want to to share my story and write this out for my sake of sanity and to save anyone else that needed clarity of similar situations and to seek help for not just myself but life long partner. With doing so I feel only comfortable changing names for our safety. hello my name is Maria and i am 29 years old , mother of 3 beautiful children. Two of which share same father and my youngest son is the current man I am married to . My part in this is .. Well I never really caught a break in life. My childhood upbringing was serverly ***ked up . Abandonment, sexual abused , neglected, alienated from family. My parents were drug addicts themselves, of all kinds but it gradually led them to heroine . I witnessed a lot of drug use , been to places as a child to things I thought were norms . I lost my father to an overdose and that's when that opened my eyes . I spent years in and out of foster homes and tbh this f**cked me up more , sexual abuse happened in care and when I got back to living w my mom is when I got addicted to weed than ecstasy. I couldn't help but wonder why I never knew who I was and wat direction to go in life . I was easily persuade into different drugs. it was because only my childhood was controlled by ministry it stole my identity. I understand my circumstances of trauma and why but being back and forth between different foster homes having visits w my mom where she would bail due to her heroin addiction . My life is messed I get that but than to now should be no reason why I was alienated, my mother would incraved AA & NA to me . The more pressure the more I wanted to use. anyhow I got 4 almost 5 years clean off alcohol and meth . When it boiled down to it my mom slufffed me off like it wasn't a big deal. I hated myself for looking for approvals. . My nightmare! so I had my own place and life seemed good I was clean had no more ministry involvement I was active in my community . Me and my partner dreamed of this life when we suffered in our addiction homeless and we finally were living it. Well he ended up continuously relapsing and this was him taking off and one last one he tried committing suicide and ended up in a bad collision, where his leg was deteriated his muscle on both sides of leg . He was in a severe condition which included. Loss of muscle and had skin grafts , multiple times , a brain injury which emerg had to induce him with a comma died from his accident. No one knew cause he didn't have ID OR cell phone . This was cause some fu*Ken idiot sold him bath salts and he went to suicide. He survived. But what boggles me cause I just realized his medical treatment while the release time they never told me anything of signs from withdrawals or several signs from his induced comma . and no support as why he would be declined from disability for being able to seek the trauma he encountered still unspoken. me just recently have been addicted to meth again after long term clean time. My life started getting unmanageable things that were out of my control and my family all made me the black sheep . I had my sibling over for support and this was bad cause we both were still in addiction first time ever using this D.O.C to together. Went sour . Our childhood memories and our struggles were facing led to me attempted to confronted on this personal level of why sexual abuse. We almost physically. Fought until I ran into a room and pouring about a gramm or more into water and shoot drinking it . 20minutes it reacted w uncontrollable shaking throughout my entire body including erratic shifty version. i briefly remember any of it. But no one seemed to care. 7hrs of uncertainty of delusional and talking wierd nodding off . I was finally brought to hospital and still shaking. Only thing i wondering why my over dose went un medically taken care of. No outside support or records of me overdosing . None of my family stuck by me or contacts me which led to me that everyone i ever knew didn't want me to live.