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Heroin is slowly destroying my Grandaughter

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Broken Gma, Oct 22, 2015.

  1. Broken Gma

    Broken Gma Member

    My 23 years old Grandaughter is incarcerated at this time for failure to appear! She had been accepted into our city's Drug Court, and had been in jail for 35 days and court ordered rehab for 45 days! One week after rehab she began using again! Stopped going to meetings,stopped IOP! Spent the day trying to get her next fix! She OD'd once during the past month and had to be transported to ER where Narcan was given! She survived...but I'm so scared the next time she won't be so lucky!!! Let me back up...she started on Percocet that was prescribed for a back injury after being rear ended! When she was no longer able to get the Percs is when she started Heroin! The last 2 years have been hell! She steals over and over...been jailed twice for theft! In Detox once and two rehabs now with her presently in jail until Dec.3! I thank God every day she's in jail, because at least she's alive! Because of her stealing, she is alienated from almost our entire family, and they have written her off as a lost cause, and hopeless! I'm very realistic and knowledgable about addiction and I'll never believe she's hopeless! I'm afraid for her, and I know there's nothing I can do to help her! I will continue to love and support her, but I'm so conflicted to what I have to do to not be an enabler!
    greybird29 likes this.
  2. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know about that.
    Giving her advices and trying to make her realize that she needs to change will not make you an enabler. Having and keeping hope is important and she is blessed that you are not yet giving up on her.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Broken Gma... Welcome to the community. I'm sorry that your granddaughter is struggling with addiction. It's so hard to watch someone you love suffer. I know, because my son was addicted to drugs, including heroin, for several years before finding recovery.

    Continuing to love and support your granddaughter is the best thing you can do. The bottom line is that she is the only one who can decide to end the cycle of drug abuse. It doesn't matter how much you or anyone else wants her to stop. It's up to her.

    Have you sat down with your granddaughter and had a heart-t0-heart talk with her about her addiction? If you haven't--and I'm guessing you probably have--it might be a good thing. Talk to her in a loving, empathetic way and explain how concerned you are about her health and well-being. And tell her how her drug use makes you feel.

    There's a terrific book out there called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It was written specifically for loved ones of addicts. It offers great tips on how to communicate better with an addict and how to help motivate them to change. It's the best book I've ever read on the subject. You may want to pick it up and read it.

    I will keep you and your granddaughter in my thoughts and prayers. Although there's only so much you can do, please don't ever give up hope. Never ever.

    Peace and hugs to you, my friend. Thank you for sharing with us. And know that we are here to help and support you any way we can.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I am sorry you hear about what you are going through with your grand daughter. It is so difficult to watch our loves ones destroying their lives and we have to sit back and watch. My heart breaks for you Broken Gma. I am glad that you are there to help and support her in anyway you can. I agree with you there is always hope. You can't give up on her. I hope being in jail gives her time to get her head clear and to maybe get on the road to recovery when she gets out. Keeping your granddaughter and you in my prayers! Hugs!
    deanokat likes this.
  5. simplyv2u

    simplyv2u Member

    I know what you are going through Broken Gma. I have a son who has been incarcerated multiple times; has been a heroin addict for the past 11 years; has stolen from family and friends; and ruined his marriage. He has also been to rehab numerous times - both court ordered rehab and long-term treatment after a failed suicide attempt in 2010. My heart aches for you, as well as for your granddaughter. This is a tough road, and unless you have lived through it, it is difficult to understand. We live their pain with them; yet, we cannot ease their suffering. We can only be there to love and support them no matter what and let them know that we will never abandon them or stop loving them. I myself have been accused of being "the ultimate enabler" because I refuse to walk away from my son and treat him as if he were some type of animal who does not deserve love, affection and compassion. I cannot imagine the torment an addict must go through in their own mind to lead them down this path. We are called upon to care for the sick and to ease the suffering of those in need. We cannot lose sight of the fact that drug dependency is an illness and we can never lose hope for recovery.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. sillylucy

    sillylucy Community Champion

    I am so sorry to hear about your granddaughter. I know that she is just hurting you, but realize that this is a cry for help.. Don't let the family enable her any longer. Get her to accept treatment and let her know that you see she is in pain. A sincere conversation and a cut off of funds will help her hit rock bottom and want treatment.
  7. Broken Gma

    Broken Gma Member

    My Grandaughter is supposed to be released from jail December 3! Her mother does not want her back in the house! She has no job...was let go! No car...was reposed! I just cancelled payment of her cell! I am terrified of what will happen to her homeless in Ohio in the winter! I am fighting with my daughter about this, but can also understand why she feels she doesn't want her back home! I just can not stand the thought of her without a home in the winter! I am praying, a lot for peace but it eludes me! I have read countless posts about enabling and co dependency but this grandmother can't find any peace at all! Everyone else in the fMily has written her off and don't want anything to do with her! Help is much needed!
  8. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    Hi! First of all, welcome to the forum! I'm glad you found us. Anyway, I am seriously praying with you. Praying for your granddaughter, her mom and your family. I hope that her mother changes her mind and still accepts your granddaughter at your house. I think that it is at this time that she needs more love and support than ever. Have you tried having a heart to heart talk with your granddaughter? All of you as a family? Maybe some communication can help with this problem.

    And I think that continuing rehab is her only option if her mom won't let her in the house. Maybe there's a facility there that can take her in. I am truly sorry for all the problems that you have. But this will all pass, she just needs to be treated and helped. Pray, pray and pray more. Good luck and keep us posted!
  9. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    I'm glad to see that you haven't given up on her. That's what we as addicts need the most sometimes, someone who will stick by our sides and believe in our abilities to get clean, even when we don't think it's possible ourselves.

    As long as you're not giving her money for it, then I don't see you as an enabler. You can support someone and their journey and still not be happy with what they are doing.

