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How can you learn healthy behavior when most of the behavior you see is unhealthy?

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by CpXi7z1, Dec 13, 2014.

  1. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Knowing that you are in an unhealthy environment with terrible role models is already a good start to living life differently from them. Now the next step is to find a way how to get out of your situation. But tell you what. I have a friend whose dad was absent in her life until his death and mom is mentally unstable. My friend did not live away from home because she couldn't afford it and she was a minor then. But she started working at 12 years old to support herself. She did odd jobs, selling newspapers, cleaning lawns, houses and the like. That literally helped her to be out of the house most of the time. When she reached the legal age, she left home and worked abroad as a nanny and English tutor. She managed to send herself to college while working. She is now a primary teacher in another country. She sends mom financial support, goes home for short vacations whenever she fancies, has traveled to loads of countries twice on business class - a luxury she was able to afford because apart from teaching, she also does tutorial jobs. Yes, she has hang up but you know what, she has seen a counselor to address it. She's still healing, but she has definitely gone a long way. In fact, she can be passed as a well-adjusted person had she not told her story. What I'm saying is, you can very well be your own person. It takes the will power and courage to rise up above your situation. It may be hard but it is possible.

    All the best to you!
  2. lucyarty

    lucyarty Member

    I'm so sorry to hear you grew up in such a dysfunctional environment, it sounds really difficult. I grew up around a lot of dysfunctional behaviour as well, and I know this might sound weird, but something that really helped me was reading novels - the Harry Potter books, in particular. I'm a mother now, and I base a lot of my parenting behaviour off one particular maternal character. It seems to be working pretty well so far! There are probably a number of television shows out there that could work in a similar way. I'm not saying it makes it easy, because obviously some of the examples of negative behaviours given to us by our families will to some extent have become entrenched, and will need to be directly addressed... but yeah, I've found it helps. Also, I have come up with some core rules for myself, such as 'Always talk respectfully', which I formulated after looking at what behaviours I exhibit that need changing, and which I can now fall back on when I need to. Good luck.
  3. juno

    juno Community Champion

    For many people, their behavior is learned and bad habits are hard to break. That is part of the rehabilitation process, learning how to live. Many people often don't know what to expect after rehab because they have never seen anything else and can't remember their condition prior to using. It is good to surround yourself with a support system that is more positive.
  4. Tournique

    Tournique Senior Contributor

    It gets better! Even though you cannot choose your family and starting circumstances, you can really choose your way of being. I am from a broken home and I used this as an opportunity to learn more about myself. While the sentiment of family sometimes makes me emotional, I became more independent and am sure to surround myself of such companionship that benefits myself. Hang in there, it will get better !
  5. muthoni

    muthoni Active Contributor

    That sounds so frustrating; find out in your neighborhood if they have a soup kitchen where you can volunteer. Also find a hobby that allows you to leave home for a while so that you can associate with other people. I hope that you get the money to go on that vacation because they say that a change is as good as a rest.
  6. wander_n_wonder

    wander_n_wonder Active Contributor

    I think it's all a matter of really knowing what you want for yourself. Even when your environment is so bad and that there are too many bad influences constantly surrounding you, if you know that you'd like to lead a good and decent life, then there's no reason to get easily affected by everything around you. Again, I believe that it's all a matter of mindset and taking charge of our own lives.