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How do you look after your friend when out clubbing?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Friend' started by Unaddicted, Jul 15, 2015.

  1. Unaddicted

    Unaddicted Member

    If your friend is a recovering addict, and you go out together, what steps do you take as a friend to ensure your friend does not relapse?
  2. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    A recovering addict never should test himself/herself. While going out clubbing could be a great way to de-stress I think there are times when one must make sacrifices in order for them to attain the goals they are pursuing. Your friend wants to leave his/her addiction in the past and must do whatever it takes to beat the addiction.

    It would be best not go clubbing until s/he has overcome the addiction. Find other fun things to do.
    here2help_27 likes this.
  3. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    I'd avoid clubbing for a while if I was that person, there are better options if what he or she needs to do is relax and have fun. I'd avoid temptations, specially during the first year! The risk of relapse is still there, better wait a while before he or she goes clubbing again. It's hard to resist the temptations when you are in a place where they seem to be everywhere.

    Plus, how fun it would be for both of you if you were following your friend around the whole night while clubbing? Because I can't think of a better way to look after your friend during a night out to a place like that.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Not to sound harsh or anything, but it's not your responsibility to ensure that your friend doesn't relapse. We can't control someone's behavior, especially when addiction is involved. That said, I agree that you shouldn't take a friend to a place that could possibly trigger negative behavior on their part. There are plenty of ways to have fun without drugs or alcohol.
  5. singingintherain

    singingintherain Community Champion

    I do tend to agree with the posters above. It is a shame to have to avoid activities that you both enjoy however you could be setting yourself (and/or your friend) up for failure.

    I recently successfully quit smoking after many attempts. The most helpful strategy for me was to avoid my trigger situations. For me these situations were attending music gigs where I wasn't 100% into the the music, and would therefore tend to hang around outside smoking. I enjoyed the social aspect of it so it was a shame for me to have to stay away from these. In the long run the benefits have been enormous. I truly believe I would have gone back to smoking quickly had I not made this sacrifice.
  6. 6up

    6up Community Champion

    It is sometimes difficult to control yourself or your friend if you go clubbing. Better you stop going to clubs if you want to stop drinking or if you want to avoid drinking. He might be influenced by other friends to start drinking again.
  7. ArsenaP

    ArsenaP Member

    I don't think I would take a friend with an addiction to a club. There is way to much potential for problems. I know the friends I have who have did rehab and now sober appreciate the fact that we do not go to those types of places. Essentially I had to redefine my friendships and find interests that did not trigger them.
  8. Nergaahl

    Nergaahl Community Champion

    Try and keep them busy, have fun with them (but not in a way that includes any kind of substance abuse) and make them feel good. Also, bring some friends who don't drink as well, they may encourage them. And for God's sake, don't drink near your friend!
  9. amin021023

    amin021023 Community Champion

    I'd stay with him and keep an eye on him, if he didn't feel good and seemed like he's going to relapse, then you should make an excuse and leave the club with him.
  10. bsthebenster

    bsthebenster Community Champion

    Clubbing is pretty triggering for recovering alcoholics. I would do some non alcohol activities. This way your friend has the least chance of relapses. If clubbing is the only thing your friend wants to do, you could insure they always have a non alcoholic beverage to distract them and don't let them out of your sight. Addiction can make people sneaky. Even if they are an honest person they might not be about alcohol. Never let them hold anyone's drink, this is incredibly triggering for alcoholics. I hope your friend keeps on with there sober living :)
  11. 6eexthsense

    6eexthsense Member

    Going clubbing for a recovering alcoholic is like rubbing honey on a kid's lips and telling the kid not to taste it. It takes so much will power to be in a club and not to want a "just a sip" for a recovering alcoholic but since he is in your company, it is now your responsibility to keep an eye on your friend so they don't derail the months of hardwork to become sober. Make sure your friend takes only non-alcoholic beverages and always be close by so you don't let him hold anyone's cup. I guess you are literally going to be "club baby sitting".
    here2help_27 likes this.
  12. 6eexthsense

    6eexthsense Member

    I agree with you that on the whole it isn't his responsibility to ensure the friend does not relapse but if he agrees to go with the friend to a club knowing the friends state, we can't divorce him of certain responsibility on the part of doing his bit to make sure the friend gets back home in one piece.
  13. Mims

    Mims Active Contributor

    We establish a buddy system so we can effectively avoid relapse. For starters, we try to stray away from behavior that may trigger their addiction. We avoid drinking unless it's something with low proof, and we make sure to stay away places that might bring back feelings that can lead to addiction (avoiding the areas of town where their dealer lives, for example). We try our best to have fun, and use the night as a distraction from addiction and stress.

    More importantly, we make sure we are a "buddy" and not a parent. There's a fine line between being protective and being controlling; we don't want the other getting stressed or feeling like they can't have fun.
  14. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    In the first place, if I know a friend is a recovering addict, I won't encourage him/her to go out clubbing where the lure of alcohol and smoking is rather strong. I'd bring that friend to an environment where he/she can relax and be at peace instead.
  15. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Better to avoid places where he or she could access any of the substances that he used to be addicted with. Avoid places like bars and there are other ways to do bonding without any of those. Just like watching a movie or playing a sports.
  16. Dwayneu

    Dwayneu Community Champion

    Well, unless the obvious option(Avoid these places) is absolutely out, and you guys do go clubbing, just stay around them during the night, and if things seem to be heading the wrong way, try to put a stop to it. Ultimately you should not feel responsible for their actions.
  17. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    If I were a friend of a recovering addict, I would never go out clubbing with him/her. It's totally not a good idea. Well, if it's really necessary for us to socialize with other people at a party, then I would stick by him/her side all throughout the night, and make sure he/she won't get near the booze/substances.
  18. here2help_27

    here2help_27 Member

    This question is a true moral dilemma: if your friend is a recovering addict and he/she really wants to go out clubbing (an activity that often involves drug abuse), would you rather do the right thing and try to control their life or go to the club with them and spend the night looking out for a tempted person.

    In my opinion, there is no right or wrong answer to this. You could tell them not to go clubbing, but would they listen to you? If you're just a friend, even their best friend, would they listen to the voice of reason when the addict in them speaks? Maybe being a friend is not enough of an authority they'd listen to. But on the other hand, to go out with them and then spend the entire night watching them and making sure they don't drink is not the solution either.

    A recovering addict must have really strong will and determination to get rid of the addiction. They also must be mature enough to know what's good and what's bad for them, therefore a friend's intervention does seem unnecessary if they really decided to become clean.

    If such a situation happened to me, I'd try to make sure the person stays clean and I'd spend a lot of time by him/her ensuring support and distracting him/her from temptation.
    Rainman likes this.
  19. MsLucy

    MsLucy Active Contributor

    You really have to get creative. Try to take your friend out for some clean fun. The more temptation that is around, the harder it will be to keep your friend from relapsing.
  20. CarolinaV

    CarolinaV Member

    Definetly make sure you are in a safe place. For example, if your friend is an alcoholic, try to be understanding and find a place to go out where alcohol isn't the only source of entertainment.
    Be there for your friend throughout the night and make sure he/she is comfortable and having fun. As an alcoholic myself, what really helps me through the night is to know I am having fun new experiences I wouldn't have if I would've been drinking.