You know I agree with you that that is not acceptable.
I'm still not ever going to give my opinion on someone else's personal life and the choices that they make, as that person is the only one that is capable of making a decision that they feel good about. I will only give opinions about how I feel. And state facts. Here is a fact known all over the world. In 131 countries, in 65 different languages, at least, and this is accurate as of May 2010 I'm holding my NA big book in my lap right now. Recovering addicts must stay away from people, places, and things, that they used to use with and around, lest they risk losing their clean time and relapse eventually to end up in one of three places, jails, institutions, or death! (I added the exclamation point)
Personally I have found this to be true, every single time I went to see this particular friend I used to have- who might as well be dead for all the good he's worth, as hes lost about 80% brain function and it's permanent-I would say to whomever I was living with at the time I'm going to go and check on...so and so, I ended up using. Swearing up and down there was no way he could talk me into it. Because I was staying clean this time. I would eventually become so angry I would go over there just to prove to them that I could go and just check on and knowing he was probably high help him somehow and come home sober.
This happened exactly 5 times, and I have the paperwork to prove it. I went to just check on him 5 times and 5 times I woke up in jail. Why, why, why?
Subconsciously I must have wanted to use, not go to jail, but why didn't after the second, third, even FOURTH, time did I still refuse to believe everyone?
Why did I really think I could help him when everytime I went over I had not even been clean long enough to go into withdrawals, for me that's a couple hours, maybe.
What I'm getting at is relationships can be like habits, eventually we don't even realize what we're doing. Kinda like biting your nails, or walking into a dark room you're familiar with and reaching out to touch the light switch without even noticing that you don't have to search for it.
Monday some car parts came fed ex to me. I was so excited that night I couldn't sleep. So I eventually decided to go and open the boxes, and jumped out of bed and bolted across the dark room for the switch as had done thousands of times. I tripped and fell over the boxes that I was thinking about. Did I feel dumb!
Well I use that analogy not to preach to you but to encourage you to stick with your decision if that's what you want. I don't want to hear about you tripping and falling, you have a really big heart I think. And you deserve happiness.
God bless.
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