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Heroin Stealing My Daughter’s Life

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Worriedmother, Jul 12, 2018.

  1. Worriedmother

    Worriedmother Member

    I am new here. I had not seen my 20 year old daughter in over a year. Not for lack of trying. Her father called me in May to say she is addicted to Heroin and he was bringing her to detox. They sent her to the hospital because they said she was very sick. When I got there, she was temporarily blind and screaming in pain. She had 103 fever. She was diagnosed with Endocarditis. A staph infection was introduced to her blood when shooting up. She had vegetation on both heart valves. The emboli were thrown from her heart to her brain which gave her multiple strokes, collapsed lungs, blood infection, and pain everywhere. She received IV antibiotics for eight weeks round the clock. I stayed in a chair next to her bed for the two months in the hospital. She got better and the doctor’s told her most patients with this don’t make it. She had been doing three grams of heroin a day, smoking crack, cocaine, etc. I would have thought this would have put such a scare into her. She said she doesn’t regret doing it and that when she went to get clean, it was just so she could do heroin again and get a high since she had reached a tolerance. The surgeon said her heart valves are damaged and she needs open heart surgery. She is in Rehab and won’t return my calls. I am worried sick that once she gets out she will use again. They told her if she uses, the infection will return and she may die. She said she isn’t scared to die. I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop crying and everyone is telling me to prepare myself for her death. I can’t. I just can’t. I appreciate anyone’s comments. Thank you.
    True concern likes this.
  2. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Wow i am so sorry to hear this,its made me tear up.I will be writing something deeper here soon.Stay Strong and God Bless
    deanokat likes this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion


    Is your daughter 20 year's old right now?3 gram's of heroin a day is enough to kill addicts with tolerances i can't imagine have been reached by the age of 20 year's old.I had a tolerance of just over 2 gram's a day and i nearly died several times,my heart hurts and my mind is spinning trying to figure out some way to help her.First off she NEEDS (SUBOXONE)AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.It will keep her from getting sick from withdrawal and allow her time to physically also it has an ingredient in it that will not allow heroin to get her high anymore.There is some deep trauma here,something happened to her somewhere at sometime that should have never happened,or at least it seems that way to me.I am just passed 6 month's sober and i so wish i could talk to her directly,myself.At this dose with these medical problems something needs to happen immediately before its to late.I devote myself everyday to trying to help anyone,everyone i can to better understand and see,also i try to help them find the good within themselves and i was a person who chased death for20+ year's.By the grace of God and the efforts of other's i am still alive and i am grateful,so i understand her want to give up at this point.She probably feels its to late to change or save her life but she would be WRONG in assuming that.I hope this young lady lives with you and there is a fine line between helping an addicted loved one and enabling their addiction.She NEEDS to be home where she can have a chance to survive and i know that may not be what you want to hear but according to what i've read at this time she needs some stability otherwise she will die on the street's.If you let her live with you she will still use,at that tolerance she has to or the detox will kill her.If she lives under your roof at least you are there incase she hits the floor and that is not fair to you or your husband however this is your daughter and i pray you fight with her,for her life.I have so many emotions going through me right now i must think more and i will no doubt type more but i have to think.SUBOXONE WILL SAVE HER LIFE.......AT THIS TIME IT'S A MUST
  4. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Prepare to help save her life not prepare for her death.Do Not give up on your Living Child Without A Fight For Her Life
    Worriedmother and deanokat like this.
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Josh111187 @Jai50 @deanokat @Dominica @lonewolves @Cametobelieve0202 Please help me with this one it's very heavy and hard for me.Please.Advise,encourage,explain,support,book's to read,places to turn.I understand the drug but you guy's are better with resources.This young woman is 20 year's old please help me with this.You guy's always do but i tagged you all tonight because this one has me all messed up
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Worriedmother

    Hello and welcome. I am truly sorry for what you're having to go through . As a mother of adult children, I do understand worry about losing a child to addiction. However, your situation is much different than mine.

