An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Hopeless & Broken

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Suzwilli, Sep 8, 2015.

  1. Suzwilli

    Suzwilli Member

    I am going through such a horrible time. My 20yr old son is currently in the hospital suffering from heroin addiction. On Saturday he tried to gang himself in the hospital. I am working with a rehab facility which has agreed to take him and is trying to teach me tough love. He cries on the phone for me to come see him but the center is telling me not to, that he has to hit rock bottom. I'm confused and scared and don't know where to turn
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Suzwilli... Welcome to our community and thanks for sharing. As the father of a 25-year-old son in recovery from heroin addiction, I am all too familiar with what you're feeling and going through right now.

    First off, be glad that your son is in the hospital. He will get the care he needs there until he can go to rehab.

    I am also very familiar with the phone calls and the crying. Your son is going through a very difficult time right now. Unfortunately, a lot of times these calls can be part of a manipulation plan, too. My son would call and beg us to let him come home. It was incredibly tough to ignore him. That may be one reason why the center suggests you stay away for now. If you go to visit, there's a chance that your son could try to manipulate you.

    That said, I do not believe in the "he has to hit rock bottom" theory. That thinking is, in my opinion, archaic. I strongly believe that people can and should be helped before they hit rock bottom, because waiting too long can be tragic. Granted, it's not always possible to get someone help before they bottom out; sometimes that's what they need to see the light. But if your son is in the hospital now, and has a treatment facility lined up, I think he's in a pretty good place.

    One question I have for you: Has your son agreed to go to treatment willingly? In other words, is this something he wants, too? I hope so.

    I will tell you that the most important thing you can do right now is to take care of you. Parents of addicts go through a tremendous amount of stress, and it takes its toll on us physically and emotionally. Practicing self-care is absolutely essential, for a couple of reasons:

    1.) You deserve to live a happy, enjoyable life. Your son's addiction should not control how you feel on a daily basis. This can be a hard concept to grasp, but please try to understand that YOU are the most important person in your life.

    2.) If you're not physically and emotionally healthy, you won't be able to support your son in his recovery. It's like they tell you before your plane takes off... In case of an emergency, put your OWN oxygen mask on first, and then help others put their masks on. If you don't take care of yourself first, it jeopardizes everybody's well being.

    I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. You are dealing with one of the most difficult things a parent can deal with, but I'm here to tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It might take some time to get there, but my son and I are proof that it can happen.

    Feel free to reach out anytime, either via this thread or a private message.

    We are a caring, loving group of people and we are here to help and support you any way we can.

    Go forward, be brave, and keep the faith. Don't ever give up or lose hope. Never ever.
  3. whitenoise

    whitenoise Senior Contributor

    That's surely a though situation. I'd suggest you to let feel your child that you're there for him and to help him out when he'll be in rehab to get in his track right before he did the same error again because doing the same type of mistake it just takes a really few time.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I am sorry as a parent you are going through this with your son. I can only imagine how difficult it must be. All we want is for our children to be happy and healthy and have a good life. I am glad that he is finally getting the help that he needs in order to turn his life around. I will say a prayer for him, you and your family. It is going to be tough but I am sure the rehab is all too familiar with these instances and are suggesting what they know is best for your son. Hang in there and when they feel the time is right, you will see your son again.
    Diane Cervantes and deanokat like this.
  5. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    Hopeful and mended is what I hope you get out of this forum Suzwilli. We can't change what's happened to your son, but we can support you at this very difficult time.I have a son myself, and while not in the same situation, I know it can't be easy what you are going through right now. Several here can personally identify with what you are going through and will offer you the best advice possible in the circumstances...of that I am certain.

    I pray for relief for both of you as you are both suffering now. Continue to work with the centre to get the best possible results for your son and yourself. Much has been said here already by Deanokat, L_B and Whitenose. More great advice will follow, and my hope is that you find some solace in being here with caring community. Welcome and know that this too shall pass.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    There are times that we really need to be tough in order to make someone realize that no one will help them but themselves. Although that kind of approach might not work for everyone but at least he is being monitored in a rehab which most probably know what they are doing. It is important to be tough too not only for yourself but also for your son.
    deanokat likes this.
  7. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    I feel for you! What a heart broken person you must be! But, no matter what happens, know that "this too shall pass".
    Thanks a lot for opening up here! We'll help you the best we can. Why are the hospital staff asking you not to visit your son?
    deanokat likes this.
  8. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    I can't even imagine the pain you are going through, but you're right, he has to hit rock bottom before recovering, I think he should go to a clinic to rehab, is he willing to do that?
  9. Jamesbonner

