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Holidays Push things to the Limit

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Mockingbird, Dec 26, 2014.

  1. Mockingbird

    Mockingbird Member

    I always dread the holidays, the worst seems to be Christmas. there is just so much stress and I never know what to expect when the day finally comes. This year was incredibly stressful Although my brother, who normally drinks to access, was relatively sober. It was not enough to stop the poor behavior from my parents. i watched my mother try to bait my brother into a disagreement that he caught right off. had he been drunk I am sure the chaos would have been worse.

    I don't know what to do except remove myself as politely as I can. It tears at you because the day is suppose to be special. It seldom is. i feel like I want to find a job or something that keeps me out of the family on holidays. Any suggestions for a solution?
  2. Fern

    Fern Active Contributor

    For me personally, I find avoidance to work best. I don't want a confrontation and confrontation with addicts is just not productive. I find that I feel more in control and less upset by actively choosing a holiday alone than I do when I have to leave the festivities miserable because of fights. A job works great. A celebration with friends or a trip to get away from it all is a possibility too. If you're religious at all, you could have a time of contemplation about the real meaning of the season...alone.
  3. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    No, Christmas seems to have lost all its magic and sparkle these days. Besides the blatant consumerism that has taken over, there is a societal expectation that you should be having a great time with all your loved ones. Of course, this is rarely the case. A job would be an excellent excuse to withdraw from the festivities. Alternatively, you could try volunteering to help the less fortunate next Christmas. This might help you regain a little bit of enthusiasm for the season.
    MrsJones likes this.
  4. Nichole W.

    Nichole W. Member

    Why not skip the holidays all together? Some of the best Christmas' I've had were spent family free on a trip. We explained to everyone that we would be gone over the holidays, and we scheduled time after we got back to get together for a nice meal. There was no chaos, no yelling, no drunk uncles making racist comments. I would thoroughly recommend it.
  5. JennyHeart

    JennyHeart Member

    The worst time of year for my daughter is the holidays. Christmas this year started out great. Toward the end of the holiday she had loaded up on too many sweet treats. She is addicted to sweets. It is harder for her since the medicine she is taking has been known to crave carbohydrates.
  6. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I think one can just drink moderately on those occasions if they cannot really avoid it. Better to not to drink too much even there are seem to be unlimited alcohol around during those holidays. Better to avoid giving alcoholic beverages as gifts too.
  7. GG88

    GG88 Member

    Speaking as an alcoholic who is sober for 5 years, most of my family members used to go away on trips over the holidays. Even though they never said as much I know now that it was because of my drinking.

    I was never what you would call an aggressive drunk, but to see me drunk must've been not only embarrassing, but distressing for my family, and any other guests they had at the time.

    I'm happy to say that Christmas 2014 is the second happy family Christmas we've spent together in 11 years. I understand totally what it must have been like for my family, and I would say that going away somewhere would be a great way to avoid having to deal with it.
    Mockingbird likes this.
  8. Mockingbird

    Mockingbird Member

    I am noticing that now that the holiday has passed that many people are sort of angry. I am not sure really why, if I were to guess maybe because there is nothing to look forward to like right before a holiday? Or maybe the holiday bills are starting to come in?

    It's hard not to slip into a feeling of depression, just getting thru the holiday was stressful enough. I had hoped to step into 2015 in a positive frame of mind, but really it looks like that might be a challenge. Has anyone else noticed people are grouchy?
  9. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    When chaos surrounds you and you're at a loss what to do, then I guess the best recourse is to stay away from the time being. Your absence may cause your parents and your brother to mull over their actions. They would know then and there that the arguments are driving you away. Of course, this does not have to be permanent. Once you've sorted yourself out, you can always return to the place. If you have enough courage to intervene and put an end to arguments in your home, then don't hesitate to do so. Your family needs a source of stability. You must be willing to take up this cudgel as it seems the other members aren't responsible enough.
  10. LostmySis

    LostmySis Senior Contributor

    Start spending the holidays with your partner or friends families. That is what I did to get away from the chaos. I allowed myself a great family celebration, it just was not my family. It is a very difficult situation, and it is not selfish to want to remove yourself from the stress. Some relationships are toxic, and they are not necessarily all romantic ones---families can be toxic as well. The vacation idea is a good one.... most places will still have some sort of Christmas/NYE celebration on a cruise or hotel. It will allow you to not feel as though you are walking on eggshells.

    Good luck, and remember, keep yourself sane!
  11. 003

    003 Community Champion

    Sometimes really instead that holidays to call for a worthy celebration and to bond with family, it becomes a nightmare. As for me, I hate it and wish that it never happens if it would only be a day for a bad and painful memory. I'd rather have it feel like ordinary and nothing special. But you know, holidays are holidays. Despite the bad things that happen on that day, there are still some that are worth to be remembered and be really thankful for. Focus on the positive ones. Those are the ones that help.
  12. hellonamesdana

    hellonamesdana Senior Contributor

    It seems that once the holiday season rolls around every year, so do the abundance of parties which mostly come with lots of drugs and even more alcohol to get through it all. I don't agree with this and I really wish it wasn't like that.