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How Can You Help An Adult Child?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by CpXi7z1, Dec 3, 2014.

  1. CpXi7z1

    CpXi7z1 Member

    Due to an unforeseen injury that causes multiple problems, my brother again lives with our parents. To our knowledge, he hasn't used hard drugs in over a decade. However, his addict thinking and behaviors never died. He's been an alcoholic most of his life, and he smokes pot because, according to him, it slows his racing thoughts, many of which involve retaliation. Because of the injury, he takes medications whose labels warn not to mix with alcohol. Telling him he has an addiction or that he's an alcoholic doesn't help.

    Have any parents here suffered from their adult child's addiction--drugs or alcohol? What successful methods have you or someone you know used in nudging their loved one toward changing their lives for the better?
    Joseph likes this.
  2. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Hi CpXi7z1. I do not know of any successful methods tried by any parent I know in dealing with their adult child's addiction. However, I can share with you what my sister-in-law did for her husband to change. He was a meth addict. She gave him money for a business he could be busy with but it did not work for the obvious reason that he spent the money on meth. So she thought that he could possibly do well again if he could get back to his former job. He was in that job when he wasn't into meth yet. So she contacted his former employer. I don't know how he made himself clean for the job but he did. Until now, he has maintained himself drug-free to stay in that job.

    So it's a matter of engaging someone in an activity/activities s/he loves. But consulting a professional to seek help is productive and really helpful. Your brother has been, as you've said, a substance addict most of his life. Thus, it is much better to seek professional help. Try to check out for the best facility for him.
    Joseph likes this.
  3. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Adult child's addiction. Pointing out the problem is probably first. Getting them to admit the problem. Getting them to want help and stop. How about Senior child problem. I am an adult who had to move back with my parents for financial reasons. Realizing that my parents who are in their 70's have a problem. You say the marijuana is slowing the racing thoughts. This is a new one. It is becoming legal but that doesn't mean someone doesn't have a problem. Racing thoughts and over thinking is due to a problem with the liver. How apropos? A liver soother will suffice. Chinese herbalism connect the two together once you soothe the liver the mind calms down. Alcohol of course causes a problem with the liver. Alcohol also causes the spine to be deficient in niacin which in turn causes behavior problems. Correct the two after detox and you are like a new person.
    Faithfulmarie and Joseph like this.
  4. NikkiDesrosiers

    NikkiDesrosiers Senior Contributor

    Unfortunately, the bottom line is you will never be able to help someone who is not ready to willingly accept help. You need to let him know that you support him and that you are on his side and are proactively trying to understand his issues and needs while also letting him know the consequences of the route he is taking -- and that there is help available to him.
    smartmom, arctic and Joseph like this.
  5. ayywithemm

    ayywithemm Member

    I agree with this. When you're an adult child, as you say, you need all the support you can get. Of course they want to experiment and have fun, but having a strong support system to fall back on does wonders and stops them going off the rails. Evem though they act like they don't, they need all the help and support they can get. The last thing they need is people against them.
    Joseph likes this.
  6. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    If the person is being supported by the parents, then I think it's important for the parents to take a "bare bones" approach to that support. Give him what he NEEDS, and nothing more. If behavior does not warrant such things, do not provide anything more than the means in which he needs to live a basic life.

    I work a lot with parents of 20/30 somethings who still live at home and don't follow any rules, and run wild. However, when I ask them what they provide their "child" it's always the same answer, cable, internet, video games, money for cigarettes, snacks & sodas, etc... If a grown child is living at home and can't do simple things that are asked of them, then something needs to be done. Change the WiFi password until a goal has been met. Stop dropping $50 at a time on video games. Stop buying cases of Mt Dew for your basement dweller if they are not going to stop smoking pot in the basement.

    I'm not saying any of these apply to you specifically, but the theory is the same either way. Provide what is necessary until change is made, and then reward that change with the "extras".
    Joseph likes this.
  7. EternityBloc

    EternityBloc Member

    Do not try to convince an addict to abandon alcohol or drugs. Much less when intoxicated / a. You must understand that the desire to continue consuming by an addict, they will be stronger than nagging, pleading or tears of any of their loved ones who unsuccessfully tries to convince him to leave this evil way.

