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Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by peachydust, Apr 13, 2019.

  1. peachydust

    peachydust Active Contributor

    I am so sorry, I have neglected you all.

    I lost track of how many days clean I have, but I haven’t used since 8-5-18

    I have completely stopped having terrible mood swings. Omg, I was such a goddamned bitch when I was abusing cocaine. I’d snap in a second, for no reason.

    I can breathe again. My nose still runs quite a bit, but not nearly as bad and I don’t get blocked up anymore. I used to wake up with crusted nostrils and I’d blow my nose until awful stuff cane out if it. Sorry, I know it’s gross, but it is true.

    My career is just amazing and getting better everyday. The career I never could have had if I hadn’t quit drugs.

    I got married last month. We had a small wedding in our newly purchased home and only invited family and a few friends. My husband is the most amazing man.

    I hope this all doesn’t sound brag-like. I don’t mean it that way. My life is far from perfect. I gained about 20 pounds, and it’s been an I’m en struggle for me. The very reason I started abusing drugs was because of my extreme body dysmorphia, my eating disorders, and my fear of obesity. I look normal to others, but I see nothing but fat in the mirror. I’m working on it.

    The point, though, is that I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I did cocaine from the moment I woke until the moment I slept every single day for at least 15 years. I lied, stole, and did unspeakable things to support my habit and appear as functional as possible.

    But my life flipped when I quit. I only wish the same joy to all of you that continue to struggle. I thought I was hopeless, but I was wrong.

    It gets better, I promise.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  2. liliann

    liliann Senior Contributor

    Hi Peachydust
    It was so great to read your update. All best wishes for your marriage!
    And wow, time goes fast...almost a year you're clean! I can so relate to the 20 lbs...i gained 22 lbs and cannot even look in a mirror!
    Today I broke the ice and went walking. The pain is so great of the weight gain! I've got to get it off. Maybe we can support each other in that. You know addiction is a thread runs through every area of my life and they say that the drugs are just a symptom. A lot of truth in that.
    I'm so glad you are happy at work, at home, and clean!
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  3. peachydust

    peachydust Active Contributor

    @liliann i would love to get healthy with support! And support you as well. I went running today, and it was tough. I died after 2.2 miles. When I was using, I’d run 7 miles no problem. It’s a huge ego blow as well.

    But I won’t let it defeat me. And neither will you. We were in shape once, and we will be again.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  4. liliann

    liliann Senior Contributor

    I used to be a runner. I ran a few marathons (slowly) many, many years ago. Nothing gets you in shape faster (and we love that instant gratification) than running. Unfortunately, when I turned 50 I had to get my hips replaced from running and arthritis so I can't ever run again (I can in the pool though). So, I'm able to support your running.
    Just easy does it...I don't know how old you are (I am now 58) but I think 3 miles is enough and you're almost there.
    I already have you as a friend on this site. How is your diet now?
    I have been doing the Whole 30 mostly to get sugar and dairy out of my diet but cheated yesterday and today with junk sugar stuff.
    Back on track tomorrow!
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  5. peachydust

    peachydust Active Contributor

    I’m 37, 38 in June.

    I didn’t realize you could add friends on this site, I will add you as well.

    My diet is fairly decent. I’m a pescatarian, I eat mostly vegetables and fish. I eat a little too much hummus with my crudités. I almost never cheat, but we went on our honeymoon two weeks ago on a cruise and well... I ate very poorly.

    We just bought a treadmill, and I can’t wait until it gets here so that I can run and watch tv or walk up an incline and read.

    How long did you use for, @liliann ? How long have you been clean? Just curious, but no need to answer.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @peachydust so wonderful to hear all your good news! very proud of you and happy for you!!!

    ha. i hear you about eating on a cruise... so much good stuff!!

    @liliann the whole 30? sounds interesting!

    glad both of you are wanting to live a balanced life... i'm right there with you!! (oh, and running is out for me too... after 40, hips hurt. i do bike ride and hit the gym occasionally).

    have a great day!
    peachydust likes this.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Your update warmed my heart, @peachydust. And don't worry if it sounds like bragging. You are sharing the positive things that have happened to you since you got clean, and that's a wonderful thing! I'm so proud of you, and happy for all of the good things that have come your way!

    You're more than 8 months clean, my dear! That's AMAZING!!! Just keep going!

    I hope you and @liliann can be supportive of each other as you both try to lose a little weight.

    Happy Monday to you both! Have a great week!!! :)
    peachydust likes this.
  8. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @peachydust I am emotional reading this, I am so proud of you and so happy for you,YOU deserve this beautiful life you now have and I just can't say enough how incredibly excited I am to hear this.Your Amazing :)
    peachydust and deanokat like this.
  9. peachydust

    peachydust Active Contributor

    Thank you for all these nice responses!

    My treadmill arrived last Saturday and I’m proud to say I used it every day this week. I find that exercise really helps with more than just trying to get back in shape. It helps put negative thoughts at ease and set my mind right.

    I will continue to stay away from the drugs and focus on all the positive changes I’ve made in my life.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Just don't over run and blow out your knee,I only say this because I did that exact thing and it was the start of my recent set back but I have since started physical therapy after knee surgery and I am back in the fight for sobriety. Stay Strong my friend and God Bless you
    deanokat likes this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    That's fabulous, @peachydust! Exercise can be a huge help in recovery. When your body's endorphins get flowing from physical exercise, it can really take care of cravings. Plus, you're getting healthier, too! Proud of you. Keep it up! :)
    True concern likes this.