    I wish there was something that I could say that could ease your pain. The reality is that it is very scary as a parent of an addicted child. Especially a child who seems so self destructive. My best advice is to surround yourself with a solid Support Network. For some people that's getting a therapist, or attending support group such as al-anon or nar-anon. And perhaps reading a daily devotions having to do with practicing self-care. Melody Beattie has a good daily devotional. Just keeping something positive FOR YOU before your eyes.

    I am glad that she is in rehab, and my prayer is that they can reach her at her deepest level.

    I'm sure it does feel awful to feel so powerless over this situation. Bless it. I'm sure it does feel awful and crying is ok... If you don't want to prepare for the worst, then don't.... Believe for the best and try to take care of you...best as you can emotionally...as I imagine it's a daily struggle.

    Please know that we're here to support you however we can. Come here anytime to share, and even if we just listen, know that you've got a group of people that want the best for you and your family.

    I'm truly sorry that you have to go through this. Addiction doesn't make sense sometimes and we don't always know the answers as to why. Despite the ache, we must go on.
  7. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Hi @Worriedmother, I’m so sorry that your family is suffering right now. Your daughter may be depressed if she welcomes death, and I hope they are helping her in multiple ways in rehab. I also hope that the sobriety will change her mind about using again when she gets out. Like True Concern said, don’t give up! But also don’t throw your own life away in the process.
    Worriedmother and deanokat like this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community, @Worriedmother. As the father of an adult son who's in his 20s and has struggled with addiction for more than a decade, I can relate to a lot of what you're feeling. I know this is incredibly hard for you. You are not alone. @True concern, @Dominica, and @lonewolves have already given you some great advice and insight, and that's a wonderful thing.

    It's a very good thing that your daughter is in rehab. And the fact that she doesn't return your calls isn't necessarily a bad thing. A lot of times, people in rehab are so focused on themselves that they kind of cut off contact with the outside world. I'm hoping that's the case with your daughter.

    I think Suboxone would be a good thing for your daughter, but unless the rehab she's in practices medication-assisted treatment (MAT), she probably isn't getting it. Going forward, when your daughter gets out of rehab, it may be something for her/you to look into. Seeing an addiction specialist for follow-up treatment would probably be a very good thing.

    I don't know if your daughter will be living with you or not, but I would highly recommend that you get some naloxone (also known as Narcan) and have it on hand. It's available at most pharmacies now, as an injection or nasal spray. Naloxone works by blocking or reversing the effects of opioids and can save someone's life in the event of a heroin overdose. You should have it handy at all times.

    Definitely try to practice some self-care, too. Yes, your daughter is very sick. But you have to take care of yourself so that you can be there for her. If you allow her condition to totally consume you, you can't help her deal with her situation. I always like to use the pre-flight instructions you get before you take off on a plane as an example: In the event of an emergency, put YOUR OWN oxygen mask on first; THEN try to help others. Because if you don't take care of yourself first, you will be useless and everyone will suffer.

    Definitely look into Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or SMART Recovery Family & Friends meetings. You can find all of those groups online, and their websites will tell you where meetings are. (They have online meetings, too.) Also, think about doing some reading on the subject of addiction. Education can be super helpful when dealing with a loved one who struggles with addiction. Here's a link to some books that I think could really help you:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    Please know that we are here to help, support, and listen to you. Anytime you need to, you can come here and lean on us. We are a group of people who truly care, and we will always listen without judgment. You are safe here, my friend.

    Addiction is a horrible disease, and it's a family disease that affects many more than just the person who has it. I know this is a very difficult time for you (and your husband). Please know that it's okay to feel all of the things you're feeling. And it's okay to cry. But remember to take care of you. Because your life is important, too. And if you allow yourself to become addicted to your daughter's addiction, the disease will destroy both of you. And we don't want that to happen.

    Lastly, don't give up hope. Because where there is life, there is always hope.