    Generally, the addict gets to glimpse your poison damage to some of his loved ones and as you most requested not to eat, and will rebel continue consuming to show them that knows his stuff and he'll stop using when you want and not when they say it. Although difficult for many parents, it is best to deny entry to house while intoxicated / ay prohibit having drugs or consume inside the home.

    Do not tell lies.
    It is better to face facts honestly. Tell him that you are aware from his / her use of drugs and alcohol, the negative consequences and that there are some solutions, same of you are already informed / a.

    Do not qualify vicious / or from weak person, without willpower.
    Menciónale having a disease that can be met on time. Most addicts cause them guilt and shame acts of bad judgment committed if they are intoxicated and insists he is suffering from a disease, they will feel less uncomfortable and probably seek help.

    Do not about protect yourself
    Let him front and fix the negative consequences of their actions. If you solve all entanglements in which usually involved, never seek the help they need.

    Do not threaten to something that will not only meet meet or momentary mode.
    If you're going to punish you, think before you talk about the penalty for this result. Many addicts continue to consume and creating problems inside the house because they know that their loved ones are not going to carry out their threats or will do so only for a short period of time. Put limits on its destructive and have respected the home, their property, their rules and traditions capacity.

    Try not to discuss any important issue when you are intoxicated / a.
    Feelings of guilt that have the drive to try to fix or manipulate everything in his favor and avoid the consequences of their acts of bad judgment. Try to talk when you notice that already passed the influence of alcohol or drugs and preferably menciónale what happened during intoxication, pointing out that needs help and encouraging him to receive it soon.
    Joseph likes this.
  8. mikeqin

    mikeqin Member

    Parents need to put down boundaries and stick to them. Children often assume the victim role and say, "I can't do it. I have to live here." Parents buy into this thinking, and then feel guilty because they want to help their kids. When they feed that guilt, they ignore the fact that they are crippling their children's advancement in life.
  9. arctic

    arctic Member

    I agree with you. Helping a person who does not want to surrender his addiction to any form of help is quite difficult to do. But I believe there will be a point when that person will seek help. The moment that time comes, help should be given at once. Give the person all the support we can give. The person has been detached for a while and once he opted to reattach again, that is the right moment to do what needs to be done.
  10. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I agree. If he doesn't want help, he isn't going to get it. The majority of adults are like this. Have you tried discussing it with him in a gentler way? If he just gets angry when you try to talk to him, maybe you should just tell him you're there for him when he wants to get help and leave it at that.
  11. Clairelouise84

    Clairelouise84 Senior Contributor

    I feel for you for what you are going through, and I know a very similar person, and unfortunately they will not accept help until they admit that they need it. And they can only realise that on their own.
  12. Nick W.

    Nick W. Community Listener Community Listener

    One thing I would suggest is looking at the situation from a different perspective. Are you enabling them to continue this behavior? Are you making up excuses for them, or cosigning their excuses, even if they might be ludicrous and have safer alternatives? Sometimes we turn a blind eye towards the behavior of our family members, because we don't want to see how bad things really are. Until we can all look at the situation honestly, nothing is really going to change.
  13. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I think it's much more difficult to fix the problem at this point because you are forced more to go on the defensive rather than taking a much more offensive approach when it comes to keeping your child off of bad habits, but it's still far from impossible. Maybe the best thing would be to just try and get him to join activities so that he can discover some new things to enjoy without having to be under the influence. Also having some company that can offer good affection and/or communication helps a lot such as having a close friend, relative, or even a pet to keep around and talk to or play around with.
  14. ocurtis25

    ocurtis25 Member

    Let me tell you something you can't go up to a kid, and say oh it will
    hurt you or kill you. The reason I say this is because its going right out the other
    ear you will be surprise how many kids do drugs. You have to get them away from
    the kids that's always talking your kids in to doing things wrong or they will not listen to
    you any more. I know because I was that kid at one time.
  15. smartmom

    smartmom Senior Contributor

    I agree with the fact that people will need to be ready for themselves. I don't care how hard others want it, a person has to want it just as bad for themselves. I mean they hurt people and steal or do whatever to get what they need. I know what it is myself to have loved ones hurt me because they are addicted. I know it may be hard to overcome an addition but it is doable. I am not here to judge but some love what they do.