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Help me please !

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Wildchild, Mar 16, 2018.

  1. Wildchild

    Wildchild Member

    I am addicted to everything because I feels more alive. It keeps me on the edge. It sparks the fire in me. It creates a need so it keeps me on my toes.

    If I stay sober, quit smoking or just being sober, i feel dead, or asleep, like aphasic.

    How do you quit being that way ? Anybody succeded ?

    This is a really bad period in my life. I am lost, in debts, and got laid off because shortage of work...

    I would love to be able to be on my toes, spark the fire, feeling awake, all sober.

    I don't have any passions, everything is expensive and I am tired to stay home and watch tv to avoid spending money. I am walking dead. What do you guys do to be happy?

    Thanks for any answers...
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Wildchild hi there. thanks for reaching out. when i was just out of high school, i partied hard. loved the feeling of drinking and just being wild... but i also remember feeling really sad at times and lonely. i didn't want to do the things i was doing, but didn't know what to do.

    then i crashed into a house while drunk. well, that woke me up. i had a friend who went to AA and she told me she was picking me up and taking me to meetings. she left me no room to say no. i went for a year and that changed my life. i learned a lot about alcohol and just life... people think booze and drugs make life better... that's such a lie, an illusion. yeah, the buzz feels good for a minute...then hell... then remorse, guilt and then ya gotta keep doing it!!! yuck.

    so i quit it all. settled down and that was almost 30 years ago. life without that crap isn't always easy, but dealing with it sober is better than dealing with it drunk or high....

    and the illusion that happiness is a state you enjoy constantly is just that; an illusion. no one is happy all the time, but you can learn to become happier... and enjoy more happy than sad or chaotic moments.

    for me, i started reading personal development books, spiritual books, and watching videos... i figured if i wanted a "good life", it was up to ME to create it... did it go as planned?

    no... life rarely goes as planned, but it's been filled with so many awesome moments... fun times..making memories, exploring...

    after i raised my kids i didn't know what was fun for me. raising kids was fun.... then they were out of the home and i was sad... so i made a list of what i liked to do. at the time, it wasn't'much. i liked walking, listening to music.. so i went for two walks a day and danced to music... from there i tried other things, painting, woodworking, writing, dancing, and more...

    if you have internet, start watching motivational videos on youtube. start reading articles and books each day... for free. that mind of yours... you've got to feed it GOOD food... feed your soul good stuff....


    life is a journey... now it's your opportunity to begin a new chapter.
    does this help?
  3. Wildchild

    Wildchild Member

    Wow, great text. I think it is the best answer I could get. I saved it and will be reading it quite often during the next few days. Thank you so much :)
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Wildchild you're welcome! keep me posted on some changes you're going to make in your life.... change takes time, but one day at a time we can... i believe in you! :)
  5. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    So I had never felt pure joy until I stopped using, at least not since I was a child, I didn’t realize that however until I was sober.

    Ok so picture this, my life while using was like a heart beat line, full of really high highs and then really low lows. The alcohol would bring me to an extreme peak but then when it was gone I was in a deep valley.
    So then I sober up, my life is no longer in extremes, there’s far less chaos right? So instead of a heartbeat like with extreme peaks and valleys it’s more like a wavy line, with curves and shallow peaks and valleys. Now this takes some getting used to, our addictions made it so we felt the ultimate high always followed by and even deeper low. But when we remove the drugs and alcohol were left with a “normal people” base line where the highs aren’t as high but the lows aren’t as extreme either. It can seem mundane at first, I get that. It wasn’t until I was probably six months sober when my body/brain were getting used to being sober that I was able to feel, like really feel joy. Pure joy, unaltered. I promise, if stay sober long enough to get past the hurdle where at first life seems too ordinary, too predictable, too flat, you will get to the other side where the beauty really comes to life. A sober life is a beautiful life, so much more full than one dedicated to drugs or alcohol. Stick around and you’ll get to see the miracle happen :).
    True concern and Dominica like this.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @CMMW very nicely explained! i can relate to this a lot... and i must say i'd rather be on the sober side for sure... this woman told me yesterday she quit (she's in her 70's) a few months ago and she feels great! she did say others mentioned she's more "fun" when drinking... and she's like "oh well. get over it"... b/c she wants to be free and healthy.... i'd rather have JOY than some fleeting, temporary happy feeling followed by crappy feelings from alcohol.

