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Horrible weekend on valium taper.

Discussion in 'Withdrawal Symptoms' started by Josh111187, Jun 25, 2018.

  1. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I love it,i relly hope im a tenth of that lol.Im just sitting here like nearly in tears because i feel like i've lost my safety net.I'm truly just torn up right now.If i had a computer i would start working on this book i want to write and I believe i would be ok,but right now I am absolutely lost
    Looking4betterdays likes this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Hang in there my friend.

    Do you by chance have a library nearby that has computers you could use? You could start your book as a Google document online and work on it at the library. Just a thought.
    lonewolves likes this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I probably do and could but as i write i feel each thought,become one with the emotions and visional image in my mind as i type.I don't put my word's down in a feverish pace as i become one with my thoughts and project complete sincerity in every explanation i put down.I focus an inner monologue with the thought and heart driven by my soul.I must have a place in my surroundings that allows me to feel not just for myself but as well and even more importantly the person whom may be reading.When i write my soul is speaking and that is something I fear i could not approach in a foreign atmosphere such as a library.When i write this book i will be reaching into heart's and minds which are not mine but the reader will feel something that may heighten who they themselves are.This book i plan to write is meant to open not just eye's but heart's and soul's as well.This book i want to write will be the most important thing i have ever tried to do in my life because the goal is to deliver an understanding,respect,and love for people we thought we could never care for as humanity together is the most beautiful thing i could ever try to improve and indeed it is my goal to color blind society so they see with their heart's alone
    Looking4betterdays and deanokat like this.
  4. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    @True concern This is definitely a sign that you need to slow down. There is something very special waiting for you when you step outside your comfort zone and stay still for a little while. Time will fly once you start writing, do all the emotional writing on paper when you’re alone, and then just type it out somewhere else (like the library, as @Josh111187 suggested. Pick up something heavy and focus your energy into your arms, back and shoulders. Strengthen your torso so your legs can prepare for a big change that will benefit you in the future. 6 months sober is a huge deal, and it is scary to be alone with our thoughts at any point in sobriety, but you can do it.
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Well here i am 12:38 a.m. just woke up after 2 hours sleep and my mind is saying it's time to run...Then i hear the surgeon saying "how are you even able to walk let alone run"The more i think about that statement the deeper in it sinks,the pain i carry in memories is so intense forcing myself to run four miles hurt mildly in comparison yet i shouldn't even be capable of walking with my knee bone ground down the way it is.I have all night to focus on nothing,something,everything.This is true fear,actually stuck with no escape left...What to do?Maybe i will learn to walk on my hands and build up to a run that way lol.
    Looking4betterdays and deanokat like this.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    i see. ok, if it were me...and i do like to exercise too ....i'd pick up something else to do instead of running, where my knees were immobile... what about weight lifting? upper body? bulk up those biceps..triceps... get rock solid abs!! :)

    do some yoga... there are hard core yoga poses that'll make you rock solid... all easy on the knees.

    maybe these things can help? set some new goals...
    True concern, deanokat and lonewolves like this.
  7. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    We can only run from our demons for so long before they catch up to us. So instead of running from them you need to learn to put those demons onto leashes and harness their power. You may feel like you have no escape now, but you weren’t escaping before with running, just distracting yourself. Distraction is an amazing tool for getting sober, but only for so long.
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  8. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Please forgive my brain but to read the word "rock solid" makes me think im 20 again i do remember back then rock solid took very little effort and to get rock solid at almost 38 would be awesome.Actually when i was around 16-24 i had an 8 pack.....Abs people...get your mind out of the gutter's
  9. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Get out of my mind with that A.D.H.D. voodoo magic stuff your doing lol.

    Sorry that's what my A.D.H.D.wanted me to say so i ran with it.....it's been an odd day so far.i didn't sleep at all last night I imagine because im depressed over the running thing but i keep nodding out like im on heroin and I keep waking up from nightmares every two mins or so.I really really want to be able to run.it's not my demons im trying to outrun,i was building my cardio because i was going to enlist in the military before i exceeded the age limit but now I will never be able to because by the time i have surgery,heal,and rehab my knee i will be to old by less than 6 month's.So i can't sleep,im sad,i lost my escape,and I lost my chance to represent my country.These thing's helped my life stay on track and now my track's (knees) are wobbly.Sh×t im just stuck on bedrest here lossing what little mind i have left and it's been 1 day.It's like starting sobriety all over again...
    deanokat and lonewolves like this.
  10. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Hahahahah they don’t call me Voodoo Phantom Lonewolf for nothing. Well, they don’t call me that at all, lol, but still!

    I’m sorry you’re going through this. If it is meant to be, it will happen. Maybe something really bad was going to happen to you if you continued that path, and this is the only way that God was able to stop your stubborn ass. :)
    deanokat, True concern and Dominica like this.
  11. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    Yes I'm sorry that today is a rough day for you. And that you didn't sleep well last night. I know being tired can make life seem so much rougher too. It's okay to grieve this loss right now. I do believe however that when one door closes another one will open. Actually more than one will open, it's just seeing what resonates with you moving forward.

    It might not make sense now why this is happening, but down the road you will most likely be able to look back and see many valuable lessons that you learned along the way. Not saying that it doesn't suck or won't be challenging, but what I am saying is that with challenges there always comes an opportunity for growth and expansion in consciousness or spirituality.

