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Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by notanangel, Apr 29, 2018.

  1. notanangel

    notanangel Member

    Hi

    My name is Holly and I'm addicted to codeine. I've been using on and off for two years, which I know isn't long compared to other people. I only used it for real pain before, but after losing my job I got depressed and have been self medicating. It's not at its worst level now - at one point I was taking 6 or 7 tablets four times a day, how the hell I survived I don't know - but it can't carry on. I'm functional and hide it well, but still. I know I can't carry on with this.

    I posted on another forum and have recieved good advice, but I think I'd benefit from hearing from other addicts and people in recovery as well. At the moment I'm planning on tapering down at the end of next week, but I'm scared. I don't want to go cold turkey as I get so low while doing it, and I start a new job Monday. I usually take my dad's prescription (awful I know) but have ran out and ordered online. It was too easy, and now I'm tempted to order more. I know I need to change but keep making excuses and minimising things. I need some support, and probably some straight talking tough love as well.

    I haven't got much RL support. The Dr is out as I don't want to jeopardize my employment chances, me and my parents don't have a great relationship, and logistically getting to NA would be difficult as the nearest one is 25 miles from me and I don't drive. I'm grasping at straws as I need to change but can't see a way out.
    True concern likes this.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @notanangel hey there! thanks for posting! i think i responded elsewhere, but hope more people will pipe in here.

    i hope you're having a good day.....
    True concern likes this.
  3. notanangel

    notanangel Member

    My day's going ok thanks :) I'm still using atm but looking to stop it next week. I had a good nights sleep once I finally got off to sleep ... at 3am, not so good. I start my new job tomorrow so lot's to keep me busy today, I've washed and ironed my clothes ready, got my lunch ready for tomorrow and just starting to do dinner now.
    True concern likes this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    It's good that you are honest to yourself and to other's about your current addiction and quantity your currently abusing,it's also good that you understand it's out of control and you obviously see the potential for it to get worse.This is a little difficult for me to offer great advice simply because you stated that you are starting a new job monday which means your stress levels are about to elevate making it even harder to achieve the cut back method,i encourage you to try and only say that due to personal experience,however if you truly want this you can do it.I advise you look at your new job as light in an otherwise dark situation,if you really want to see that light get brighter then you will be able to cut down but you must take it seriously and if i we're you i would cut the quantity daily and though cold turkey is very hard i advise you after tapering down all week long when you get to the weekend and have 2 day's off in a row cease the moment and quit completely,it will be a misreable weekend there is no doubt about it but the following week when you go back to work each and everyday will appear brighter and by the end of that week you can look in the mirror and smile bigger then ever knowing you did not become a statistic and you were able to overcome something that we all know is a trap that only expands its hold on you the longer it's a part of your life.I'm rooting for you and believe in my heart your light will continue to brighten as the day's go on.If you ever need motivation and feel you can't do it just take a second to read my story,i have not told it but i will be doing that here in about 20 min if i could do it you can as well,i only say that because by the grace of God i beat my addiction's which trapped me for roughly 20 year's.StayStrong We're all rooting for you
    Josh111187 and Dominica like this.
  5. notanangel

    notanangel Member

    Hi

    Things are getting out of control, it scares me when I think back to how many I used to take as it's really dangerous. Well done on your sobriety. Right now I can't imagine ever being happy and drug free. The job does complicate things, I agree. Part of me wants to start it tonight or tomorrow and have a fresh start. But I need to be on top form and at my best tomorrow and if I'm tapering off, or on withdrawal I won't be. I'm really loathe to go through full on withdrawal as physically and mentally it's tough. I was thinking of tapering and lowering the dose every week rather than every few days, do you think this would be going too slow?

    I'll definitely read your story, one of the reasons I came on here besides getting support was to gain inspiration from others experiences. I really don't want to become a statistic, I want to change and do great things with my life. I'm currently aiming to start tapering on Thursday
    True concern likes this.
  6. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    You have to be honest with yourself and by that i mean if you taper weekly the odds are you will actually increase your dose,i do understand the need to be at your best physically and mentally,i used to do exactly the same thing and i will be honest for me when i tried that after the paychecks started coming,well i would basically buy more and more until it got so bad i finally realized i was working to be able to buy pills so i could go to work.For me and im an extreme case it didn't work but i do understand the need to try.If thats your plan and you stick to it and don't use that money to party it up on your day's off it could work but you have to go in realistic and what i mean is on day's off atleast cut your dose in half regardless of the agony.If you really want to beat this you have to accept it's going to be hard.If you allow me to try and help you all i ask is you keep it real with me its the only way i can help.If you do more be honest if you cut back be honest,i don't judge i simply care and need honesty to be any good to your goal.I have posted my story maybe read it so you know alittle about me and understand i have been in very hard fights myself with addiction
  7. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    You said you want to do great things with your life and that makes me happy to know that,i think getting sober is a great thing and a wonderful place to start your greatness is right here sharing your struggle,it's never easy but its definitely great
    Dominica likes this.
  8. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @notanangel will be thinking of you tomorrow for your first day at work!! do you have any other support network you can rely on? a therapist? support group? might help...

    let us know how it goes tomorrow!
    True concern likes this.
  9. notanangel

    notanangel Member

    Thanks Dominica, I think I'll be relieved once tomorrow is over. I don't at the moment, I am looking into getting a therapist. It may be difficult though as I don't drive and rely on parents for lifts so might be hard keeping things secret. I could look into online therapy though
    Dominica likes this.
  10. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @notanangel thinking of you today on your first day of work!
  11. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I hope you had an amazing day at work today,i assume you're work day is complete by now and i am looking forward to hearing about it.When you get a minute let us know how thing's went,and again congratulations on your job
    Dominica likes this.
  12. notanangel

    notanangel Member

    Hi guys thank you for thinking of me :) My first day went really well, much better than I thought. Turns out I've got more responsibility than i thought - rather than just helping with queries I'm processing claims so that will be interesting. Fun day but tiring and fell asleep earlier on and not long woke up so trying to get back to sleep now. It was a really short day too, 9.30 until 3.30 so that was good as I missed the traffic getting home
  13. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Glad to hear that get some sleep we can talk more later,its got to be about 11:40 there or so.I must go start dinner for the family,you know how to get in touch with me if you need.Sleep well and just so you know I'm very proud of you
  14. notanangel

    notanangel Member

    Thank you and thanks for being so supportive to me, I think it is sign off and sleep time for now, chat tomorrow guys
    True concern likes this.
  15. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @notanangel yay about today!! that's great news!! sleep well!
  16. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Looking forward to hearing how thing's went today,day 3 that's awesome and i hope you have a simply amazing,terrific,fantastic,fairytail kind of day oh and I'm proud of you just for being you a displaying incredible courage on your journey.
    Dominica likes this.
  17. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @notanangel good morning! hope you have a blessed day!
    True concern likes this.
  18. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Good day looking forward to an update on work and other thing's.Hope all is well
  19. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    When you get a chance let us know how you are doing,remember we understand this isn't easy and there is no judgement here,i mean I'm on here giving advice and what have you yet I'm going to my first ever NA meeting that isn't court ordered and honestly i forged all those signatures so they don't count.I'm doing this tonight for me and i have mixed emotions about it but I think it's necessary I WANT MY LIFE BACK.So again just sharing honestly and openly is scary but so is the worry of an overdose.Im praying for you