    thanks for sharing!
  7. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    That’s interesting, normal people like coworkers who have never seen me drink have said things like, “I bet you were a lot of fun when you drank or I wish I would have known you when you were drinking.” I try to set them straight. A. You wouldn’t have liked me when I was drinking, I was a hot mess and a selfish asshole B. I wasn’t fun, I liked to drink alone and if I did go out I was usually the person passed out on the bar. It wasn’t pretty, or fun or glamorous. It was sad, pathetic and lonely C. I was so unhappy when I was drinking, I wanted to die. So I don’t particularly care what they think because it made me miserable. People even normys are selfish at times, that’s a shitty thing to say to someone in recovery...”that you were more fun when you were drinking”. Those people don’t know the whole truth or the depths of despair your addiction took you too. If only they knew the amount of pain our addiction causes I like to think they wouldn’t say **** like that
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    i agree people shouldn't say that to others... i am super glad you are sober and loving life now!! :)
  9. Hi_Im_Shawn

    Hi_Im_Shawn Member

    It's your mind playing tricks on you. Life is a bitch, there's simply no other way to put it. Doing drugs makes it better, but ultimately makes it WAY worse.

    There is no spark, there was never meant to be a spark. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. Just move at a steady pace and don't FK your life up.
    Dominica likes this.
  10. Missmomma8782

    Missmomma8782 Member

    Ok first things first u seem to be young and simple minded no offense but if u have to get that rush that so called high and u can amazingly do so anyway then why don't you go the gym or gamble small tune of course but like 20 bucks worth of scratcheys a paycheck or something when u find employment again but unless u have a choice method to receive that high I would just calm down and maybe even try therapy it could be a mental health issues I suffer from several nental isses myself but I hope u can find peace and clairty soon
    Dominica likes this.
  11. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Wildchild This is my story of addiction.I was born in the early 80's at the age of six year's old i was diagnosed with that time there was a new F.D.A.approved drug by the name of Ritalin.At first it seemed to be a miracle pill,I was on this pill until the age of 18 at that time i decided i was no longer going to take this pill and it began just under a year passed and someone said "Have you ever tried crystal"which i had not at that time but i tried it and instantly noticed that it was 100% the same effect i got from Ritalin only difference was it lasted longer,or seemed to but honestly it was probably the quantity i was doing was greater than that of Ritalin i struggled with meth on and off for roughly 20 year's,not only meth but i was as well consuming 750ml of Jack Daniel's a day plus a 12 pack of beer.For those who don't know when you mix the two you don't appear to get drunk which is very deadly because infact you do get drunk however you don't realise it until it's too late meaning alcohol poisoning.I experienced this a few times and actually died on a hospital bed due to this fact,it took 3 hits with a defibrillator to restart my heart and i was told the only reason I was hit 3 times was because i was only 19 year's old,but usually after the second time if your heart doesn't restart you are then pronounced dead,but a nurse pleaded with the try one more time and he did and my heart started back up.I didn't know at the time but that nurse was actually the mother of the lead singer of Sublime who just lost her son to a heroin overdose.I am forever grateful for that nurse without her plea i would be another statistic.Unfortunately I didn't quite using drug's at that time i just traded substances.I started abusing pain pills heavily and increased that addiction to catastrophic proportions,it got so bad i started injecting heroin which i quickly traded for oxycontin because it was much stronger than heroin.I abused fentanyl as well but nothing compared to the oxycontin.At my worst i was injecting 240-320mg's of oxycontin a day,feeling i wouldn't survive another month i decided to seek help.I'm poor and i come from poor parent's so my options were limited,i ended up at a methadone clinic for help slowly decreasing my extremely high tolerance.At the clinic i had an interview with a drug addiction counselor and an addiction physician,i was hoping for good news but what i heard shock me to my core.I was told by both the same thing,"Sir we are sorry to tell you but your addiction and tolerance is beyond the point of return,whether you quit or continue either way you cannot survive you have if your lucky a month to live"My heart sank and i decided at that moment if i was going to die i would die trying.I went home and prayed and then i called my wife into the room to tell her the news.At that moment i apologized to her told her how much she meant to me and made her promise if i didn't make it she would move on re marry and live a happy life and she noded yes.After that i quite cold turkey and suffered pain and sickness i cannot describe,for 27 straight day's i did not leave the bedroom,i did not eat,i did not sleep,i hallucinated,i screamed in intense unimaginable pain,i lost over 50 pound's in that time frame and had to be rushed to the hospital 3 time's where they would rehydrate me and try to give me pain shots to stall the detox which i refused.On day 28 I took my first steps after i quite and by the grace of God i survived and this May im married 18 year's to my beautiful wife and guardian angel.This is the first time I've shared my story of addiction and i did it for one reason alone,i want everyone to know i understand what you are going through and no matter how bad it gets there is hope.I'm here for each and everyone of you,if you ever need someone to talk to,if you ever feel no one understands im all ears and i do understand.Stay Strong We're rooting for you
    Last edited: May 3, 2018
  12. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    One of the best I've read from you,very very good stuff and i think it was amazing
    deanokat likes this.
  13. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Thank you for sharing your story. It gives me hope, I too have thought that I was not going to live at a point about a year back. I am tapering down on benzos and subs but am always running out early cause well, I'm an addict but hearing that helps me know I can make the jump to sobriety and a clean life. I thank you for that. I am just so scared though because I started at 14 and am 30 I don't know what to expect from the jump to sobriety.
    deanokat likes this.
  14. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    True concern likes this.
  15. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Josh111187... I'm glad you're tapering off benzos and Suboxone. That's amazing! You can definitely make the jump to sobriety and a clean life. Will it be easy? Probably not. But if you stay focused on the goal and are willing to do the hard work necessary to get there, you will. Life without mind-altering substances is so much better. Trust me.

