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How can your family support you?

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by Nichole W., Jan 3, 2015.

  1. Nichole W.

    Nichole W. Member

    What can your family do to support you? No alcohol/tobacco/your vice in the house? Should they abstain to? What have you experienced that works, and what just makes things harder (even if they mean well)?
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    You can't force your family to support you. It's a choice they'll make either to help you or let handle your issues on your own. If family members are on drugs too, this might make it harder for you to overcome the addiction but it all comes down to what you really want.
    At times you need to fight your battles alone and when circumstances demand that you do, you have no options. So if no one is supporting you, fight the addiction alone.
    MrsJones likes this.
  3. joshua minaya

    joshua minaya Active Contributor

    Actually with family support things can be a bit easier because with that you will really feel the support instead of facing things all on your own.
  4. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    In my experience my family is the source of drug abuse. They were users and dealers. So the best they can do is stay away from me. I had to separate myself from them and not talk to them cause it wasn't healthy or constructive.
    GG88 likes this.
  5. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    Ouch, so I am glad that you managed to walk away from all that Josh, congratulations to you, I can't imagine how hard it was to grow up in such an environment...
  6. Nichole W.

    Nichole W. Member

    I'm sorry to hear that. The family wants to be supportive, but they aren't sure what to do. In this case my father is an alcoholic. The rest of the family wants to be there for him, but we aren't sure what to do. We try to be supportive but he's a nasty drunk and denies what he's done when he's sober in the morning. It makes it hard to come home from the holidays. Do we pretend it never happened? Do we confront him on his behavior? Should holiday meals be alcohol free ( he keeps his booze in his pockets anyway)?
  7. lollie

    lollie Member

    Yes, this is what I've learned -- not from my situation, but previously with someone else. I think this particular family may have supported TOO much to a point where they were literally forcing their relative to get help or go to rehab. One thing I've learned is that the person HAS to WANT to get help first and they need to under go it on their own for some time, especially in the beginning. Family support is always good, but it has to be at a pace. As long as they know they are loved and can talk to their family members on their own time, it's okay!
  8. Fern

    Fern Active Contributor

    Ask me how many pills I've taken and what my pain level is (or whatever is applicable to the person's addiction) - Talking about it will not remind me that they're there. I always know that. I can't forget. Talking lets me get it out. Feeling heard and understood helps.

    Talk about the subject - addictions thrive on secrecy. Bring it out into the open. Stop tiptoeing around it.

    Don't believe me - check the pill bottles for yourself. Talk to other people who have talked to me. Watch to see if my behavior lines up with what I said and call me on it if you can tell I screwed up. Addicts lie. We're in the habit of lying about our addiction. The only way to fix that is if the lies stop working. Help me break the habit.
    Gelsemium likes this.
  9. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Well these are valid concerns. Family and friends should definitely be on the same page. It really helps if they understand that it is important to be kind enough to not throw it in your face by drinking or whatever. This in the beginning is important I think. They should support the effort otherwise it can bring you down. The other school of thought is it could make you stronger. It could also break someone of the habit if they are determined enough to do it. I think relapse will occur but if determination is stronger. It will fluctuate until complete will power is gained.
  10. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I think good communication is the key to it all. Whatever solution comes after will always be the fruits of good communication, in my opinion. If the people around you can talk to you without being condescending then it is best since even addicts know that the people around them aren't perfect no matter how much they try and act like it, so approaching it with honesty and sincerity is best so you could arrive at more practical solutions like what can be done or what can be minimized around the household.
  11. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    Good tips here Fern, addicts are compulsive liars, so don't trust them for their own good and talk about it openly, they tend to be evasive on purpose...
    Nichole W. likes this.
  12. muthoni

    muthoni Active Contributor

    I think that the best that a family can do is be there for one another. They should not be judgmental on one of their own struggling with an addiction. I once saw a woman insulting her son at the side of the road. He was drunk and almost passed out. She called him every manner of name as he struggled to remain awake.
  13. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    We should be there for each others indeed, but at the same time they need to define the rules clearly, if someone wants support this support is to quit the addiction.
  14. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Congratulations Joshposh! At least, you were able to separate yourself from them. I think that is a tough thing to do especially since they are the people you normally expect to support you. You are quite independent and determined then to have walked away and made yourself clean. All the best to you!

  15. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    It sounds like the family should get together and talk about the problem and how it is affecting you all and what you want to see changed before moving forward. There is strength in numbers and in prayer. You all need to be in one accord to see a successful outcome. Everyone handling it differently may not be such a good idea for any of you.
  16. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    True. I agree. Though I believe that family support is essential to fighting addiction, it is just a part of the solution. Totally removing all the substances that can tempt the user to try it again will help. Talking with the person or just being with him/her especially during the low points can boost the morale and the quest to carry on with the journey. However, the decision to stay away from addiction still lies entirely on the user.
  17. 003

    003 Community Champion

    Family and the people closest to you, your best friends and friends really play an indispensable role in making us go the way that's right for us, in making us to stay out from addiction. Because first, they are there unconditionally. They are willing to help you and do good just for our sake, no matter how painful it is. They wouldn't give up on us and that's what we need in our recovery. We need people to whom we can cling on to, without asking for anything in return. Our family and the our closest people are the ones. They wouldn't tolerate our addiction, but they would help us in every way, in every painful way. We may crawl and feel like the dying. But whenever that we do, we are not the only ones. They also do and feel like we do just seeing us in great suffering. And because of their unconditional love, we will know that there's so much to life, the people to love, which alone will be our source of strength to succeed in ouf fight.
  18. s2chenrn

    s2chenrn Member

    Your family is the closest people you would ever find. Basically, they're the ones who're going to help you with about anything. Simply make it a habit to communicate with them as much as possible.
  19. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    Your family can be the security that you need to recover. I would have been really grateful if anyone in my family had offered me a simple room during the worst time of my alcohol addiction. One of the things that I most needed at that time was a place where I could feel safe. A place with routines, such as regular eating and sleeping hours.
  20. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    That is true, but sometimes our family instead of helping us is dragging us down, so we need to make the choice. Blood ties are important, but our health is more.