mental health issues I suffer from several nental isses myself but I hope u can find peace and clairty soon
    Dominica likes this.