    Sending you lots of hope and encouragement. Keep taking steps in the right direction, my friend!
    Josh111187 likes this.
  16. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Josh111187 Im glad my story gave you hope and just so you know you gave me hope as well,what i mean is I've hoped my struggle would help someone atleast in letting them know they are not alone.I tell you detox from benzodiazepines is extreme i atleast for myself wow how i hallucinated and voices and basically just terrible thing's,however the suffering from detox though intense only last for a relatively short time (a few weeks) but after that you have your life back and believe me your worth more than your addiction has to offer and in my heart and soul i absolutely know you will beat this for many reasons but you showed your addiction you have the strength to stand up to it and fight back.Stay Strong and please stay in contact there are some wonderful people in this community and each and everyone of us have your back.Take Care
    deanokat and Josh111187 like this.
  17. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Thank you. I'm about to start it tomorrow and I know I'll have to go and see my doctor on Monday right now just making it through the weekend scares me and then,when,i bet scared it makes me more scared and anxious. I'm stuck in a loop and can't get out if that makes any since.
    deanokat likes this.
  18. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    That makes perfect sense @Josh111187 but i promise you the loop that feels close and never ending expands into a larger nascar size loop basically meaning longer straight aways of clarity with short rapid turns being the substance abuse craving if you can stay strong and tapper down the way I've outlined and in 30 day's that looped track no longer has any turns meaning cravings and before you know it YOUR suddenly on an NHRA track with nothing but straight aways at full speed all the time meaning sober clarity that only gets better with each pass down the track of sobriety.Cravings are part of it as is feeling weak and helpless but you have already proven your not helpless because your loop is expanding with more straights then turns meaning your seeking help and i commend you for your amazing courage to reach out and better yourself.
    Last edited: May 4, 2018
    deanokat and Cametobelieve0202 like this.
  19. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Josh111187 come on here as often as you'd like this weekend!! we'll be here on and off to be able to converse and encourage you!!
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  20. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Josh111187 im with@Dominica on this we got your back man,im planning on feeling my weekend with inspiration and motivation.It truly is an amazing feeling to not only offer advice but to recieve it as well and the part i personal greatly appreciate is the community here is so supportive through both good and bad time's,lord knows we all have bad time's and we can all help one another it's an absolute blessing
    Last edited: May 4, 2018
    Dominica likes this.