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help me to understand

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by george_15108, Aug 15, 2017.

  1. george_15108

    george_15108 Member

    When I went downstairs to get in my truck this morning, I looked down at the floor and saw a piece of a broken mirror….i thought I had cleaned that up…..then I look up and realize my mirror is smashed into a thousand pieces…and I look down at my right hand and its covered in dried blood. I don’t remember doing it. This is the second time….i did the same thing a couple months ago and don’t remember doing it…I love alcohol, its my heroin….it makes me feel so good and I am a happy when I drink. I do not get angry or violent.

    Ive been looking at the little cuts all over my hand all day and just thinking about WHY I did it…why?????

    I got divorced about 4 years ago…..im over it now but it took about 3 years, it broke me in half and that was the catalyst for hard drinking.

    Thanks for any advice or opinions. Im not ready to stop drinking. Im 46, male.
  2. george_15108

    george_15108 Member

    just makes me want to cry sitting here thinking about why i did that....why....for the second time...wish i knew what was going through my mind....do i secretly hate myself? i eat super healthy, work out daily, im a nice guy, people seem to like me....i dont get it....
  3. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @george_15108... Welcome and thanks for sharing. I'm sorry you're struggling.

    You say you don't get angry or violent, but this is the second time you've smashed one of your truck's mirrors to pieces? That sounds angry/violent to me. The fact that you can't remember doing it is more than a little alarming, too. Alcohol may make you feel good and happy when you drink, but I think it's taking a big toll on you. But if you're not ready to quit, you're not ready.

    If I were you, I'd consider trying therapy. There may be underlying issues you're trying to deal with that are leading you to do these things. A good therapist can help you discover and confront those things.

    Take care of yourself, my friend. Drinking to the point of not remembering things you do is dangerous. I would hate for you to injure yourself or someone else because of your drinking. If you're not ready to quit altogether, maybe at least consider cutting down. Your life--or someone else's--may depend on it.