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He's a meth addict

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Never_realized, Jun 9, 2017.

  1. I've been with him for a little over 2 years, friends for 10. Believing he was clean and sober when we started dating and things were great, we fell in love and I moved in with him. After a year of being together I discovered he was using again, thinking he had just relapsed, I confronted him, got rid of all the stuff associated with it that I found in the house. We had a long heart to heart, he swore he could stop and not to tell his family. Believing the best of the man I loved I agreed, and started trying to help him get clean in any way I could, not realizing the true magnitude of his addiction. Things started getting tense between his family and I, seemingly without cause. He told me they didn't agree with us living together(after a year and a half) because we weren't married, and they wanted me to move out...ok I moved out, we still spent all of our free time together. Then I got a threatening call from his grandfather not to be back at the house or else, so we just hung out at my apartment. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, he was still being the loving boyfriend I had known all along. I even asked him if he wanted to end things and was using his family because I would've made it easy and left if that's what he wanted, he assured me he did not and that he loved me, and everything would be ok. He sent me motivational songs, told me to be strong, that he loved me, etc. He was pulled over for speeding last Sunday at 3am, he had left my apartment at 1am and told me he was home at 1:30...he was arrested for possession and taken to jail, his dad called me the next morning to let me know because the other side of his family would not. And I have been a wreck ever since, his mom/sister/grandpa won't allow contact with him and have been very much blaming me and what not. They hate me because I knew but they've known for at least 2 months and did nothing until the arrest and it was made public. I called his business where he's being guarded by family members at all times, he took the phone away from his sister so I could talk to him, told me he was sorry and he loved me, and started silence in the days that followed. His mom told me not to try contacting him anymore, he was being sent to rehab after his court date. After some crazy accusations of cheating were told to me about him I had to see him, I went to the business and tried to talk to him thru his mom yelling at me. He said it wasn't true, and I started crying and he called me babe hugged me. His grandpa then threatened to call the police on me, so I had to leave. His mom told me he didn't loved me and was never going to marry me, along with a bunch of other stuff that didn't add up to what I had known...I don't know what to believe because I don't trust them either, there are lots of half truths and whole lies, and contradictory stories from all sides. I love this man with all my heart and fully believed he was the my whole world is crashing and I can't even talk to him at all...I'm hoping to get that chance when he's done with rehab tho.

    I don't even know what I'm asking for, just to know I'm not alone I guess. Best steps from here?
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Never_realized... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm so sorry to hear about the situation you're in. There's no doubt that loving someone who struggles with addiction is one of the most difficult and challenging things a person can do. You are definitely not alone. There are millions of people who are in a situation similar to yours.

    An important thing to remember is what Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach us about a loved one's addiction: "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it." Unfortunately, the addict is the only person who can decide to improve their life and fight the beast that has control over them.

    I think you should consider finding a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting in your area and attending. It can be very helpful and comforting to be among people who know exactly what you're going through and feeling. You may also want to educate yourself on addiction. The more you know, the better prepared you are to make decisions. There are a lot of books out there that can be super helpful. Here's a blog I wrote that talks about some of my favorites:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    The most important thing you can do right now is to take good care of YOU. You can't allow yourself to become addicted to your boyfriend's addiction. If you do that, both of you will suffer immensely. You have to take care of YOURSELF, because you are and always will be the most important person in your life.

    I will keep you and your boyfriend in my thoughts and prayers. And I'm sending you both positive, healing vibes, along with tons of hope.
    Lostboy8731 likes this.
  3. Brooklynd777

    Brooklynd777 Member

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this, as I find myself in a similar situation. It’s complete chaos and makes no sense. All we want is to love the person we’re with and live a happy, normal life with the person we love. But unfortunately, it seems when you love an addict, that’s not how it goes.
    As for his family, maybe they are trying to spare you a life of hurt by wanting you to leave him? I’m sorry you’re going through this heartbreak too. I really believe prayer works, keep praying, but try not to lose yourself in his addiction.
    Lostboy8731 and deanokat like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Brooklynd777... Sending you lots of positive, healing vibes, too, along with a truckload of hope.