    Jamesbonner Active Contributor

    I'm really sorry for what are you in :( it looks bad to not be able to go and see your son, but I think it's the best for him right now, you just need to stay with him on the phone and support him, I'm sure it's the good way to help him :( may god be with you
  10. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    I know as a parent it is very painful and hard for you seeing your son struggling from addiction. But like what they had said here your son is in the right place at the hospital to take care and help him to recover. And all you have to do is take care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually so that you can have all the strength and courage to face this obstacles in your life. Always keep your faith and trust in God and His mercy will always shine upon you. Don't ever lose hope for there is always light after the darkest days in our life. All the best of luck to you and to your son.
    deanokat likes this.
  11. Jasmine2015

    Jasmine2015 Community Champion

    Lots of helpful suggestions here. You must take care of YOU. If you can't seem to do things for your self, you won't be in a postion to do anything for anyone else. And please be careful of suffering from burn out trying to care for someone. I have done it and it hard to come out of sometimes.
    deanokat likes this.
  12. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    Can't add anything to the excellent advice form other posters. Just keep in mind that you are doing the kindest thing by not giving in to him. You are giving him the best chance of recovery possible although I appreciate it probably doesn't feel like that right now.
    greybird29 and deanokat like this.
  13. I feel so bad for you, I'm a mom too and I can't even imagine the pain that you feel. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers. I've read several of the replies here and they are very positive and encouraging words. Love your son forever, love never fails. When he gets better he'll appreciate what it took for you to be strong for him.
    deanokat likes this.
  14. LindaSuzanne

    LindaSuzanne Active Contributor

    I do feel your pain Suzwilli. No matter what they put us through they are still are children and it hurts to see them like this. He is in the best possible place and the people looking after him will be offering you the best advice so try to harden your heart just a little when he cries for you. At least you know he is in a safe place and not out there putting junk in his veins.

    I remember feeling a sense of relief when my son went to prison for stealing for his habit because I knew he was safe and I didn't have to worry about what he was up to .. he overdosed twice so I was always worried about this. It seems like madness now as most people would be distraught at the thought of their child going to prison. Try to focus on his safety and recovery because hopefully he will come out the other side a different person. Good luck.
    greybird29 and deanokat like this.
  15. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    I really feel you Suzwili. It's very hard for any parent to see her/his child going through hell. You have given him all the love a mother could possibly give and things are now out of control. But you have done your best and we can only hope that your son gets better with time.
    deanokat likes this.
  16. karmaskeeper

    karmaskeeper Community Champion

    As a mother my heart goes out to you. Not sure how I would handle that myself. I'm sure they want to help you, and this is how they recommend doing it. I still know that your heart is breaking. To hear your child cryinh for you over the phone must be extremely hard because I know you want to go to him. I wish you and your son all the best.
    deanokat likes this.
  17. Steve Dawson

    Steve Dawson Community Champion

    This is such a hard thing to read, but one thing comes to me more strongly than anything else. You are the most important person here. Your son is in the best place in the World for him at the moment, he will be going through hell, but he's with people who will help him, and in rehab he will be with others who are going through the same thing and he will deal with the situation much better. You are the person I am more concerned about. The stress and strain that this is putting on you is clear from your heart-rending post and you must not put too much pressure on yourself. Your son is on the road to recovery, its a long and difficult road, but the first step is the hardest, and he's already taken it. You must make sure that you give yourself time away from the situation and try to relax and forget about it for a while. I know that that won't happen, you could never forget about it, but you must try to look after yourself or the constant worry will make you ill. Make sure you always have someone to talk to when things are becoming unbearable, if theres no-one around you, then be sure that everyone here is always happy to listen and talk with you. Many of us here have been through similar situations and the despair you feel today can be dealt with, just stay strong, don't worry about things you have no control over, and above all, look after yourself, you always have someone to talk to here.
    deanokat likes this.
  18. harold

    harold Community Champion

    I am sorry for what your son is going through. It must be a very difficult situation for you and your entire family. I can also understand your pain. It must not be easy for you to go to bed in peace after he cries on the phone. All I can do, is to encourage you. Durable change does not come easy. Your son needs change, and it is not going to come easy in his life. He has to understand that he needs to practice self-discipline not just for himself, but also for the sake of the entire family. I am glad that he is in a place where he is getting help. Show him love when ever you talk to him and prepare his mind on the fact that he needs to discipline himself not just for his own good, but for the good of the entire family. Let him know how much you love him, but do not fail to encourage him to receive the help he is now receiving. This must be a trying moment for your entire family. I wish you the best in this!
    deanokat likes this.
  19. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Suzwilli... How are you and your son doing? I've been thinking about both of you. If you get a chance, please check in and give us an update. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
    greybird29 likes this.
  20. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there @Suzwilli! Welcome to the forum. Well, I am truly sorry about the pain you are going through right now. That must be a really tough situation to be in. I think the best thing for you to do is to keep communicating to him through the phone. Always reassure him that things would soon be alright, that you are going to wait for him until he has already gotten better, that you won't give up on him, that you have so much faith in him, and that you believe he'll be successful with his recovery. I am pretty sure he'll be able to understand that.
    deanokat likes this.