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Helping a loved one

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by khadija, Oct 9, 2014.

  1. khadija

    khadija Member

    I have a loved one that is struggling with drug addition. I am so scared for him because he has been in and out of rehab to try to overcome substance abuse, however he continue to have a relaps. I am really out of all options in terms of moral support. Is there any advise on what I should do to support him in his effort to leave the substance abuse alone?
  2. shilpa123

    shilpa123 Member

    I think that the best way to make him come out of addiction is to ask him remember all the people whom he have loved and had great time with. He should think about changing himself for the sake of all the people who love and care for him.
  3. I think the best way to help him would just to be there for him. Remind him why he's been in rehab before, why he's getting better, and be sure to mention all the people that just want the best for him. I wish your friend the best of luck in his journey to recovery.
  4. wilberoti

    wilberoti Member

    I think the best opinion is to have is take him to expert guidance and counseling team to the group that takes care of children like him. If he is a catching and understanding guy, he will get to capture the consequences and challenges that are ahead of him.Life is not too short yet, don't make it shot loved one. wishing you best recovery.
  5. vennybunny

    vennybunny Member

    Completely agree. Support from family and friends, I think is the biggest barrier against relapse. Just having people like you who care is very helpful. :)
  6. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    Yeah, the support from the people that love us is important, but we need to be occupied, if we have too much free time relapsing can happen easier.
  7. Jen S.

    Jen S. Guest

    I wanted to do this. Get clean for other people. Unfortunately it didn't happen that way for me. I had to be willing to do whatever it took for myself. Whenever people I loved asked me to remember the great times we had/do it for them/come out of my addiction like you're suggesting, I was overwhelmed with guilt. Even worse - toxic shame.

    Addiction is not a "phase". It's not something we can "snap out of", no matter how much we want to stop hurting our friends and family. We are aware of the fact that our actions hurt, frustrate and terrify the people we love - we just don't know what to do. This is a progressive and potentially fatal disease - not an attitude problem. It is cunning - baffling - powerful. We may be able to "hang in there" and white knuckle it for other people in the beginning of our recovery (and sometimes that's all we need to get the ball rolling), but until we understand we have to do this for ourselves we are ticking time bombs.
    Joseph likes this.
  8. Jen S.

    Jen S. Guest

    Offering as much guilt-trip free love and support to your friend without creating an unhealthy situation for you (it's important to establish boundaries with anyone in your life struggling with an addiction) is what I'd recommend. :)
  9. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    Yep, that is a precious advice, guilt free love and support is the best, support without condemning, the harm is done, so no point in talking about what happened, but what to do so it doesn't happen again.
  10. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    In some cases the best you can offer is your time. Let the person that person you are trying to help know that you'll be there for them.
    This is a good sign. It proves that he's trying to overcome the addiction but it's been difficult for him. Maybe what he needs is more encouragement that he can make it. Tell him you believe he can make it. This might give him some motivation to keep trying.
    Jen S. likes this.
  11. Jen S.

    Jen S. Guest

  12. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I think one of the better things to do is to not see his relapses as failures so he doesn't end up looking at himself as a failure. Remind him that these are all just tools for learning and as long as he keeps trying then he has not fully lost the battle. It helps to have educated and non judgmental people around you during these times because ignorant people are the worst.
  13. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    I've heard that the percentage for the addicts that manage to overcome the addiction is very low, that is why that it's said people are never over the addiction, they are forever recovering addicts, it's a lifetime process.
  14. HerrKaze

    HerrKaze Member

    The journey is his to take, and his life is in fact his. Nothing we say or do can really turn somebody around, so what you have to do is trust in your friend and understand that your support comes from the fact that you know what he's going through and that you're still there with him. What you should do is be his friend and see him through.
  15. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi Khadija. Try to engage him in a hobby or a job or a cause perhaps that he truly loves or that makes him feel a worthy individual. My brother in law had drug addiction problem before. But when he was called back to a job he really liked, he focused on changing himself for him to pass his medical exams. And since he couldn't have that on the job or else, he will get fired, he has been drug-free since then. Good luck to you!
  16. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Does he have friends? What's his hobby? Is he into movies? Do you think he misses his childhood? You may want to explore these questions to arrive at a reasonable option for your friend. The thing is, moral support comes in a variety of ways. You need not say something as words might not even be enough. You can, however, take him somewhere or show him something you personally made an effort for.
  17. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    Your loved one has to want to do it for themselves and stay that way for the ones that they love. It is extremely difficult to stay sober if there is no discussion about the source of the problem. Once he/she has dealt with what got them there in the first place, only then will they be able to keep sober. It also helps to avoid places and behaviour that could trigger a desire to start again.
    All that you can do for your loved one is be there for support and perhaps ask a sponsor to give you a number for a therapist that can help get to the root of the official problem.
  18. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    Being there in many cases is more than enough support, some people have no one, so knowing that we have someone we can count on is a big deal.
  19. Sarah

    Sarah Member

    I've said it before but all you can do is let them know you are there and they have your support. I don't think trying to make him stay clean for the sake of others is they way to go. Because he has to do it for himself or it is unlikely to be a permanent thing. Take his mind of it, try to fill his time with something he likes doing other than drugs.
  20. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    I think that finding something for him/her to do is vital, he needs to be occupied, to get his mind out of the addiction.