    Sending you love, light, and truckloads of HOPE. And I'm keeping you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers. Please, please, please reach out to us anytime, okay?
    Worriedmother and True concern like this.
  9. Worriedmother

    Worriedmother Member

    She is only 20 years old. She said she tried Suboxone before when she was trying to get clean but it didn’t work. She is trying Methadone. I wish she lived with me but she won’t and is living with her father who doesn’t keep a close eye on her as he is not home very much. She did have trauma when she was 10. I was married to someone else and had no idea what he was doing to her because I was in the hospital. I didn’t find out until two years later, well after we had divorced for other reasons. She thinks I knew but I didn’t. Our relationship is strained because of this.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  10. Worriedmother

    Worriedmother Member

    Thank you so much for helping me with this. I really appreciate it.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  11. Worriedmother

    Worriedmother Member

    It is very hard. My boyfriend says I need to go to counseling to help me deal with this but I am not sure.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  12. Worriedmother

    Worriedmother Member

    Thank you so much for the great advice. I am leting this consume me and think about it constantly. I need to change that to be able to help her.
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  13. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I understand and I'm so sorry that happened to her.Something I assume to be similar happened to me as well between 4_6 somewhere. And shevlied suboxone does work but eliminate the ability to get high.Methadone is just your first dose of heroin every morning. It will not help it will actually increase the craving for heroin
    deanokat likes this.
  14. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Ur boyfriend is correct
    deanokat likes this.
  15. Worriedmother

    Worriedmother Member

    I wondered about that because she mentioned people still use on it so it kind of defeats the purpose of taking it. She also said there are drug dealers outside the Methadone clinics to sell to people on the way out. She has a lot of anger and will scream and swear at me. She has a problem with lieing her whole life. She said to me once that she knows how to manipulate people to get what she wants. When she was a teenager she lived with me and would hit me, punch me, knock me down, swear at me. She is very destructive and has punched holes in the walls, cabinets, etc. She knows I am afraid of her and she has been arrested once for punching me until I fell in court and they arrested her and took her to Juvie. Nothing helps her with this problem. They say she is bipolar but she refuses to take meds. All through her teen years she has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals. She quit school at 16 and had a baby. She was seeing her daughter but then drugs took over. The father moved to Georgia with her and my daughter doesn’t seem to care. She has such a temper that while in the hospital, she would either be screaming and swearing at me or someone on the phone that people come running in the room to see what happened and she tells them to get the Fxxx out. Every other word is F this and F that. I am not like that and feel I have failed as a mother. She told me that I am the reason she does drugs.
    True concern likes this.
  16. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    You are not the reason its the trauma shevmay blame that on you but that's neither here nor there we have to get her better first.methadone yes you can still get high on it and many dealer's exchange numbers there so methadone clinics are bad news.I Promise you Suboxone is an opioid antagonist eliminating the sick detox and blocks the ability to get high.I would love to talk to her on here
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  17. Worriedmother

    Worriedmother Member

    Her father gave her the phone she had with the people that she did drugs with phone numbers in it. She had forgotten their numbers due to her strokes. I found out she was in contact with these people before going to rehab. I and many others told her she has to break away from these people to stay clean. She just cries and says she needs these people. I am on permanent disability and don’t make much money. I wanted to get a car so I can see her more but financially I can’t right now. She will be living over an hour and a half away when she gets out of rehab. When she hears I can’t get a car, she is going to cut me out of her life. I would still be able to see her a few times a week but I know she won’t be happy with that. I don’t know what to do because then I wouldn’t know what she is doing or be able to help her.
  18. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    i'm sure her words hurt you, but please try not to take them personal. addiction and mental disease is not your fault... i understand as a mother we tend to think when our kids aren't doing well, it's our fault. that may not be the case...

    I truly am sorry you're going through this.
  19. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    I think counseling is always a good option.... are you able to find a therapist and go?
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  20. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Worriedmother... Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach us this about our loved one's addiction: "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it." Those words could not be any truer. So please don't let your daughter's hurtful words get to you too much. This is NOT your fault!

    I agree that counseling would be a great thing for you. When I was dealing with the worst part of my son's addiction, I went to therapy. And I'm pretty sure my therapist probably saved my life. Definitely think about giving it a try, okay?
    lonewolves and Dominica like this.