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Help to identify if partner is crack user

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Pinkelephant, Sep 9, 2018.

  1. Pinkelephant

    Pinkelephant Member

    I really need some help to clarify if my partner is using crack. I feel i have all the evidence i need but as im not clued up with drug users i need help to know if im not looking into it too much. Its a long story but will try to keep to the main points. We have been having a rough time for 2 years. We were financially quite well off, just bought our own house. He works from home and has done for 10 years. 2 years ago i noticed he was drinking more, usually only really a weekend drinker but noticed he was drinking a bottle of wine a night whilst working. I pulled him up on it and he said it helped him get through a sressful time with the business. Then i noticed him going out a lot and could see cocaine residue in the bathroom and id also found small empty bags of it in the car. I was about to confront him when one night he came home and confessed to doing coke and that he wanted to get help. I told him i would support him. We went to the doctors and explained the situation but they were unhelpful and gave us some leaflets and sent us on our way. Also worth mentioning he was on Amytriptaline and Gabapentin for neurological pains. Anyway a few months went by of erratic behaviour, staying out all night and coming home at 9am next morning, staying up for 3 nights at a time and then sleeping for 2 days solid, completely detached from the family, almost avoiding us to the point of he would wake when we went to sleep and sleep when we were awake, not spending any time with kids yet trying to convince me he spends more time than any other father. Constantly on phone to friends arranging to meet them. All bills and mortgage went into arrears. Dodgy people knocking on the door saying he owed them money, bailiffs. I kept telling him hes getting in with the wring crowd but he insisted i was wrong and too judgmental and they were good people. He would verbally lash out at me for no reason. He was never like that in all the 15 years together we never argued. Then one night he felt like he had a breakthrough realisation that he was bipolar and admittedly when reading the symptoms also had me convinced. The symptoms seemed to match him perfectly. So went docs and got referred to mental health. They said in order to assess him he had to stop the booze and drugs (also smokes weed). So was referred to the service which helps people with addictions went for about 8 weeks to see a therapist and oddly at the end of it told me that the therapist said he didnt have a problem (he was obviously lying to the therapist) and said the therapist said he drinks and smokes because of the problems at home so until that is fixed he wont stop. Mental health declined helping him. Which i believe is because he didnt stop using, as they couldnt assess him when clean. So there has been no diagnosis and he has basically self diagnosed himself and expecting me to accept it which i dont and hasnt persisted with a diagnosis from mental health. The behaviour has just continued and yes i have thrown him out several times and always comed back with promises of change but nothing happens once hes back in. Anyway the other day i noticed in his room a tub of bicarb of soda which i found very odd, burnt spoons, lighters, a knife with whitish residue on it and have also noticed syringes in the bin which he says are steroids he takes for the gym which could be true but not sure. On looking this up on google it appears these things are associated with crack usage and now i dont know what to do as i dont know for sure but all the signs are there with what iv found, his behaviour and even the way he looks. Constant sniffly nose, blood in sink when he blows nose, gaunt looking face, breaks out in sweats a lot, darker looking skin, dark circles around eyes, abnormal sleeping patterns. Hes 40 and thinks he looks fantastic but iv known him a long time and he just looks ill. I know you cant help someone unless they admit they need help. Hes basically said i am bipolar you need to accept me as i am, but even if he is bipolar, to live with someone like that who is not medicated Is pretty much impossible. What do you think, please help
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Pinkelephant hello and welcome. not sure what drugs he is using, but whatever it/they are, it sounds like it could be serious.... and i know this puts you in a spot where you must make some decisions for YOU.

    you ought to be able to have a healthy relationship where your wants and needs matter. sounds like he is not willing to be honest with himself or you...

    have you ever considered attending a support group for loved ones of addicts? some find it helpful....

    i'm sure someone else may have a better idea of what that paraphernalia is all about... but regardless of the drug, sounds like he's on that downward slope fast....

    know that we are here to listen and support you... no matter what.
    deanokat likes this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community, @Pinkelephant. I'm sorry you're having to deal with your partner's drug use, but I'm glad you reached out.

    I'm sorry I can't help you with identifying the drug(s) behind the paraphernalia, but I agree with @Dominica that it's obvious your partner is using something.

    I think Nar-Anon, Al-Anon, or SMART Recovery Family & Friends meetings would be great for you. There's a lot of help and comfort to be found amongst others who know exactly what you're going through and feeling. I also think doing some reading on the subject of addiction would be good for you. Knowledge is power. Here's a link to a blog about some books that might be helpful:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    Keep in mind what Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach us about a loved one's addiction:

    You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

    The best thing you can do right now is to take good care of YOURSELF, because YOU are the only person you have complete control over. And YOUR life matters, too.

    I'm sending you lots of strength and hope. Please know that we are here to support you any way we can. Even if you just need to vent, you can always come here and do that. We will always listen, without judgment. You are not alone.
  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    You don't cook meth or crack in spoons...if you are finding burnt spoons it could only be heroin and the white residue is probably cocaine or meth on his nose.He is doing multiple substances and yes mixing those 2 particular drug's will without doubt make you appear bi-polar unfortunately I speak from experience but I hope this info helps you realize you need to help YOU....He is stuck in a downward spiral of self destruction and will only stop if and when he wants as it's obvious he has mastered manipulation. STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS
    Lostboy8731, deanokat and Dominica like this.
  5. Lostboy8731

    Lostboy8731 Community Champion

    So saddened and sorry to hear about what you are facing. Now first i wanna say im not anything close to a medical proffessional. To be honest i am an addict that was 2 years sober until a recent fall. Ive battled recovery and addiction most of my life and done many different substances which im not proud to admit but i try to take something from it positively and thats my knowledge and understanding of certain substances and im affraid that everything youve described falls in line with exactly as you suspected and thats a heroin addiction. I hope he will find treatment if he hasnt yet and that things turn around for you. Prayers and love being sent your way. Please keep in touch
    deanokat and True concern like this.