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How Do You Be The Bad Guy?

Discussion in 'Marijuana' started by DLWright, Oct 19, 2014.

  1. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    I am sure you could find other things in your life that you could put the money towards instead of your husband's addiction. Perhaps instead of labeling the money as 'extra money,' call it 'vacation money,' 'kids' college fund money,' remodeling the house money,' 'date night money,' or whatever else you can think of to do with that money that will have a positive impact. Remind him of the vacation/kids' brighter future in college/date night/whatever when he gets upset about the lack of drug money.
  2. juno

    juno Community Champion

    Your husband is more pleasant when the nicotine is in his system because when he is not smoking he is going through withdrawal and is irritated. Giving him cigarettes is not really helping him, it just makes his behavior pleasant enough to help you out. You may still be suffering from second hand smoke and killing each others lungs. You are not saving anything either by paying for cigarettes. Think about what you could do with the money you save up from not buying cigarettes. That might help you get over the guilt.
  3. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I suggest just be totally honest to him, and be upfront. Tell him that although you have extra money, it doesn't mean he could already splurge it on his smoking habits. Tell him both of you should now save the money so you could be able to buy more important things in the future.
  4. Thejamal

    Thejamal Active Contributor

    I think you just have to put your foot down and do what's best for your family. I think saying "it's extra and we don't need it" is the wrong way to approach the conversation; you do need that money as it's helping your family's future. What happens if your car breaks down? Or you need a new refrigerator? Or any other emergency where you need extra money immediately? If nothing else, maybe that extra money can go to something the whole family can enjoy, not just your husband.

    If it's not for a medical reason, he should be willing to at least compromise on the situation to better your family's financial future.
  5. MichelleVL

    MichelleVL Senior Contributor

    You know, in Switzerland they have a very unconventional approach to help drug users. They provide drug users the drugs to help them quit while still using them. What they do is decrease the amount of drug given to the users bit by bit until they no longer need it to function. You could try this approach with the amount of money that you give your husband for drugs. Just try giving him less and less money so that he can buy less and less marijuana. You will have to deal with his mood swings for a while, but in the end it will be worth it. I forgot to add, that you might want to speak to your husband about this, before trying this alternative.
  6. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I think you should stop giving him money to buy drugs and take him to a psychiatrist instead if he seems to always act more pleasant under the influence of drugs. Who knows, he might have some personsality disorder that you don't know about that's why he acts better when he is high?
  7. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Extra money is best to be saved or be savings so that those days that you live paycheck to paycheck are not the common days in your family. That money can also be used on emergency purposes so better not to think that extra money is money that you do not need.
  8. remnant

    remnant Community Champion

    There comes a season when reason prevails. Good things in life do not come easy. This is not an attempt at being philosophical but try losing excess weight. Or build your muscle mass. The problem with the stay at home father is that he's sinking deeper and deeper into dysfunction with every dollar worth of marijuana consumed. It is a slow suicide. Wean him off by reducing the cash progressively and this will be reflected in reduced marijuana consumption.
  9. morgoodie

    morgoodie Senior Contributor

    You do need the extra money even though you have all the bills paid. There may come a time when something happens and need that extra money. You could lose your job, get sick, need repairs done to the car, or a major appliance. There is always something that could go wrong and that extra money would help you out when they happen. Just talk to him and tell him your thoughts behind your decision and give him the chance to maybe agree with you. You could even think about putting it away to save for something you both have been wanting or going on a vacation. Good luck.
  10. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    You should think about the future.... save it, don't give it to him so he can waste it. Don't you think you are doing enough by being the bread winner? o_O If you saved maybe you'd not need to live pay check by pay check. Saving can help you loads, I'm sure there are always extra things you people would like to buy? Maybe things for the kids? Just stop giving him the money, don't explain much unless he asks you, and when he does just tell him no extra money that month.
  11. Jose

    Jose Active Contributor

    If you're living pay check to pay check then the extra money should go to your savings. I think you should talk to him and let him now you're going to save for something and there won't be extra money to burn for a while, he sure will understand and cooperate.

    This isn't by any means an easy situation, its more of a modern dilema if you will, but I think you should try talking to him first to see where you two are right now.
  12. Scooby Snack

    Scooby Snack Community Champion

    Seems like aside from your inability to set boundaries, there are far deeper problems with your relationship than your fear of being "the bad guy".
  13. ZXD22

    ZXD22 Senior Contributor

    You need to tell him that is it not wise to smoke marijuana and be a little frank about it. My parents when I was growing up wanted no part of drugs at all in the house. If he caught me with drugs, I was out of the house very quickly and on the streets haha!
  14. ejorman1010

    ejorman1010 Senior Contributor

    I would start of by not considering it as being the "bad guy." You are being the good guy by using the money for more important things. I would not feel bad at all if I were you by using the money for other needs.