    But if you need to grieve today, then grieve. Sit with it. Feel it. And take it to prayer. I tend to optimistic, so I say start listening to the quiet voice that will lead you and a direction for your highest good in the highest good of humanity.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  12. True concern

    True concern Community Champion


    Me stubborn???Ya Ya your right ok i "Maybe" stubborn at time's but nnaahhh me stubborn...well...i don't know
  13. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    You know you say another door opens and a new form of spiritual growth takes form.Well i have been spending alot of time with my uncle since he got out of jail,just explaining how my path has changed since i got sober and im trying to convince him to come to this site but like me in the beginning he is scared there maybe some judgements and im trying to convince him there isn't but its proving tricky.He is still sober at this time and since i couldn't go run at 1:45 this morning i took him to Dennys and got him a big breakfast and he ate it all in like 3 mins and I sat silently thinking this is 1 effect society has had on people like him,myself.Homeless addicts even sober subconsciously he was self aware to the point he wanted to eat as fast as possible and get out like he didn't belong there and this really hurt my feelings to see the stigma of "im worth less than you"stick to him with blind acceptance and acknowledgement.It basically pre wrote another chapter in my book that i will get to some how,some day
    lonewolves and deanokat like this.
  14. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Hey, @True concern... What about riding a bicycle? Is that too strenuous for your knee? I had some severe knee pain that I was dealing with earlier in the year and my doctor told me that riding a bike would be good for it. Less impactful than walking (which I do) or running (which I don't). Just thought I'd throw it out there.
  15. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Ya he said at this point its so bad the only exercise i can do is swim because you get that less weight thing going on called buoyancy
  16. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    Hey! Yes! I don't think
    Hey! Man, first let's thank our Higher Power that got you through those few days of intense withdrawal. Maybe the drop in MGs was too much. I freaked myself out when I watched some YouTube videos of people even 45days off and some looked like they needed to be in the hospital because it's a ROLLERCOASTER but once your heart starts with the palpitations time to go to the Doctor. I know first hand that the symptoms just get worse.. unlike any other drug as it clears your system so you feel better as time goes on. So now they put you back on the 17.5mg.. the only thing is if they give you Ativan to cope with the withdrawal of the Valium it's adding another Benzo to fix the other Benzo issue. I'm going through the same issue. Finding a good taper so we can move on and deal with Life issues in a different way. The docs know how to prescribe but they don't know how to safely taper people off. Without the "I'm dying" feeling.. and also I know while going through the withdrawal it is so hard to come on any forums.Sometimes your vision won't even allow you to. I talked to my psych, because I've been going through helping my children and myself cope with the loss of their dad, he said next month we can start my taper. But I'm going to take a shot and continuing to keep myself busy with things and only take at night along with praying. So glad I'm on this particular forum. Everyone is always so supportive..
    deanokat likes this.
  17. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor


    Cute about the hand stands, since I'm new if you feel please tell me how your knee got in that shape?
    deanokat likes this.
  18. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Well when i got sober i forgot how to sleep and had problems with anger towards myself for all the years i have wasted so i started running 4 miles a day which was helping alot but after a few months of that my knee just gave out probably from years of drug use so now i can barely walk and actually i have to take 2 pain pills a day so i can walk while i wait on up coming knee surgery which messes me up emotionally as it took me so many years to breakfree of opiates and now i have to take a low dose to be able to stand so something good put something bad back in my life and though i dont abuse them it really depresses me to have to take them because opiates stole so much from me already
  19. Looking4betterdays

    Looking4betterdays Active Contributor

    Yeah I know what u mean. And I hope the surgery comes quickly because knee surgery isn't easy... hope it can come and go because you do know you will still need more pain meds in recovery right? Just wish there were other options on the pain pills.. so your body doesn't get adjusted to them again. We are in a tough battle.. please don't stay in the place of depression.. I'm fighting that off everyday because I can't risk being stuck there. Feel proud of yourself that you love you enough to have the Will to live.. that's a super power for us.
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  20. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Looking4betterdays I do have bouts of depression,im sure its easy to understand how and or why,however im not going to give into it for a few reasons,and i will be honest while i was using i didnt care about anything...well thats not totally true but i cant elaborate until next monthwhen i get a better phone but my faith,family,and even on all those drugs ive had this burning desire to one day make a difference in "Peoples lives"and not on a small scale on a major scale.My faith has me a firm believer "Everything happens for a reason" and at times i would be cocky after nearly dieing in one way or another.On several death beds ive said "I can't die yet i have way to much suffering to go through yet"I meant it everytime i said it and its one of those things if you were to read all my post here on this site you would find several times where i said "Be careful or you may Manifest it"well everything i type ive lived so when i would say that i would be thinking of the cockyness in my "suffering" comment and well i manifested it by mocking it so now instead of giving up i chose to fight the "suffering" i brought upon myself.Believe me i know all to well these pills are trying to trap me,i worry about it but i dont fear it because in my heart I HATE THEM and i know i want-need to run again and i need my legs to do it so YES im trapped currently but just as my addiction is doing pushups so am I so we will fight it out one last time after i rehab my knee,on a much smaller scale than other addiction fights but i think you understand what i mean by that.Stay Strong and God Bless
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