An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

How cocaine took my friend away

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Martha, May 7, 2015.

  1. Martha

    Martha Member

    My best friend in college was Jim and he was a cocaine addict. I used to talk to him about kicking his addiction but he was too casual about it. He used to consume cocaine daily and I used to watch him every day. I knew that direction will kill him one day. But I was determined to help them get rid of the addiction.

    Unfortunately I had to leave the college and move to another city. A few months after moving I came to know that Jim had passed away. I somehow cannot get over the fact that I could not help Jim get rid of his addiction.
    dyanmarie25 and kjones like this.
  2. pwarbi

    pwarbi Community Champion

    I think a lot of people will have lost a family member or good friend to addiction. While it's always hard to think you couldn't help them, sometimes people just don't want to be helped no matter how hard you try.
  3. henry

    henry Community Champion

    I know just how you feel. I had a friend who was a crack addict. I knew he had some problems, but he never told me anything about it. His father was a psychiatrist, so he usually shut down everytime anyone tried to get something out of him. One day he just got on the roof of an apartment building and jumped.
  4. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    I am so sorry to hear about your friends who were addicts, but you can never blame yourself. The fact is we can do nothing to help them in most instances. It is really sad, but people have to want the help before there will be any change. I lost two cousins to drugs.
  5. raidermari

    raidermari Member

    @Martha I'm sending lots of hugs and well wishes your way. You must have felt so distraught and upset when you heard about your friend's demise. It never gets easy knowing you could have stopped it somehow or helped them out. The fact of the matter is, it's never as simple as that. Some drug users can seem very much in control of their lives. They will lie about how they are completely functional and drugs aren't affecting them at all. Part of being addicted makes you a master manipulator to get what you want. You don't want other people bugging you about it and so you make up all sorts of stories to try to give them the impression that you don't need help. Because you are always looking for the next fix and you don't want that taken away from you.

    It must be very hard to see a close friend go who had so much potential. I wish you a good future ahead and I hope you can make peace with your past. Thanks for sharing.
  6. vegito12

    vegito12 Community Champion

    It is sad when we lose someone to this and wish we could have done something else, to stop the person and try and save him or her and it is sad when we lose the person. Sometimes the environment or the person could be facing some issues and not want to talk about it and use this to solve the problems they are facing. It can be hard to see someone lose their life this way and must be sad for his family and friends too and maynot have known he was taking this.
  7. Lackluster

    Lackluster Active Contributor

    Sometimes even when you try to reach out, you can't help people. If for whatever reason, they feel that they can't turn to family, then the hardest thing you can do is try to help them.

    Every situation is different, but as long as you try to help then you're doing the best you can. You have to be ready to give it everything to help them, because giving up a habit is going to hurt them just as much as the reasons they use do.
  8. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    That's unfortunate, and I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Did he die of overdose? It's really a shame that topics like this are so clouded in mystery when it comes to public discussion because I think had there been more information and regulation on these things then it would make it safer for consumers to find out more about their limitations and risks.
  9. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Even though you were somewhat late in carrying out your rescue mission, the fact that you were so concerned over Jim's welfare means that you're a genuine friend. It's never easy to deal with loss but I hope what happened to your friend will serve as a warning so that in the future, when another friend suffers the same predicament, you'd be able to act more swiftly.
  10. rightct

    rightct Community Champion

    The responsibility didn't lie within you, so you shouldn't feel any remorses whatsoever. Don't be concerned, many people take bad choices in life and most of them are stubborn and unwilling to listen to others' advice!
    It's very sad to hear when an individual dies because of those momentary bad decisions which dissipate within us and ultimately kill. Pfft.
  11. TPhoenix

    TPhoenix Member

    Don't let it weigh heavy on your conscience, even though you could have helped him defeat his addiction, with 'helped him' being key words. Looking further into it, there would have only been so much you could have done and then the rest would have been up to your friend wanting to heed your advise and stop taking the drugs completely. So don't feel too guilty about it. I'm sorry that such a saddening occurrence had to happen to both you and him.
  12. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Hi Martha! Don't blame yourself over this, to be honest there wasn't much you could do for your friend Jim anyway, coke must be one of the hardest drugs to quit... and as with most addictions if the addict isn't really convinced he or she wants to quit then they won't.

    I'm sad to say it, but some addicts are destined to die using, many others won't. I've seen this with my own eyes... people picking themselves up after hitting rock bottom, others just went on and on until they died. I don't know what makes those two different, but some people do have a easier time quitting certain addictions...

    So, don't feel bad, Jim couldn't save himself, he just couldn't. He let the drugs consume him, no one's fault really. But if it had been my son... I'd have surely tried an intervention at least.But who knows, maybe his parents tried that, but it didn't work.
  13. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know about that. There are really instances that no matter how we want to help the special person in our life, it is not possible. Mainly because they are the ones who are rejecting the help and not willing or even thinking to change.
  14. ZXD22

    ZXD22 Senior Contributor

    I'm sorry about your loss. I've been there myself. Just knowing that at least you had the heart to, at least you cared about him, at least you tried to help him had made a difference believe it or not.
  15. panda

    panda Member

    It's terrible when something like this happen. You start to wish you could go back in time to save them. Like if you had just been there at that moment maybe you could've saved them.

    You're a good person for caring so much. Please don't blame yourself.
  16. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    I'm sorry for your loss. But it's not your fault you had to leave, and your intention matters a lot. I know that you tend to blame yourself, I did the same when a friend of mine passed away, even if I had nothing to do with it at all. It hurts even more when it's a good friend, but you have to be strong.
  17. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    That's an incredibly sad story, sorry to hear about the death of your friend. Whatever you do, don't ever blame yourself for this outcome. Obviously you cared for him and wanted him to stop. Unfortunately you simply couldn't get through to him as his addiction was just too strong. The important thing is that you tried, you were a loving friend to him and that's what matters at the end of the day.
  18. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    No matter how much you think about it, he is not coming back. I am sorry for your loss. There is nothing you could do. Don't blame yourself for someone's actions.
  19. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    I am very sorry for the lost of your best friend. I am very sad, too. Another loss of precious life the Big Pharma death statistics count to drugs. When will this ever stop!

    You had been a very good friend. Continue being strong and very brave to fight the war on drugs.

    Thank you for sharing.
  20. smartmom

    smartmom Senior Contributor

    I too am sorry to hear about this. So many people are turning to the wrong things for answers. Unfortunately these things come with consequences. I think it is hard for some to admit they have a problem. For some its just hard to kick the problem. You did everything you could to help him but sometimes its just best to never try this stuff! One time can be addictive.