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Help, nowhere to turn

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Clare, Apr 15, 2018.

  1. Clare

    Clare Member


    I don't know what to do anymore. I am struggling with partying too much and doing far too much cocaine. I don't see it as an addiction but perhaps it is. I have a very good job and I am a keen runner. However I like to let my hair down on the weekend, too much. My Husband buys loads, I mean loads so it's always here in the house. We've argued over it for 7 years now and he simply won't listen. I beg and cry and ask him can we slow down but it never happens. We've had two 40th Birthdays the last two weekends so of course we drank and took a lot of cocaine. This weekend was meant to be chilled, I was so looking forward it to it but I had a drink and then he suggested do a few lines.... I could say no but I am weak after a drink. I have woke up this morning feeling so upset that we've done it again. I am anxious and know it will take me days to get over. It effects my work, my mood, my running and everything really. I've asked again this morning can we slow down (whilst in tears) but all I get it 'just don't do it then'. He'll just keep buying more because that's what he wants to do as its his vice (he's not a big drinker). I always say can't we just do it on special occasions but I get told I can't pick and choose.... I don't know what to do anymore. It's killing our marriage because I can't be a good wife when I feel like this most weekends.

    I've been doing it for so long now I feel I can't go out and socolise without it. Surely that's not right? My Husband doesn't think that's an issue. His words are 'people can't go out without drinking either'. I'm 38, nearly 39 and feel like I'm killing myself. I've tried to talk to his Sister about it and ask for her to get him to slow down but she didn't want to know... she is his Brother and she took his side. I could talk to friends but I'm embarrassed. We have friends that also do it so I'm trying to stay away but how can I stay away from my Husband? He won't listen.... I just don't know what to do. I'm so unhappy and just want a different life.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Clare hello and welcome. i'm sorry you're struggling.... glad you're here reaching out and glad you're questioning this addiction in your life. you've got some big decisions to make. if you truly want to stop using cocaine, you may have to face the fact that he may not....and if you cannot stop while it's in your home, are you willing to make an ultimatum and/or leave the home? it could come down to that if you truly want to be free from this addiction.

    you've been using for years and your brain is hard-wired for it now. it will take time, energy, and probably some professional help to re-wire your brain... for your body to detox and stop associating life with drinking and drugging. sure, some people can just stop cold turkey, but many cannot.

    there's various paths to recovery from addiction. maybe start attending 12 STep meeting... NA. or see a therapist... i always recommend therapy regardless, because there's usually more than just the addiction going on in someone's life. things like anxiety, depression, guilt, grief, childhood trauma, PTSD, and sometimes mental illness. if you can get to a good therapist, go.

    i'm sure you are unhappy... you want freedom from these drugs... and that is a good thing... maybe attending support group might help you to be around others who are feeling the same way you are. if your husband doesn't like you going, so be it. it's your life and what you want and need matters... YOU matter.

    feel free to keep reaching out here... i'm here if you need.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Clare... Just now seeing your post and I'm wondering how things are in your world. If you have a spare minute or two, let us know how things are going, okay?
  4. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    I relate so much to your post. My boyfriend has told me repetitively that he will never quit coke. Recently I asked him if we could only do it/have it in the house once a year (not one single night, but a little section of the year) and the next day I swear I thought he was going to leave me, saying stuff like “I don’t think I’m what you’re looking for”. Addiction is the worst.
    deanokat, True concern and Dominica like this.
  5. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    deanokat and True concern like this.
  6. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Clare I know i have replied to your post but i don't see my response....I assume you must have it posted elsewhere as well,either way i would love to hear how your doing.You can be happy sober you know this that's why you shared with us.We are all here for you and we all care deeply.Stay Strong and God Bless Take Care
    deanokat and Dominica like this.