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How do moms not "care" about their children?"

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by wa dad, Apr 22, 2018.

  1. wa dad

    wa dad Member

    I'm a father with a 36-yr old daughter who's losing my granddaughter to the State. I first discovered she was using meth when she was 18. She was clean for about 5 yrs but has relapsed again HARD!. I'm told she is working as a prostitute and has no interest in trying to get her 12 yr old daughter back after CPS took her in January. Never having used meth I guess I just don't understand how you can not care that you're losing your child forever. She and I don't speak anymore as I wanted her to go back to treatment and won't give her money. She cusses me out for not giving her cash. I never knew my daughter could speak to me the hateful way she does. Maybe she has just given up which is very sad. (this is her 3rd CPS case) Can someone help me understand please? I know she hasn't been high 24-7 for the entire 4 months the State has had her child. Shouldn't she have at least some maternal instinct?
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2018
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @wa dad hello there. thanks for reaching out. addiction is a disease of the brain. using drugs for some people changes the brain structure to a degree, so she's not the person she used to be. i know it's challenging to believe your daughter could be so cold. she's sick. she needs treatment...and the reality is that many forms of treatment aren't really all that successful for some people. and, experts aren't sure why some addicts can recover quicker than others.... there are many factors.

    it's unfortunate, for sure. addiction steals so much from people and families.

    underneath that addiction, your daughter is there...the daughter she was before she ever touched drugs... but drugs can mess with the brain... i can say, as a mom, that she does not want to be an addict.. i mean, in her right mind, she would want to be free... but she's not in her right mind. again, she is sick. her brain is sick.

    i'm not condoning her drug use at all... i believe come hell or high water, an addict needs to just keep trying and trying and trying to get and stay clean... trying all sorts of treatment modalities. but some don't get there... still, maybe she will one day.

    i do hope your granddaughter will be alright... and you too.
  3. wa dad

    wa dad Member

    Thanks for your feedback Dominica. I work as a Chemical Dependency professional and mental health counselor here in Washington and am pretty familiar with the chemical changes in the brain with meth and the absence of executive function in the brain. At the same time, I know she hasn't been "tweaking" the entire 4 months her child has been away. I'm hoping to hear from persons who have used meth and could perhaps help me understand if there might be any glimpses of sanity in-between bouts of using. Perhaps not. Perhaps it may not even dawn on her what has taken place until she is well into post acute withdrawal. Also, thank you for your well-wishes.
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @wa dad i see! yes, i hope someone can give you some insight...
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @wa dad... I'm sorry for what you're going through with your daughter. As a parent, it's especially hard to watch our kids go through something like that. I know, because my son has struggled with addiction for years. Love the addict, hate the disease. That's the mantra I try to live by.
  6. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @wa dad I am indeed an ex meth user of over 20+ year's and I'm so sorry to hear about this as i have an adopted little sister who's birth mom is acting the same as your daughter and i can only explain what i know about her birth mom and how she was raised as i personally suspect that has something to do with it,but her mom was an addict who is dog sh×t as far as im concerned because she would allow older men to date her daughter at ages of 14year's old which makes me fuc×ing sick so she could support her addiction,basically sold her daughter for dope and when she got older she herself started doing dope and my parent's adopted this little girl because the state was going to take her and my piece of sh×t uncle thought the little girl was his but nope and now i have a 6 year old sister and the birth mom was trying to threaten my parent's into allowing her to see the little girl,anyways the law got involved and eventually she stopped the harassment but i don't understand the insanity of this particular situation as even while i abused meth i did my best to support 3 kid's that were not mine so i don't get it either that's the only scenario i have and now sober for awhile i struggle with disappointment in myself because i could have done better sober,although all my stepkids are sober and successful and one is actually a federal officer as i never glorified my addiction but educated them as best i could about the hell i was going through and i just don't know this particular situation i don't have good info for because i simply don't understand how under any circumstances you can sell your kid's or just let the state take them.Im so sorry you are going through this.Stay Strong and God Bless
    deanokat likes this.
  7. Rox

    Rox Member

    I got high when I was pregnant and I hate myself for it and I almsot lost my kids to cps but I did the requirements to keep them. I drug test two times a week and went to class. In my classes I seen girls just give up. They are fighting against something they really have no control of. When ppl give up on them they feel even more defeated and helpless. It's sad. I'm glad I was able to find the strength in myself to fight my addiction and I pray that I never put my kids threw that again. No one can control it, not you, not her and not even her child. Give it to God. He will help and save her. Have faith.
    Kassidy2 and deanokat like this.
  8. Kassidy2

    Kassidy2 Member

    I can relate....I used at the beginning of my pregnancy with my daughter before I knew I was prego. I stopped. Then 2 years later I had a son and during my pregnancy I used worse. I'm so ashamed. No one knows this. I dont how the hospital didnt see that my son was more than likely positive for meth. By the grace God. There is so much that has happened since. I've had 2 CPS cases both of them were from anonymous callers saying all the accusations towards my soon to be husband. We went through inpatient rehab for 3 months last march through june. We came home got our kids back. Then around September my fiance relapsed and I did too. Thanksgiving morning I woke up to find my fiance and daughter gone. I called his phone over and over but no answer. Immediately I felt something was so wrong. Then I get a call from police he had totalled the car with my daughter. They lived. He is facing felony DWI WITH A CHILD AND POSSESSION OF A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE 1-4 GRAMS. THATS WHEN CPS GOT INVOLVED FOR 2ND TIME. MY MOM TOOK MY CHILDREN AND WE WENT TO COURT SPENT 25,000 ON ATTORNEY FOR MYSELF AND MY MOM SPENT 26,000 FOR HER ATTORNEY. LONG STORY SHORT, SHE HAS CUSTODY. SO I WOULDNT LOSE MY PARENTAL RIGHTS. CPS WAS GOING FOR MY RIGHTS. SINCE THEN I WAS 90 DAYS SOBER FROM DEC THROUGH MARCH. I RELAPSED AGAIN AND I FEEL SO ASHAMED AND I KNOW IM A FIGHTER I KNOW I CAN BE BETTER MY CHILDREN ARE MY EVERYTHING. MY FAMILY CANT STAND MY FIANCE BECAUSE THEY FEEL HE IS THE REASON FOR EVERYTHING. THEY DONT WANNA UNDERSTAND THIS DISEASE AND COMPARE ME TO MY FATHER WHO WAS A ADDICT AND NOW SERVING 30 YEARS FOR 4TH DWI. HES 62 YRS OLD. IVE ALWAYS BEEN COMPARED TO HIM. I AM MY FATHERS DAUGHTER. I WISH I GREW KNOWING THEIR DIVORCE WASNT MY FAULT AND HIS MISTAKES DIDNT DEFINE ME. BUT TO THEM, MY FAMILY, I AM HIM.
  9. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Kassidy2... I'm sorry for everything you've been through. And I hope that you will be able to find long-term sobriety. For your sake and for your children's sake. Addiction is a horrible disease, but you CAN beat it. If you need help, support, or just a place to get things off your chest, you can come here anytime. We're behind you 100 percent. And we care.

    Sending you a immense amount of love, hope, and encouragement. And praying for you, too.
    Kassidy2 and Joshstillclean like this.