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Hi, my names Frank...

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by ZenGuy, Dec 18, 2018.

  1. ZenGuy

    ZenGuy Member

    I'm a 39 y.o male, kicked a severe crack addiction like 4 years ago but then got addicted to percs and oxys back in early 2017 following a motorcycle accident.
    Recently quit the pills but after several weeks I caved in and went on a multi-day perc binge --it sucks because I wasn't even craving them but the problem is that I've been experiencing crushing depression, anxiety, and complete anhedonia since I quit. But tomorrow I'm going abstinent again.
    This really sucks, I have no idea what to do. I've been told that it can take years for the brain's chemistry to get back to normal and I'm not sure if I can cope with that.
    Back in 2014 I miraculously quit the crack after years of struggling, I mean, speaking for myself, I was the stereotypical hard core "crack head", I lived for the sole purpose of getting high and nothing more. And I quit it without 12 steps or anything else, amazingly just let it go. And then I relied on a meditation practice and exercise to be happy. But these pills are a different beast, its terrible.
    And to make matters worse, I've cut off the few friends that I did have because they are all on drugs, etc., I'm single, and my family (Mom, etc.) are all incredibly dysfunctional. Put simply, I have no support system and my life's pretty much a raging dumpster fire as it is, which makes this process all the more complicated. And I'm uninsured which, for me, means I haven't the resources for quality rehab or suboxone treatment. So I'm all alone in this thing right now.
    During the course of dealing with other addictions in the past, I've done pretty much *all* the recovery stuff, been there done that: 12 steps, inpatient treatment, outpatient treatment, treatment in prisons, detoxes, sober living houses, etc., etc., but none of the stuff that I learned from those experiences helps with the misery that followed quitting the pills. This is so frustrating! I could quit if it weren't for that!
    At this point in my life I simply want to create a sober, happy healthy, functional life, find someone to love, etc., just salvage whatever's left of it. But its not so simple now, these pills...
    Okay, I'll close for now..
    deanokat likes this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Hey, Frank (@ZenGuy)... Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing with us. I replied to the post you made in another thread, so please look for that. And know that we're here to offer up help, support, or just a place for you to vent. You are not alone, my brother! We're here and we care!