@ewestfall... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing. I'm sorry you lost your mother, but please don't feel guilt over her death. We can only do so much when a loved one is addicted, and only they can make the decision to stop using drugs. We didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. It's not your fault.
That said, I think you're in a tricky situation with your fiancé. Most people who struggle with addiction will deal with it their entire lives. After having gone through what you went through with your mother, I guess you have to ask yourself if you want to go down that road again with the love of your life. I'm not saying one way or the other is best; I'm just saying that you should take a look at things very closely. Especially with kids involved. Things may end up being great for your fiancé, and you could most certainly live happily ever after. But it's also possible that your kids could end up in a situation like you were in when you were a kid.
I can't give you advice. Your situation is your own and you are the only one who can decide what's best for you and your kids. But the fact that you say you're emotionally drained is an indicator that maybe you're not so sure about things. If nothing else, I would suggest you delay any wedding plans until you are comfortable with things.
You deserve to live a happy, healthy, relatively stress-free life. So do your kids. Remember that you and your kids are the most important people in your life.
I'm sure others in the community will weigh in on your post, too. I hope nothing I've said offends you in any way. That's not my intention. I'm just trying to put everything out there.
We are here to help and support you any way we can, Erica. Feel free to reach out anytime you need or want to. I hope that you are able to come to a decision that feels good for you, my friend.
Peace and hugs.
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