    As for rehab, I just don't think that it works for everyone. The hardness of jail is another thing, though. Sometimes that's for the best because it can force someone to stay clean and to think about all of the things that they've done to get where they are.

    You and your granddaughter will be in my thoughts, and I really hope that she'll be able to get over this part of her life.
  10. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Hello there! Although you said there's nothing you can do for your granddaughter, please believe that there is hope yet. It seems like you're shouldering this burden alone. What of your other relatives? I'm sure if you solicit their help, they'd be willing to assist you. They also have a responsibility towards your granddaughter.

    As for your granddaughter, she has to be in the right kind of environment. Have you talked to her heart to heart? Perhaps she needs to be reassured first that there are people who'll be there for me. She must have felt lonely and alone. A sincere talk with her grandmother would make a lot of difference.
  11. Broken Gma

    Broken Gma Member

    First of all...thank you all so much for all the kind words and much appreciated support! It is what my broken heart needed!!! Sadly...besides myself and my husband, the rest of the family have written my Grandaughter as a hopeless case! No I never give her money...when she was home the only thing I did for her was give her emotional support, buy her cigarettes, and pay for her cell phone, which I just turned off because the majority of her phone use was to drug dealers, and her addict friends! I have on numerous occasions offered to take her to meetings and offered to stay with her, but she always has an excuse not to go! As I stated before her mother has said she does not want to return to the family home when she is released from jail because she has stolen so much from her! I can not have her in my home, as I babysit my other 5 years old Grandaughter when her parents are at work, and I can not expose this little one to the cousin she loves so much! I will continue to talk to Grandaughter about returning to rehab when she is released! I wish I could love her well, but I can't! I pray for her numerous times throughout my days and will never give up hope for her recovery! But for now, I'm grateful she's in jail, and I know at least she's alive! Thank you again!
    deanokat likes this.
  12. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Broken Gma... I will continue to pray for your granddaughter. And for you. I can tell that you are a very kind soul. Bless you.

    Peace and hugs.
    Broken Gma likes this.
  13. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    I'm praying for her, that's awful. I'm really sorry you're going through that and that she is suffering. I hope she has a wake up call and gets help and free from her bondage.
    Broken Gma and deanokat like this.
  14. JonnyMacdonald

    JonnyMacdonald Community Champion

    My heart breaks when I hear stories like this.
    I am positive your granddaughter is a wonderful human being, I really hate the evil power addiction has on good people. I have felt that icy grip of death myself, that voice that compels you to sin to get your fix.

    She is lucky she still has your support and love. I will pray that she will see the light and will take you up on your advice and help and truly want to get clean.

    God bless your soul, keep loving and trying to help just be careful and know that drugs make good people do awful things.
    Broken Gma and deanokat like this.
  15. knitmehere

    knitmehere Community Champion

    You sound like a very sweet woman and one day she'll look back and realize that she was lucky to have you on her side throughout all of this. Addicts are sometimes blind to the people around them and how much effort those people put in. One day she'll be appreciative.
    Broken Gma and deanokat like this.
  16. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @Broken Gma Hello and thank you for sharing your story to us in this forum! It is really very frustrating and sometimes hopeless to see a love one struggling in addiction. You are a very loving grandmother because you are still there for your granddaughter even though all the members of your family had turned their back on her. Just be strong and have that faith in God to guide you and your granddaughter both in your life journey. Just keep in mind that the sun is always there to shine and to give light if we are experiencing darkness in our life. Keep on praying and never lose hope for your granddaughter's recovery. God bless you more...
    Broken Gma and deanokat like this.
  17. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    BrokenGma, my heart goes out to you with the struggle you are having. I am praying for some sort of favourable resolution. You are a stuck between a rock and a hard place and you ought to be commended for caring and not giving up on your grandchild. Like you I am always hopeful. I truly pray for a happy ending. Whatever happens make sure you take care of you.
    Broken Gma and deanokat like this.
  18. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Broken Gma... How are you doing, my friend? I continue to send positive vibes and virtual hugs your way. We are here for you anytime you need us. :)
    Broken Gma likes this.
  19. BrandonA

    BrandonA Active Contributor

    Never give up hope. Someone's deliverance can come literally out of nowhere; one day rough, the next day free and clear. You never know what influence or what casually dropped word can change a mind and heart.
    deanokat likes this.
  20. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    I've seen heroin addiction in action, it's not pretty. And going without it seems to make some people so miserable that they have a hard time pushing through to full recovery, but... it can be done. There is always hope. Your granddaughter has fallen into a trap that many have fallen into; they get hurt, get prescribed medication, and after the prescription is no longer available, they turn to street drugs.

    But she can make it out of it. Pray for her, and be there for her in anyway that you can. It's kind of hard to be there for her financially because you don't know if she will use the money for drugs.

    I would say that when she does get out of jail, that you try not to speak to her about heroin. I think a lot of well-meaning family members are so worried about their recovering family member going back to drugs, that all they do is talk about the drug that the addict is trying to forget.
    "Are you sure you're not using? When you get out of jail, you can't go back to using heroin. I'm worried about you using heroin again. Stop using heroin, it's bad for you. Heroin makes you a bad mother. Do any of those friends you hang around with do heroin?"

    And on and on it goes. I would say, as much as possible, try to avoid even using the word heroin around a heroin addict. I know it can be hard, but try to talk about other things.

    When she gets out of jail, and she's clean for 2 or 3 days, try to avoid using phrases like, "See, 2 days without heroin, don't you feel better?" or "I hope you'll stay off the heroin this time."

    Talk about something else.

    Your granddaughter can make it through this test. It will be a struggle, a challenge, and a fight, but she can do it.
    Broken Gma and deanokat like this.