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How do I help my sister?

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by miranda96, Mar 17, 2018.

  1. miranda96

    miranda96 Member

    My mom kicked my sister out who severely needs help and she's living on the streets now with her 2 kids and her boyfriend. I'm afraid that i'm going to find out about her overdose on the news. I feel like my mom is being selfish because she just doesn't want to deal with her. As a person who struggles with addiction as well, I don't know why I can't help her. I have thought about offering to help them get an apartment if they both get jobs, but my mom says I am enabling her. How does someone get better with no support?
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @miranda96 hello there. thanks for sharing. i don't know the whole story, so it's tough to really say. i believe we shouldn't abandon our adult children with addiction issues, but i do believe in setting and keeping healthy boundaries. at some point, if my adult child was living with me, was an addict, but not doing anything to really address the addiction (whatever that recovery path may be), i may give him/her a time frame to be out of the house. two grown adults ought to be able to take care of themselves and their children... and if addiction is in the way, it's their responsibility to seek help and come hell or high water, find a way to get treated and on a better path.

    it's hard to see our loved ones struggle. i get that. there's a fine line between enabling and offering good support. i think if someone is not healthy emotionally, they are apt to enable.... or if they just don't understand addiction... for me, it's taken trial and error and i'm still learning how to best support loved ones with addiction issues.

    i don't know if your mom is being selfish, but it's a challenging situation to be in. there are counselors and support groups that can help people learn how to best support their loved ones with addiction. and it's not always black and white... there is a grey area for everyone...

    some great books and resources out there... Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change
    and the 20 minute guide: https://the20minuteguide.com/parents/introduction-guide/

    take some time to learn how you can best support her.... you don't want to enable and you don't want to abandon, but you must be informed enough to be able to set healthy boundaries... and communicate in ways that foster change...

    check that book and link out. i think it will help. pass it along to your mom. :)