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How can one help their friends?

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by GabinoTapia, Aug 3, 2015.

  1. GabinoTapia

    GabinoTapia Active Contributor

    Many of my friends have issues trying to quit smoking and drinking and they need help problem is that i do not know how to really help them anymore because i have tried everything to help them, but I was able to help out my best friend even though they sometimes do smoke or drink it helped them not do it so often. The main reason why many of my friends started drinking was that they felt like they where being pressured to do so in high school and they ended up liking the feeling of being high and drinking when they had the chance because either their parents where gone or they had friends around them. I tried many things to help but seem like there is no way out of it for them because they like it. Since they started these habits they have done many wrong things including: stealing, abusiveness to others, and some did not end up graduating school because of choosing to ditch classes to go "hit the pot" or whatever you may call it, when they should really be using their heads and showing that they are intelligent and that they know what they are doing because i know that they are smart people (even smarter than me) and i have read online that they are killing brain cells which is not something good (obviously). What could other people including me do that could help the people we love?
    amin021023 likes this.
  2. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    Hi @GabinoTapia! :) Let me first welcome you and thank you for joining us here and sharing your concern. You are very commendable for having the concern to help your friends out from addiction and substance abuse.

    I also used to drink and smoke a lot when I was still in High School up to my young working years. It was only when I have found the drive and inspiration within myself did I realize that I had to change. I realized that it wasn't the kind of life i wanted to be in for the rest of my days. I realized there are still more promising things ahead of me if I would choose to change for the better and quit my vices.

    Your friends are lucky to have such a wonderful friend like you who's willing to help them get out from the world of addiction. Change though can only be achieved once a person accepts it from within him/herself. Your friends have to be willing to change first before you can be able to fully help them. There's no use trying to pull someone if he/she doesn't want to be pulled. The one who's trying to pull can only feel the heavier burden of the person he/she is trying to pull because of the resistance that comes with it.

    I hope your friends would also someday see the light and find the inspiration from within themselves. Only there can you start pulling them as they will also be willing to be pulled by you. :)
    pineywood likes this.
  3. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there @GabinoTapia! Welcome to the forum. Well, I think the best thing for us to do as a friend to them is to try and encourage them to change their lives for the better. Sometimes, all we have got to do is to be upfront and tell them that their addictions are already making us feel worried about what's going to happen to them in the future. Tell them you don't want to see them wasting their life on drugs and alcohol. Just always be there and offer words of advice.
  4. kariad28

    kariad28 Member

    Well sometime's you can only help those who want help. Every addict doesn't want to stop. It doesn't matter how hard you try to help them it will not work if that person doesn't want it.
  5. Shimus

    Shimus Community Champion

    Kariad has it right. Unless they want to change; they won't. And anything you say WILL fall on deaf ears because they live their life as you live yours. If they want to change, then I feel it's the duty of anyone nearby to assist with that. There's no reason a call of help should go unanswered. Problem is not many ASK for the help to begin with!
  6. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    Since only someone who sees their addiction for what it is — a problem — can quit, your first move should be trying to get your friends to realize that they have a problem.

    You can use verbal arguments, movies, books — any tool that you can use to convince them that they do have a problem. To get them to stop, you'll need an incentive. What is it that your friends fear to lose most? Use that against them. Is there something nice they'd gain if they stopped using drugs. That too, could come in handy since you'll need something to motivate them fight the addiction and something even stronger to keep them fighting until they win.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @GabinoTapia... Sit down with your friends and have a heart-to-heart talk with them. Tell them that you're concerned about their substance abuse. Tell them, in a kind and loving way, how you see it changing their behavior, and how it makes YOU feel. The important thing is to be compassionate instead of confrontational.

    If any of your friends want to get clean, you can be a great support person for them. But please don't take it personally if they don't want to change. Sometimes no matter how much we care and how hard we try to facilitate change with someone we really care about, it just doesn't happen.

    I will keep you and your friends in my thoughts and prayers. Good for you for coming here and asking how to help those people you care about. Thanks so much for sharing!
  8. Shimus

    Shimus Community Champion

    Also, talk to their families. Make sure they don't freak out, or try forcing their family into rehab. Make it known it needs to be a healthy environment. You can't enter a situation like that as a hostile environment, it'll never work!

    Just keep strong, and keep trying. Friends won't give up on friends, even if that means making them hate you to save them. The true friends will become enemies if it saves the others' life. Maybe when the other becomes sober, they'll understand, maybe not even then. You have to prepared, to save someone. Most people often aren't. They give up easily because they don't want to push the person away.
    deanokat likes this.
  9. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    Your friends need to know the effects of taking drugs. If they can listen to you then outline all the effects including death. You will have to show them love, that is when they can listen to you. Are they taking drugs out of stress or just for pleasure?
    deanokat likes this.
  10. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    Friends specially guys won't listen to their friends because you're not their dad or mom so you shouldn't go further than some small talk about their problem instead be there for them when they want to quit, it'll happen sooner or later they'll realize how destructive their habit has become therefore seeking their friends' help, that's where you could help them a lot...
  11. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Most friends can just do are give advices and be there if they need someone to listen too so that they will not feel alone. Doing beyond that might make them feel irritated or angry. They need to accept that there is a problem and also help themselves.
  12. MNyte

    MNyte Member

    well, have a serious talk with them - consult some assistance; rehabilitation, or look for help. Tell them like it is: we have to change our lives for the better, because that is how we move on.
  13. trevermorgana

    trevermorgana Active Contributor

    You can help by being there, advising, guiding that person towards rehab or a counselor. But if that persons condition does not change and it begins to conflict with your own life then a line has to be drawn at some point. Be honest to the person more than anything.
    deanokat likes this.