An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the DrugAbuse.com Forums?Join or

Helping a son to cope up drug addiction

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by Friend, Nov 25, 2015.

  1. Friend

    Friend Member

    I am a father of an adult addicted child. He is into drugs. He is married and has 3 children. He underwent a drug rehabilation for only a week in an island somewhere in South Luzon in the Philippines since he escaped from the rehab center. He went back with his home and family and found a job again. But since he relapsed from drug use, his attitude towards work is unusual and is always been late if not absent. He is always fighting with his wife and soon been separated with each other now. He lives with us now and is today pestering our silent days of living. My wife is annoyed and so with his other siblings. They want him out of the house. But, I resented and said he needs more compassion and guidance. Now, they are against me and this son of mine. I said to them all; we need more prayers and love these days.... I hope I am right!
  2. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    It was right that you should not just throw him away but as he was still living in your house, there should things to be considered and be done. His addiction should not be left untreated and just allow him to annoy the other people living in the house.
  3. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    What you did could be misconstrued as enabling but it's not.

    You need to a step further though. Compassion itself won't get an addict to change. At times an addict needs a gentle nudge to get him to head in the right direction. Ask him to get treatment. But if he is unwilling to change maybe kicking him out might be the negative motivation he needs to fight his addiction.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    That is a tough spot to be in. You don't just want to throw your son out but it is also not fair to the other children whose lives are being disrupted because of his behaviour. Is there anyway that you could get him back in to rehab? Sometimes it takes more then one visit for people to change to ways. This addiction needs to be treated and the sooner the better. He can't go on living this way. He needs support and love right now! I hope you can get some help for him soon so that everybody will be able to live in peace.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    If your son and his addiction are disrupting your lives or your other kids' lives, then he should not be living in your home. If he wants to live in your home, there should be boundaries/rules in place. No drug use should be the number one thing on that list.

    Compassion is fine, but the only one who can change your son's life is your son. It doesn't matter how much you or anyone else wants him to stop using drugs. He's the only one who can do it. And by letting him live in your house, you are making his addiction and drug use easier. Because of that, I have to disagree with @Rainman; I think you are enabling your son.

    Your son is an adult who is married with 3 children. You may think you're being compassionate by letting him live with you; and maybe you are to some extent. But you are also making things easier for him. If he's able to live in your home and continue using drugs, he is getting exactly what he wants. He has a comfortable place to be and, at the same time, can keep using. He is able to have his cake and eat it, too.

    If nothing changes, nothing changes. As long as your son is in a comfort zone--and that's really what you are providing him with--he won't change his behavior. Why would he? He has everything he wants.

    It's tough having a child who struggles with addiction. Sometimes the hardest decisions we have to make are the right decisions.
  6. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @Friend! Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear about the struggles your family is currently going through. Well, yes, during these times, love and support are the things that you need the most. I know this is a tough situation for your family, but just stay strong. I would be praying for you.
    deanokat likes this.